Cycling, Same patterns

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well no need to really make a response, just needed to get it out. I am now 99% sure that my depression is cycling back to the beginning and taking me through the same things as it did when it started, but a heck of a lot quicker. I could tell by the way i was feeling, the meds weren't working, slowly loosing their effect. The cutting started, not bad the first time, a little worse the second time and the third time, well there's not much left to see on my forearm, and the cutting has moved to my chest, ribs and stomach as well, same as it did before. but i thought ok maybe i just hit that stage again and it will change to something different. However, the poetry writing started again and i haven't done that in about 6 years. And it's really coming out, started today around 12 and i've already written 6, it is now 5:30, I know what comes next, and what comes next, well to be honest i'll just say there are some things worse than death, although that also depends on a persons opinion and beliefs. The doctors have already started me on the last med they have an option with to give me, that was about a month and a half ago, and so far nothing. The anxiety is back, can't leave the house for more than an hour before i start to feel nausiated from it. I don't have the energy to put up a different face when around other people, so i am now secluding myself even more than i had been. again all the same as before, in the same order. I have never been free of the depression, but atleast it had leveled off, and was somewhat livable with. lol ok im done now