The Site of those buildings makes me nervous.
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40193)
Canada
August 28, 2008 10:03am CST
We were driving to the Blue Cross Building, and on the way back, we went through down town. It was very crowded, and I was thinking that I would not want to live there. I mean with all those people, and then we were following behind a bus or van and when he read the name Cathredrale Senior--- whatever it was, I started to get nervous. I started to look at the apartment blocks and wondered whether he would say something like "it's right down town, near the shopping and the City Hall, and you would not have to take the bus. You can just walk," but then I noticed he was talking about that bus with the sign on it and asking does Cathedral have an E on it. There is quite a few apartment buildings for Senior Citizens downtown, and since my husband had been thinking of moving into one -although he kept quiet because he is getting a cast for his leg and the therapist says it will take time and he is getting better.
So has a former decision made by your spouse that would have affected you make you nervous even though he may have not voiced it really?
Did you think he is keeping quiet and already decided on it or do you think he has changed his mind? Does the indecision you feel make you nervous?
3 people like this
7 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
29 Aug 08
always bought what I want at the grocery store for my daughter and I are the ones that go.
HUbby never went I had to do the shopping by myself back then for he was always working. He would let me know what he liked to eat but other than that was up to me!
Buying houses and cars was together except on this last one was all me! I decided what I liked went out and found it and bought it I never even asked what the cost! Just bargained to the monthly payment I wanted and the apy I would take for the van . I got all my demands met Now its mine all mine and hubbies name was never on it.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
When we were looking for our house, I wanted one the same distance to the school as the one I grew up with. Now the only difference was that our house in Vancouver we had to walk up hill, and most of Winnipeg is flat, but it was the same distance. But that was the only thing similar. It is farther from the shopping center than the one I grew up at a little girl, and the house then was smaller, we had to raise it up to make a basement, and I was allergic to dust mites.
I never liked Winnipeg, so I wanted to live in a place with a residential area the same where I had grown up as a kid. So living in an apartment block would not be comfortable for me.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
29 Aug 08
My husband make most of the decisions, but he soon found out that some decisions he makes would make me very unhappy. So in the matter of how long we are going to stay here, I make a lot of decisions. And also in some financial matters, what we are going to buy at the grocery store, etc. It works better that way.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
28 Aug 08
My former spouse always made up his mind without me and anything I said was like talking to a brick wall, pretty much. It made me very nervous and cost us a LOT of money. Now I'm relieved I can make my own decisions.
Investigate this apartment very carefully. Be sure you'll like it before you consent, you'll be spending your life there!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
29 Aug 08
I really do not want to move into an apartment. I would rather stay in our house. There are lots of people worse off than my husband who stay in their own homes, and most of them have about three or four steps up to the front door and one step down to the back, and most of them are either split or bungalows. The houses with one step up to the front and the back are rare. In fact, they sort of encourage people to stay in their own homes.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
I told him that what was the use of fixing the house up for someone else? I mean maybe it is the way they did, but that was wrong. We sure could not move into a place already fixed up, so why not fix our own place up. I told him that I would be unhappy and since I am doing the lawn he does not have to worry about it. Now we are thinking of landscaping.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Then don't let him talk you into moving! It's nearly always best to have your own house, it's like money in the bank and if you're short of cash you can always rent a room or part of your yards for a garden. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed and make a wrong decision, yet be honest in your needs.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Aug 08
My husband always says this & that & what hes going to do but i rarely pay any attention really i just listen,because my husband just likes to talk,he won't do anything unless i push it..Hes always going to get a new car & a new house,but its just talk.He never really makes me nervous unless he talks to much,sometimes he talks so much i get tired of hearing it...My husband is the type that he will not do anything unless I find his idea desirable & push to acommplish it...My husband has never really been the type to make a lot of decisions really,he leaves that all up to me...He talks about getting a new place but usually its just talk..My husband is so laid back & rarely fusses and he has to ask me how much money we have in the bank.Hes really so easy going that i make most of all the decisions.If i didn't we would never do anything...Now my kids dad was not like that,he made most all the decisions & i never had to do anything but take care of the house & the kids,he said what we were going to do & we did it unless i just really did not want too then he would sometimes listen,he was more of a decision maker ,but my husband now is not like that....
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
My husband seems to think of the glamor of it, but I am convincing that he would not like staring at people the same age and older and it would be just as hard getting to the elevator in an apartment building as it does going down the three steps to the landing and then out the back door and down that one step and walking to the garage, going up that one step into the garage.
So we sort of make decisions together, and now that I am doing some of the work, well it takes the load off him. And with him getting that new brace for his leg, and knowing how long it will take, he will put the decision to move, well I hope until we get into our eighties.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Well i know i would not move into a senior home...I know i don't want to look at old people all the time,that would depress me ...I like to be around lively people who talk about something other than their health..Good luck to you & hopefully your husband will forget about that senior home...
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
Even when I was single (for way too long) I always had someone interfering, and like a blooming idiot, I did what they wanted. And regretted it later. So I decided when I got married to stick up more for myself and learned that what others wanted you to do was not the best thing in the long one.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
28 Aug 08
I agree, all the time we are trying to keep one person happy we are upsetting someone else so we might as well keep our selves happy instead cos we'll still manage to upset someone but be happy ourselves instead of always pleaseing others and still getting that bit wrong, hope that makes sense LOL Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Hi suspenseful,
i cannot honestly relate with the situation coz i am not yet on that age BUT my husband and i have talked about it once in a while whenever we crossed an old couple.
we think living in a retirement home is fun coz you get a chance to mingle with people your age and be able to have few friends who is just around whenever we want to.
i dont know exactly what your husband is thinking at the moment coz i have learned in the past that a quiet man is either thinking seriously about something or WORRIED.
you said your husband is having some health issues and that he is having a cast on his leg - maybe your husband is just worried about his situation at the moment and that is main reason for being quiet.
the best way to know is ask him directly and talk about it.
BUT make sure that he is not under a lot of stress coz the discussion will just be ruined coz he have so much stuff going on, on his head.
i hope you dont mind me asking, what is with the retirement place that makes your body itch just by the thought of it.
i dont want to jump into conclusion so id rather ask and know about it from the one involve.
takecare
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
He talked about moving into a 55 plus home. His mother was in one, but it was a large building with many apartments and all you saw there was senior citizens, and the only time you saw younger people was on weekends. He had just gotten a stroke in February, and did not get proper treatment until July= before that he went to a sports physiotherapy. And he had a friend from his work who was also retired but when to live in a 55 plus apartment complex, so my husband thinks it is so wonderful, not to mow the lawn, etc.
Now he is supposed to get his brace for his leg, and that will help him walk better, but you see he just has weakness in his fingers and toes, and not all over. So he is not ready for the home yet. But when we pass a set of apartments that are designed for the plus 55, I get nervous remembering how he kept at it that we have to sell the house in two years time.
He stopped because the physiotherapist told him his hands and feet will not get better overnight, that it will take months, but I still worry.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Hmmm. Well, since a decision to move into a retirement home would affect BOTH of you and not just him, this isn't a decision he can make on his own. At least this isn't an appropriate way to handle it from my perspective. If something would affect me as well as my husband, we make a decision together unless it is something from years ago that has nothing to do with me or him.
I would ASK him about it, if he had considered senior housing then you have the right to know so you can be prepared for anything that comes up in the future.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
He has a friend from work who moved into a senor's home - his wife had left him, and his mother had been in one, but she was in her eighties when she moved in, and not in her early sixties. He also has a sister and brother-in-law who are in a 55 place community, but they never really had a home of their own, and they were glad when their two adopted children had grown, but me, when my adopted sons had left, worried about them.
So I do not want him to even mention a senior's home and if you ask me to get him to talk about it, that is will make it more desirable for him and he will try pressing me to sell the house and move in in a couple of years.
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
28 Aug 08
My wife hates the fact that I have a hard time making decissions. I am one who wants everyone to be happy. So I usually will do what the kids want or my wife before what i want. I know that there have been some dicisions that I have made that made my wife nervous. one thing I will say is that she stood by me even in wrong decissions. I truely have a respect for her because of that. I don't even mind it when she says "I told you so" (too much) :)
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
I have often thought of saying it to my husband when he made a wrong decision. I told him that if we get in an over 55 home, he will be sorry. Right now he has difficulty walking from the computer or bedroom to the table, and it is just a few feet away. Think of how hard it is to walk to the elevator from out of an apartment and then to walk down the hall to the dining room. It is not going to get any easier, in fact unless we are on the main floor and have a door open to the outside and we can just walk a little ways to the stores, it will not be easy. We also have to walk to the elevator to get to the parking section. I know because my mother-in=law was in one, and when we had to pick her up, we had to get on the elevator go to her suite, and take her down or we would have to get her down to the front door, and she would have to go all the way there.
I do say I told you so when he does make bad decisions.
I mean it gets annoying, but I have to say it.
2 people like this
