What is the right age.....

Canada
August 29, 2008 9:48am CST
To have children or start your family? This is spring boarded this morning by a show I am watching where they suggested thirty to thirty-five. Their reason for this was that the couple would be established in career and home owners etc. What do you think? ~Heavens~
7 people like this
30 responses
@SViswan (12065)
• India
29 Aug 08
I don't think anyone but the couple know the 'right age' to have the child. Doctors recommend around 24-25 years of age for the woman to have her first child (they also say the man should be not more than 35 so that the sperms are strong)....but this is totally from the physical aspect of how it is going to affect a woman's body. But there's another aspect...the mental one...and being prepared which differs from couple to couple. There are so many things the couple need to look into when they decide to have a child and they should have a child when the time is right for them. In short, the 'right age' is different for different people.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
My thoughts exactly! I was twenty five and my hubby was twenty seven. Now I am Thirty and he is thirty two and we are thinking of having one more! ~Heavens~
@SViswan (12065)
• India
30 Aug 08
I had my first child when I was 24.5 and my second one month short of my 31st birthday. Except for the age gap and that I had forgotten the amount of energy I would need to keep up with a toddler....no other problems whatsoever...and we are all happy.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Sep 08
I am so glad that it has gone well for you and I hope the same for myself! ~Heavens~
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
30 Aug 08
i had my first one & 18, grew up w/him, my 2nd one at 38. i enjoyed both of them.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
2 Sep 08
Wow I thought my 8 years of a difference was a big gap antiquelady! I take it you didn't have a lot of sibling rivalry with your children? xxx
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
2 Sep 08
no, i didn't they are both grown now of course. every once in awhile i see a little jealousy but they are good buddies & i am so glad.my youngest & his wife had a child first. the oldest & his wife didn't thnik they were going to have any & after 10 years of marriage they did. the oldest was calling the the youngest for info. i thought that was so funny. he called his brother all the time on what to do.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
That's so wonderful Antiquelady! ~Heavens~
@weemam (13377)
29 Aug 08
I was 21 when I had my first and 23 when I had the second ,, then 38 when I had the third :) :) xx
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
WOW! Fifteen years later! :) I was twenty five and now am Thirty and thinking of #2 then, I will be done! :) ~Heavens~
2 people like this
@weemam (13377)
30 Aug 08
e didn't think about it pal it just happened , and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me , He is fab xxx
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Sep 08
So Happy for you! I did not plan my first so soon either but he is the sunshine of my life!! ~Heavens~
• United States
29 Aug 08
I dont think age matters - I dont mean have a child when your still in school - what i do mean is if you have all your priorities together (a loving relationship, finances (which isnt always possible) and you KNOW your ready I think it is okay for a family to start. For me I wanted kids by the time I was 25. I dont know why I picked that number but that is when it happened for me. I was 25 when I got pregnant with my son. I am now on #2 and I am going to be 27 when this one is born. On the other hand, my cousin is 19 (soon to be 20) and she is pregnant as well. She has her life straightened around and is with a really great guy. I think she is ready for her family.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
I was twenty five when I had my boy and am now thirty and thinking on #2 After that I will be done...I don't feel we need more than two with one who is autistic! ~Heavens~
@newtondak (3949)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Goodness - if everyone were to wait until they were established in their career and owned a home to have children, the population of the world would probably be half what it is! This same theory is the reason that so many couples experience infertility problems when they finally do decide to start a family. God created us to reproduce at a much younger age that is currently socially acceptable, but in the times when couples married and had children at a much younger age, there seemed to be a much stronger support system within families - since the couple was younger, the grandparents and great-grandparents were younger, and the children were able to know and be raised with larger group of extended family. My experiences are that I had much more energy to keep up with my children when I was in my 20's than when I had my third child in my 30's!
• Canada
30 Aug 08
Yes, social structure within the family certainly is important and it does seem these days that families are not nearly as close due to our fast paced society etc. ~Heavens~
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
29 Aug 08
I have always said the time is right when you are ready to be a Parent and ready to commit yourself for the rest of your Life for being there for your Children Yes Money helps but what is the point of having a Child when your Career comes first and that is what happens, yes they are well established and have money, but they have the Kids and then hand them over to Nanny's I still say you are only ready if you have the Love and Commitment that a Child needs
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
I agree, he's my responsibility...not a nanny's though I need a break from my high maintenance lad at times! Love and Hugs Always ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 08
We had the first of our 4 when I was 22 and my wife was 21. If you wati until you have everything in order then you will never have kids. :) To tell you the truth is was much more difficult on me physically when my youngest was born and I was 32. I am not terribly out of shape (round is a shape, right?) but it was just hard to chase him around than it was our other 3 children.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
You have my philosophy my friend! I was 25 and my husband 27 when we had our boy and now we are 30 and 32 and thinking of having number two! ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
29 Aug 08
I was unable to have children after my twenties. I got Vd and I got it when I was pregnant with my baby that I gave up for adoption. And I did not know I had Vd, and had I gotten married then, the law was such as I would have to get checked up, and given treatment to cure me of the disease and prevent my tubes from being screwed up. So in essence the sooner the better. So by not getting proposed until my late twenties, the chance of birth children become one in a million. So if you are a virgin, then you can wait until you are thirty, but if not, the chances are that there is something wrong, so get married as soon as possible after a physical of course. Marriage does mature people. Sometimes waiting for a career and home ownership makes it so you remain unable to have birth children, and with adoptive children, you cannot say they inherited their looks from you even if there is a family resemblance (ancestors came from the same part of the country)
• Canada
30 Aug 08
So sorry suspenseful! I was married at twenty four and had my boy at twenty five ~Heavens~
@rustantl (258)
• United States
29 Aug 08
I think there are a million different opinion on this topic lol...But my opinion is it is different for everybody...You know like what they want out of having children...I mean if you are wanting lots of kids I think starting at thirty five would be a little to late...but if you want to be stable in your job and all that then i think that is a good age...I personally had my first when i was 19...I was young yes but we are best friends and i would not change it for the world but I had to miss out on a lot of growing up myself...
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
True, young and old I think each has some advantages. I myself was 25 but I have a friend who is an excellent Mom and she was eighteen so it truly is an individual thing! ~Heavens~
• United States
29 Aug 08
LOL..i really hate it when tv shows do that. I had my son when i was 21. I have been "established" since then. It doesn't matter what age you are to be established in a career because i have seen many people get and be established in their life at a very early age. But to me, the way i see it is this, if you and your husband get married at an early age like 20-21, and you have a good job and a steady income and a secured home, then if you want to have kids and are ready, i say go for it. Age doesn't always matter in every circumstance. Have a good day!
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
I agree with you Jeanie! I was married at 24 and had my son at 25 now I am 30 and thinking of having one more. It was not my original life plan but my boy was very difficult to handle as a baby and toddler and was diagnosed at two years five months with severe Autism and so we wanted to see how he was going to do and are so proud of him that we feel we are now ready to add to our family! There is no set age....It is when you are ready and there is never enough money anyway! If people waited for Money then there would be no children! ~Heavens~
• United Arab Emirates
30 Aug 08
I think it's a matter of finding the right guy regardless of age...
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
30 Aug 08
I think it depends on what's more important to you. I had my son when I was 21 and am glad that it happened that way. I honestly wouldn't want to have a kid at 35 so that I'm over 50 by the time he's 18. This way, my son will be 18 before I turn 40 and I can maybe enjoy my 40's without a child living in the house. If everyone waited until they had a house and career to have kids, our population would be WAY lower.
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
29 Aug 08
Hi heavens, That sounds like quite the interesting show. Years ago, many people were of the opinion that the right time to have kids, was while the couple were in their twenties. The thinking behind this seemed to be, that the parents would be young enough to 'grow up' with their children, and they'd be in the best health to withstand the rigors of child rearing. There was also a lot of medical concern, for moms over the age of thirty, and especially over age thirty five. It really does seem to me, that things have shifted drastically of late. Now, as you've mentioned, many are choosing to start families much later in life, and the reasoning behind this is often what's been mentioned on this program. As for myself, I never expected to be a mom, so was, and am still thrilled that I was able to have my daughter at age forty. I personally think that maturity is the key, and people should become parents when they're ready to make this serious commitment. Maturity is an individual thing, and therefore there is no correct age to begin a family. Each circumstance is different. While it's wonderful for couples to be established financially etc., there's so much more to parenting than being financially set. Sometimes it's the parents who are struggling this way, who end up instilling the best values etc., and they are better parents for this.
• Canada
30 Aug 08
Hi Mom! It seems a lot here have came to a huge consensus that it is not a magic age but individual and I tend to agree! I was twenty five and am now thirty and wanting to have #2 and then I plan to be done as I do not want to risk other health or birth defects,...I already have autism to deal with! I know how wonderful and smart your daughter is and you are truly blessed I also know young Mom's who have children with medical issues etc not to mention autism so it is not necessarily due to age either! Thanks so much for your input here and it is wonderful to see you as always! Take Care My Dear Friend! Love and Hugs ~Heavens~
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Aug 08
Thanks so much. You're right about my being "truly blessed." Having my daughter at the age I did, has proved to some skeptics, that this doesn't mean that the child will be born with any type of birth defect. I've come to realize more and more, that the age of the mom has very little bearing on this, as there are so many other factors that can come into play. I'm continually amazed by the way you cope with your son's autism. I really don't know if I'd have been able to handle 'any type' of situation like this. You do so well in advocating for him, setting up and keeping track of appointments, etc., etc. I do hope that you feel really good about yourself in this regard, as you should. Love and Hugs to you.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Sep 08
Not always Mom....but then I am my own worst critic!!! I feel I should be doing even more for him! It's hard when your whole life is Autism..... I'm not perfect!!! ~Heavens~
• United States
21 Sep 08
I don't really think there is a correct answer for that. Different people are ready for kids at different ages. I wanted to be married and with my husband for a few years before we started having kids and that's what we did. My husband and I started dating in 1997 and didn't get married until 2003 and then we had our son in 2006. So I felt like we were ready to start a family and we both had jobs and a home and everything that I wanted first. I was 25 when I had my son.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
I was twenty four when I got married and twenty five when I had my boy...We were married all of one month when I found I was pregnant and this was not planned but I would not trade my boy for anything...I do wish I had more time with my husband and had purchased a house before a child but what can you do when things happen... ~Heavens~
@mummymo (23707)
2 Sep 08
I do not think there is such a thing as a right age heavens , every couple are different and what works for one doesn't necessarily suit another also some people can be established when they are younger and circumstances can also change for the worst when they reach that so called right age, I know that has happened with us! I had my first at 23 and my second at 31 and I can tell you that I had a lot more energy with my eldest than I did with my youngest! I didn't think there would be such a difference as 31 really isn't old but I definitely felt it harder with my youngest even though I was really ill with the first! I think whatever suits a couple , as long as they are capable of being a good parent is the right age! xxxx
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
Me Too Mo! Sorry for the lateness in responding here but I have had a lot going on here... Anyhow, as you know I am with you on this one...I was twenty five with my boy and now I am thirty and hoping for number two soon! :) Love and Hugs to you! ~Heavens~
• United States
30 Aug 08
For me, 30-35 would have been too long to wait. I don't really think you can say a certain age is the correct age for everyone. It just depends on the individual. What if you wait and never get to the point that you think you should be before having children? lol I enjoyed being a young mother, but I was mature in the first place. You don't have to have all your ducks in a row to begin a family. It all works out in the end. You may have to learn to severely budget and figure out how to cook beans ten ways from Sunday, but most of us survive that. The perfect time to have children is when you are ready for them. Not when your husband is, or when your parents or in-laws are ready, but when you are. Children can add so much to your life; who knows, it may be the edge you need to succeed at other things.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
It would have been too long for me to wait also... I was twenty five when I had my boy and now at thirty am hoping for number two! I agree that the money is not everything and not always attainable either, if you wait you may never have a family! I know, If I did not have my boy I would not have near as much joy in my life and so thank you for your response here! ~Heavens~
@alnoodle (48)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Oh geez. In my opinion, 30-35 is kind of old to start a family. Think about it, when that kid graduates... you'll be retiring! What fun is that? I had my daughter at 22, and have another on the way, I'll be 24. I think early 20's is a great time to start a family because you are young. You can run around and play with your kids... then when you have grandkids... you will still be young enough to run around with them! I think it's more important to ENJOY your kids than to be established. My sister and I are 13 years apart. I was born when my dad was 20... and she was born when he was in his 30's. My dad HATES that he was so old when he had her because she does not get the same fun father... and he knows that he will be retiring when she graduates and worries about putting her through college.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
I tend to agree with you on a lot of this alnoodle! I was twenty five when I had my son and am now thirty and planning on number two at which time I will be done with my family and raise them as I will be fifty when my second is near twenty and that is definitely old enough in my opinion also! My parents are now sixty and sixty-three and I am thirty so you can see my Mom was older but she had had trouble conceiving for some reason and so I was late coming and yet they still have energy to play with my boy and so I am happy with that :) This is what I want with both my children which is why I want to have number two now within the year anyway so that I am close to the age my Mom was when she had me! ~Heavens~
30 Aug 08
Hi heavenschild, I disagree, I think it should about 25 because if you start a family at around 35, by the time the child is grown up you will too old to do anything with then let alone understand them at that age. Tamara
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Sep 08
Point well made Tamara! ~Heavens~
@msedge (4012)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I think its not a matter of what age.Its a matter of being ready for the responsibilities of having a family because it would not be easy.There are people who got married at young age but were successful and some did in matured age that were successful also but some failed.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I think the choice is up the the individual. I would not suggest waiting until 30. It's more difficult to become pregnant then. Once you turn 30 the risk increases to have problems during prenancy and child birth and birth defects.
1 person likes this