I am suffering from OCD

@pehpot (4762)
Philippines
August 26, 2008 9:53am CST
I usually get irritated easily and most of the time lose my temper. In times when things went wrong or things did not went as planned I would be really furious. When I woke up it pains e to see the house so messy. Back in college I just could not study unless the house is clean. What bothers me most is why I am always disappointed and angry when things we panned did not go along. I hate the way I feel before, I knew that somethings happens along the way and some things you plan may not happen the way you see it, and despite this I still got mad about it. Then one time I was watching a local Tv and the host talked about being obsessive compulsive, she said even when she came home late at night she would still clean the house. I got curious about it look in the web for the term obsessive compulsive. As it turn out it is an anxiety disorder. It is characterized by obsessions, distressing, intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts like rituals. For me my obsessions is being clean and being in order. I would wake up in the middle of the night and when I see pillows are not aligned I would tidy it up. Sometimes I would sleep late just making sure everything is in order. When I pass by something that is not aligned I stop to align it. My compulsion is washing hands and feet. Before I go on the bedroom I wash my feet, then I went outside bedroom then when I would go in again, I would wash again, it's a repetitive manner. walking in the same pattern, I walk only in shadows, sometimes I count my step and think that from here to there it should always be this amount of steps. I usually think that if I only steps in line I would be lucky and some head movements to make some thoughts disappear. I suffer intrusive aggressive thoughts, this are thought that you are hurting someone that is close to you for no reason at all, it would suddenly pop out and I always shake my head for this thoughts to disappear but I am not a violent person, this are thoughts that I knew bad and it just keeps popping on. The most bothering is when I got angry when things did not seem as well and always got depressed, it was actually why most OCD are usually depressed is because of an out of control feeling. That is exactly how I feel when things go wrong. Back then when I still don't know about OCD I got depressed all the time but now that I have some sort of understanding about why I feel that way, my depressions occurs less and less. I have battled it and hopefully I may conquer it, specially the intrusive aggressive thought *it's just plain scary when suddenly popped into your mind you are stabbing your baby, gosh)
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1 response
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
26 Aug 08
I have heard of OCD and I believe that I could have a form of it myself. Your situation does seem a bit severe. I suffer from some depression and anxiety. It is being managed somewhat right now. Having OCD really sounds uncomfortable in your situation and I really wish you luck in trying to get the help you need. You are not the only one.
1 person likes this
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
It really does when you don't know why you are suffering I guess finding the culprit is almost half the battle