What Nakes for a lasting marriage?

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As a vetran of the married group, and celebrating 50 years together as of 09/20/08 I'd like to offer some tips from my perspective for having a marriage that will last. Before I get into the suggestions or tips, let me remind you that your marriage is like a small child, that has to be watched - taken care of when it is sick - guarded when the storms come - and waited upon, when there seems to be nothing happening. In this generation of "I want it now," we have to learn that good things take time to get set up in our lives that are strong and meaningful. You will have to realize that when you get seriously involved in a relationship, or or get married - a lot of changes are coming your way. "Self" can no longer be #1 - you have to learn to bend - to give in at times for the sake of peace, and that you must be totally honest in your goals for not only your marriage, but for your spouse as well. When your goal is to be a blessing to your mate, you'll not be as prone to be looking at "What's in this for ME." No matter how in love you are, or how great you get along, there may be others that are about to be added into your life, that may not seem so great. That would be your in-laws. You will have to either get along, or if they're impossible, try to at least be civil, as best you can. Because if and when you have a rift with them - it's more than likely going to affect your relationship with your lover / spouse. Having said all of that, my recommendations are: 1. If you even think that you won't remain faithful - don't bother with a marriage.Especially if there are kids - they always suffer where divorce is concerned. 2. The old saying:"The family that prays together, stays together," is probably closer to truth than not. You need some place as a spiritual home to be involved with. I don't know how folks today, make it without a spiritual home. Don't like where you're presently at? Find a new one. 3. When you're angry - be still for a season, and avoid one another for awhile until you can sit down and talk rationally. Don't judge your spouse. Work on your own short-comings - and talk things through. At least hug each other before the sun sets if nothing else. 4. Don't run your lover / mate down to others. 5. Learn to set up a budget, with each partner having at least a little spending money if this is possible. Money problems have wrecked a lot of 'would be' good marriages, and the same is concerned where intimate relations are concerned. 6. For now this is lastly, but important: do special things for each other - surprise each other, and remember to "continue to do" whatever you did to get that person to fall in love with you. I think probably mostly men forget to keep up the courting a.k.a. flowers, candle light dinners, a hand holding walk together - maybe even just sitting and listening to some good music with a glass of wine befor ending the day (unless one of you has an alcohol problem.) I could probably go on, but guess I should wrap this up. One last thing: I think every marriage goes through the places where you feel like the love has died - and this is one big thing that I forgot to put in above - be committed that you'll get through these times, because the love IS there - it's just hidden behind a storm cloud. So do what you must to revive it. It'll be worth it in the end. 'nuff said. Classy Cat