child discipline...

I don't say I do not spank my kids...but that is the very last option. I usually make the rules clear and am consistent about re-inforcing them (I believe in starting young...so my 21 month old has rules too....age appropriate ones of course). Punishments are in the form of consequences. If you do not respect the rules (most of which are explained and why my kids need to do or not do something), this is what will follow. But having said that, I usually give them some freedom too. They are not stopped from doing EVERYTHING. I expect a little playfulness and curiosity and indulge them as long as they (and others) are safe. It worked great for my older one and I hope it works for my little one too. My older one was a sweet child right from the beginning. I felt my younger one was a brat...but being consistent worked and he is better now and I don't have a hard time with him.

The following is excerpted from the new Way of Life Advanced Bible Studies Course on the book of Proverbs. I hope this would be of help to you: The book of Proverbs is God’s child discipline manual. We have seen that it is addressed to “my son” and “my children.” It contains vast instruction to help parents train children in countless practical ways, and it also shows them how to apply the rod of correction when it is necessary. 1. The reason for child discipline - a. The first reason for discipline is the child’s nature (“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child,” Prov. 22:15). He has a sinful nature that naturally acts out and goes in the way of foolishness rather than wisdom (Prov. 22:15). Sound child training philosophy and techniques begin with understanding the nature of a child. b. Another reason for discipline is because of what happens when a child is not disciplined. Children that are not properly disciplined bring sorrow and shame to the parents (Prov. 17:21, 25; 29:15). Children that are not properly disciplined will continue in the path of natural foolishness (Prov. 22:15). Foolishness can only be driven away by the ministration of godly training and the application of the rod of correction. c. Another reason we should discipline our children is because of what happens when a child is properly disciplined. Children that are properly disciplined go in the way of wisdom rather than folly (Prov. 22:6). The promise of God in Proverbs 22:6 is that the child so trained will not depart from that training and from that right way when he is old. This doesn’t mean that a child so trained will never rebel against his training and never go astray. It means that if he does so rebel he will repent at some point and return to wisdom “when he is old.” It also doesn’t mean that every child so trained will be a fervent servant of Christ, because one’s level of dedication to Christ is a matter of personal choice. But we believe that it does mean that the child so trained will not be a reprobate and will not once for all turn away from faith in the true and living God in Jesus Christ. God said of Abraham: “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him” (Gen. 18:19). We know that Abraham’s son Isaac walked in the footsteps of his father’s faith and did not turn aside to idols. Children that are properly disciplined are delivered from hell (Prov. 23:13-14). Proverbs 23:14 is another wonderful promise, which says that proper child training will deliver the child’s soul from hell. Surely the Word of God means what it says. Children that are properly disciplined give rest and delight to the parents (Prov. 29:17). This should be a powerful motive for parents to do whatever is necessary to train their children in God’s way. We probably all know of parents who have delight in the fact that their grown children are walking with God. Nothing sets a Christian’s parent’s soul at rest more than this, and it is well worth every sacrifice that must be made. 2. The right way of child discipline a. Discipline must begin early (Prov. 13:24; 19:18). The word “betimes” in Proverbs 13:24 means early. The discipline must begin as soon the child can understand what the parent is communicating, and that is usually well within the first year. If it isn’t done early it can be too late and the child won’t respond properly. The child must be disciplined “while there is hope.” The best time to train a child is when he or she is a toddler. b. Discipline must be used in the midst of the right training (Prov. 22:6). Correction and the use of the rod is only one small part of disciplining the child. The parents must launch out into a full-scale training program to teach the children the way they should go, and in the midst of that, if a child refuses to obey, he must be corrected with the rod. But it is not just correcting a child that will cause him to go in the right way when he is old; it is training him in that way, with all that this entails, e.g., developing a close relationship with him, teaching him the Bible, building in him moral character, reaching his heart with the truth, educating him in the dangers that await him in the world, etc. The training must take the child along in the right way. He must be trained “in the way he should go.” This does not refer to the child’s own natural way but to God’s way. The Hebrew word translated “train up” (chanak) means “to narrow.” It refers to constricting the child’s path to God’s narrow way and hemming him in with God’s Word and thus keeping him off of the broad way that leads to destruction (Mat. 7:13-14). c. Discipline must make effective use of the rod (Prov. 23:13-14, 24; 29:15). The rod is mentioned four times in Proverbs in association with child discipline. This is the proper biblical instrument of discipline. A rod is not the parents hand; it’s not a belt; it’s not a leather whip; it’s not a fist; it’s not a slap; it’s not a kick. Webster’s 1828 dictionary defined a rod as “the shoot or long twig of any woody plant; a branch, or the stem of a shrub; as a rod of hazle, of birch, of oak or hickory.” See Genesis 30:37 and Jeremiah 1:11. Previous generations called the spanking rod a “tree switch.” My maternal grandmother used switches from the trees that grew around her house in central Florida, and they were so effective that all of her many children professed faith in Christ as adults and had successful marriages and no divorces. The rod must not be spared (Prov. 13:24). This means to draw back from using it. There are many things that will tempt a parent to spare the rod, such as a child’s cries (Prov. 19:18), physical tiredness, impatience with the slow process of discipline, and mental frustration, but if the rod is spared when it should be used the child will not be properly disciplined. The rod must be used when the child is rebellious (Prov. 22:15; 23:14). A biblical rod is a rod of correction. The rod is not to be used indiscriminately or when the parent is frustrated with the child; it is used to correct a child that refuses to listen to verbal commands and instruction. It is used to reinforce the necessity of true and instant obedience. It is used to correct disobedience and rebellion. The rod must be used with sufficient force to correct the child (Prov. 23:13). The rod is for the purpose of giving a beating. It should hurt, and it should hurt enough to get the point across and to bring real heart-level submission. If the rod is used but the child still persists in disobedience it has not been used with sufficient vigor or persistence. Parents often fail at this point. They use the rod a little but not enough to bring the desired results, and they then think that it doesn’t work. The problem is not with the rod; the problem is with its half-hearted misuse. I recall some Christian friends who had a two-year-old boy who was extra large and extra rebellious. The mother would “spank” him by giving him a couple of swats on his thick diaper with her hand and he would literally laugh it off and persist with his mischief and rebellion. The biblical use of the rod would have stopped that fearful rebellion in its tracks and would have saved that family a lot of heartache and that child a lot of sorrow. The foolishness is bound in a child’s heart and must be “driven” away, and this takes proper force and firm resolution and stedfast perseverance (Prov. 22:15). d. Discipline must be done for the right reason and with the right spirit (Prov. 3:11-12; 13:24; 22:6). If the parent doesn’t have the right motive and spirit when using the rod it won’t work and it might produce the exact opposite of godly submission. The right motive is the desire to train the child so that he will go in the right paths, and the right spirit is love. If the motive is anger or vengeance or hatred or jealousy or frustration or the desire to cause harm or any such fleshly thing the rod can cause more harm than good. e. Discipline should have eternity in mind (“and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” Prov. 22:6; “and shalt deliver his soul from hell,” Prov. 23:14). Parents must not be shortsighted. By keeping the future in mind the parent can look beyond the child’s tears and beyond his own weariness and impatience to the day when the child will be grown and even beyond that to the day the child leaves this present life and journeys either to heaven or hell.

As much as possible I don't spank my daughter. I TRY to talk to her or I look at her in the eye. At the most, I spank her hands if she spanks also or her feet if she starts kicking and i keep telling her it is not nice. It's really hard, I know. Challenging!

I do not believe in corporal punishment. It can lead to abuse, resentment, fear, etc. Not much good at all. I don't have any kids yet myself, but when I do I will use positive and negative reinforcement. I think that that is the best way.

Maybe you can try with behavior charts to work most effectively teach discipline our children. With behavior charts can help them to eliminate negative behaviors. Also help children keep homework, reading, and many more. But most important to teach discipline is our goals to use them correctly not for punishment. Good luck!

hi bea, you know, I don't believe in corporal punishment... spanking or hurting our child physically won't do any help to discipline our child and in the end he/she will no longer listen to you. Why don't you try to talk to him and give him warning whenever he commits mistakes, if he'll do it again then try to ground him such as; if he is still a kid punish him like face the wall or don't let him get out of his room for 2 or 3 hours or don't let him play outside. If your kid is already a teenager you may try to deduct some amount to his allowance or don't allow him to go out or use the phone. this things are effective. That's what I'm doing to my 18 year old son and it works it may work for you too. If not, you may try the reverse psychology way. If you do a lot of talking try not to talk to him even when he talks to you, let him feel that you don't like what he did. And most of all, have a heart to heart talk let him feel and let him know that you're not mad at him you're mad for his wrong doing. well, good luck to you.

Your discipline varies as your child grows. For me, when they were toddlers, I'd start with time outs, but if that didn't work, I gave them a light swat on the bottom. Either that, or their hand, depending on what they were doing. Then we get to school age - time to start taking away the toys and games. Age 12 and up, it's still the same, but taking away there fun, such as phone, internet, electronic games, going out with friends, and making them do extra chores in the house.

I do not have a child as i am myself a student, but in can tell you how my parents handled me. Yes you have to punish your child sometimes when he/she gets very naughty, so that he /she should remember what was wrong and try to avoid doing that again..But sometimes even a scolding or a good talk will do the work..

how old is your son? i have a 23month old boy and a 5year old girl and i can honestly say its not 100% how they are brought up but there personality my 5 year old has never done as she`s told she was biting out of temper at 7month old she`s had everything time out, smacks, rewards for being good, charts, her favorite things taken off her even stopped from seeing her grandma for a week all these things have come with a warning first and have been implemented for months at a time but nothing works the problem is she doesnt like the word no she`s independent and thats the problem she`s as good as gold when we go out i can take her anywhere she just thinks shes 8 instead of nearly 5, my son though goes in time out and i cant recommend that enough anything i tell him no at i give him a warning if he carries on he goes in time out its very unusual he doesnt stop now when i tell him no its personality in most cases i think.

what I tend to do with my 16 month old is at first I will tap on his hand (if he is grabbing something he shouldnt) or tap him on the butt (if he is climbing on the table or something that could hurt him) if he doesnt listen to that I sit him in the corner for about 1-2 minutes. If he is good, I let him go play, if he is bad... I put him in his crib and tell him he can come out when he is going to be good (usually i go in after about 5 minutes and ask if he is going to behave - this will make him either scream at me or he will put his arms up for me to grab him) this is when I know what to do - if he screams - I walk away and come back when he is done crying (after another 5 minutes after the crying is done) or I grab him and tell him he needs to be good or he will go back in there

hi there. this is a nice topic. i am not a mother yet. but i can tell that i was really disciplined well when i was a child. my parents always remind me not to do bad things. they also punish me when i do those kinds of things. now that i am a grown up i can say that i really am a good person:)