Funny Answering Machine Messages...

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Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep "Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished." I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply Like Barney (the purple dinosaur): I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home. "Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can." "Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..." Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out! "Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message. BEEP." You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone" This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. BEEP! Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP! These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep. Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.