worse than a deadbeat dad
By little_momma
@little_momma (198)
United States
August 23, 2008 1:59am CST
Here's the bare bones of the situation:
My 4 year old daughter's biological dad has basically been no part of her life. A few months after she was born he took off (not that he was around much anyway) and would only come around once every year of so. When my daughter was about 16 months old I met my now husband. He is the only daddy she knows. Her biological has seen her twice briefly in the past 3 years but she didn't remember him. Any way, about 3 weeks ago I ran into him at the grocery store and it turns out he had to take custody of his 12 year old son. He asked if he could maybe see my daughter and I told him only if he brought her brother along. Her brother is the only person in that family that I would really like her to have a relationship with. I told him I would talk to my daughter and get her used to the idea of having a big brother she never knew about and he told me he would call me within a week or so.....stupid me, I believed him and I explained to my daughter that the person who put her in my belly is Ryan but he wasn't grown up enough to be a daddy so she got to pick herself a better daddy (best I could do with her only being 4) and that Ryan has a son that is her brother. She was very receptive to the news and got very excited about the thought of meeting her new brother and showing him all of her toys and pictures. I even found a couple older pictures of him from when she was a newborn and showed her what he looked like. Any way, wouldn't you know it....I still haven't gotten a phone call from him. Any idea how to deal with a jerk like this? Its one thing to never see or support a human you help make, but to not follow through on something this important is just beyond me.
2 people like this
1 response
@calcynic (433)
• United States
23 Aug 08
I'm a dad with 7 kids...all with my wife, and I couldn't imagine life without them. My heart really aches over the disappointment your little girl must feel. It sounds like you're used to his sh*t. I don't know...maybe play down the significance of Ryan; she's got a loving daddy. As for her possible future relationship with her brother...man...that's a tough one. Maybe the future holds something good for them, in spite of that insensitive doorknob. It could be that he fears the obvious question..."How come you never came to see me?", and he's too chickensh*t to deal with it. I wish I could be of some help, but I just don't know. I've dropped a couple long time friends simply because they bolted on their kids. It's subhuman, and I don't hang with troglodytes. The best to you and yours.
1 person likes this
@Khunben (88)
• Thailand
23 Aug 08
Play down the significances of Ryan, Ryan is the child's Father. She's got a loving Daddy, I'm sure he does love her, but she's only what came with his new wife, but he's not, nor ever will be the BLOOD Father, this young lady wants some advice, not readers to agree, and encourage her mixed up emotions.
2 people like this
@little_momma (198)
• United States
23 Aug 08
Thanks, I don't think my daughter feels any disappointment yet...I just keep telling her that she can't meet her brother until his daddy calls but i'm not sure how much longer she is going to be patient. I don't even know how long Ryan will have her brother for the simple fact he has been a father for 12 years but has never raised a kid. He has left all his kids before they are a year old...the only one he had seen on a regular basis was his first daughter who is now 8. He has never had to help raise his kids and now he is in a position where he is the primary care for his son and I have a feeling its not going to last long. I believe he will send his son to his dad or mom. Then I'm going to be stuck explaining to my daughter why her brother never came over to meet her. I try not to say anything completely negative about ryan in front of her because I know she'll probably see it first hand when she gets older but I am half tempted to just say to her 'Ryan is a loser who only loves himself so you kids have to suffer for it.' I won't....for now, but its such a pain. I don't worry about her not seeing her "dad" because she sees her dad every day. Her dad goes to work, buys her school clothes, puts food on our table. My husband isn't her biological but he has been around since she was 14 months where as ryan left the last time when she was 6 months old....and he was only around for about 2.5 months of that! So really the only dad she has ever had is my husband. To me, Blood doesn't count for crap if your not going to man-up and be a father to your children. You have to earn the right to be called daddy...you aren't automatically entitled to it. I guess it would be different if he made an attempt to see her regularly but he doesn't and i give him my number and address when it changes and if I cant get a hold of him, I call his mom and tell her so his family is always able to contact us.....OOPS now I'm just venting. Thank you for your response!
