First pregnancy, and SINGLE

United States
August 24, 2008 8:50pm CST
I am 6 and 1/2 months pregnant. This is my first pregnancy and I am not with the father. I am just wondering if anyone can give me any advice on how to be the best mother I can and be the father as well. I am not sure if the father is going to be there for my daughter at all, let alone help me. So any suggestions on how I can raise my daughter, and things I can tell her as she grows up so she will understand that I love her enough and that she doesnt need a piece of crap dad in her life???
3 responses
• United States
25 Aug 08
My husband and I were seperated for about a year when my 4 year old was 2 and then he was in jail for 6 months the next year. It was hard for the little one to understand why he didn't see his daddy as much as his mommy but I made sure that he knew that his daddy loves him. My family and I were sure to never say anything negative about my husband around Jonas and every night Jonas would give a kiss to his daddy's picture and say goodnight to him. It seemed to work pretty well because when Jonas did get to see his daddy he was always so happy about it. Always so excited that he couldn't sleep the night before but he was still okay with going home when it was time as well. Here's my suggestion though: Don't think that you have to be her mom AND her dad. Just make sure she knows that you love her and will protect her and that she can talk to you no matter what. If there is another positive male influence in your life (dad, brother, good friend, anything) it might do her good to be around him to see how a man should treat women in his life. I know my dad was a key part of teaching Jonas how to be respectful. It is a little different for girls than it is for boys. It's been proven that girls with no positive male role model in their lives have a higher risk of dating and marrying the "wrong kind of guy" but there are ways to fight that. The fact that you care enough about her to think about this says alot about how good a mommy you will be. I wish you the best of luck and I know she will be an awesome girl and do things that will amaze you every day!
• United States
25 Aug 08
my first time having a baby i was left by the dad too. but maybe down the road he might want to come back into the childs life. so the best thing you can do is never say anything bad about the babies dad to her. she doesnt need to know all the drama, just assure her her dad loves her the only way he can. all you need to do is to be there for her,takwe care of her and love her, like im sure you will. and the rest just comes over time. good luck
• United States
25 Aug 08
Yeah I agree with you! Thank you for the advice and the luck!
@relundad (2311)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I am a single parent and always have been. My son is 9. I would not spend a lot of time worrying about how to be the best mother, your love for your child will give you the motivation and determination to always do what is in the best interest of your child. It's impossible to be a dad for your child. You can only be a mother. Hopefully her dad will come around but if not life goes on. In my case I have never tried to replace his father. He is not here. What I can do is make sure there are positive role models in his life. He has a grandfather,uncles and cousins. He has teachers,mentors and coaches. These role models provide the guidance that are needed from a male prospective. Whatever the situation ends up being with her father you can only be honest about when it is age appropiate. For me my son doesn't know any different than me and him, so he doesn't question our situation, but I have told him the truth. I am not negative about it because it was my choice. And he knows that when he is old enough to want something different then we will explore that option. At this point he is content with his life as he knows it.