What would you call a man who...
By mentalward
@mentalward (14691)
United States
August 30, 2008 9:24am CST
takes his blood pressure every day even though it's always normal?
complains about every single itch, bite or rash yet won't see a doctor?
thinks he can't eat certain foods because they'll make him gag even though he's never eaten them?
drinks beer whenever he has any kind of pain but won't see a doctor?
claims he can't 'burp' because it'll make him sick but gets sick anyway because he holds that gas in?
says he can't do any work because he's so tired but sits and watches TV for hours after saying that?
eats spicy foods and then takes antacids every single time?
I'm baffled. I need an answer, please!
16 people like this
45 responses
Normal, huh? Sigh!@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Normal is NOT the word I would choose. But it does describe them well!!! They ALL need a lot of attention. 
*SIGHS* is the correct terminology. 
*SIGHS* is the correct terminology. 2 people like this
@proudmammabear (556)
• Canada
31 Aug 08
lol, I would tell him his A55 wouldn't hurt half as much if he didn't sit on it all the time infront of the t.v. all night.
Stop cooking for him, don't do his laundry or his dishes, only do your laundry, make yourself something to eat and only wash the dishes you make.....sooner or later he WILL have to get off his A55!!!
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Well, yes, laglen. LOL He IS a pain right now. I'm ready to smack him upside the head! He's driving me nuts!!!
It's funny that you mentioned both 'hemorrhoid' AND pain in the a55. He really DOES have severe hemorrhoids right now and has seen a doctor, had a colonoscopy and an appointment with a surgeon, which he keeps putting off. (That's another one of his complaints... his butt hurts! I've given up listening to that because he's putting his appointments off with the surgeon.)
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
By the way, laglen, a "hemorrhoid" is what I call a person who tailgates me when I'm driving.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
I think you're right, chiyosan. Paranoid, hypochondriac and, as LadyMarissa implied, a typical husband. 
1 person likes this
@schulzie (4061)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Hmmm.... Interesting, is this your husband by any chance? I don't know why men do stuff like this but they sometimes do. That is hilarious though the way you describe him. Sorry, I really can't help you too much on this. My husband hates going to the doctor, but he has no trouble burping and he won't touch spicy food.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Ummmmmmm, haha thats a hard one:P
Mabey a hypocondriac who makes to many excuses?.lol
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Good one! How about "lazy paranoid hypochondriac"?
Men! 
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Yep, onetrack, my husband. He's getting worse and worse. Perhaps it's partly because of his REAL back and hemorrhoid problems right now, but it's getting so bad I want to clobber him with something!
2 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Is he really worth life in prison???? NOOOOOOOOO
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
30 Aug 08
Oh, don't worry, Lady, I wouldn't leave marks. 
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
30 Aug 08
I'd call him someone who needs a good swift kick in the pants!
Seriously, I think he would benefit from seeing a psychologist. Sounds as if he has some depression and anxiety issues. If this man is important to you, try to get him some help. Start with a checkup from a medical doctor, as he may have something going on inside that are causes a lot of those things.
1 person likes this
@commanderxo (1494)
• Canada
31 Aug 08
Hello mentalward;
That's an interesting way to put it????
From the symptoms that you have described here, it appears to me like your husband may be suffering from some sort of depression. This expression of "hypochondria", is the VISABLE result of that depression. Just remember though, that ALL behaviors (no matter WHAT they be) are LEARNED, and CAN be modified. Medication is only ONE form of treatment, but not necessarilly does it have to apply in all cases. I believe it's not needed here.
Consider first of all, that depression is a MAINTAINED state, which bases itself on either a FEAR or THREAT of some kind. Now SOMETHING has to "trigger" that fear/threat in order to maintain a RESISTANCE to CHANGE type of behavior.
A person will either "fight or flight" in this particular situation, and hence keep a "reactive" state in motion, AGAINST change.
So...what to do? We must discover that "something" which has been maintaining itself, and present it with (create a response) an OPPORTUNITY (the "pay-off") in which it can GROW (or LEARN) from it's reactive state, in order to produce a desired effect.
I suggest that you simply ask your husband what's REALLY bothering him.
You may have to dig deep, and he'll probably say that he doesn't know.
But trust me, he does. It may take some time to come to the surface.
Be patient. Get him to relax, and find out what that "something" is.
Once you do, both of you do something together, preferably physical.
(No, not that.) Something you both enjoy...go out to dinner or a movie, etc.
Create the "opportunity". Do this often. Eventually things will begin to change. Good luck.
cdrxo
(Behavior Mod Instructor)
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Thank you for that incredibly insightful response! You make a lot of sense! Apparently, you are a VERY GOOD behavior modification instructor!
I suffer myself from fibromyalgia, lupus and arthritis. I rarely complain. It's only when something is feeling worse than usual that he'll ever hear a complaint from me. I believe it's starting to rub off a bit on him, too.
He got worse for awhile and I've always believed that it was BECAUSE I don't complain and he knows that I have REAL issues, which made his depression worse, because he saw himself as less of a person than me.
Once I began showing him how he could control certain health issues of his own (like IBS), he got a little better. Also because I've never looked "down" on him for his hypochondriac ways. One more reason was because he saw me taking care of everything, the house, shopping, etc. when he KNEW I was hurting badly and he began to feel guilty about it.
His continually taking his blood pressure could be jealousy, maybe? You think? I had to do that when my blood pressure soared. My doctor advised me to take it every day and make a journal. Maybe my husband was jealous of the 'attention' I was getting from the doctors?
I don't know. I'm not a professional and am just guessing here. I will definitely use your suggestions, starting tonight. We're going out to dinner, even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming! Nah, I'll suggest it and let him know that it's something I'd really love to do. I've been hurting especially bad the past few days (probably weather-related) and he knows that. He really does try to please me if he knows I want to do something special, so that might just be the ticket to open him up some.
Thanks again for such wonderful advice. I'll keep you posted!
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Excellent! I've drawn the triangle and will keep it posted where I'll see it every day, as a reminder and as a visual aid. Thank you so much!
I'm so glad you've chosen to be a member of our little (okay, not so little anymore) community. Welcome!
@commanderxo (1494)
• Canada
31 Aug 08
You're quite welcome my dear.
I hope all goes well for you two.
Here's the course "formula" for pyramid of psychological behavior, in case you are interested.
Picture this as an equalateral triangle, with the word INFORMATION written in the centre. AT the top, write the word REASON. At the bottom left, write the word SYMBOL, and at the bottom right, write the word, EMOTION. Now place an equal sign outside of the right-hand side of the triangle, (between Emotion & Reason)and write the word, BEHAVIOR.
Now...whenever you recognize, notice, or witness any one of these 3 "labels" becoming distorted in some way or fashion, you'll know WHERE the problem lies, and where to place your enphasis/energy, into changing that particular behavior.
Good luck.
cdrxo
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
10 Sep 08
That's just what I did, msedge! I told him only once that I was tired of hearing him complain without doing anything about it. So, unless he was prepared to see a doctor, I didn't want to hear him complaining any more... not even so much as an "ouch!"
He now has two doctor's appointments, one for his very real problem with hemorrhoids and the other for a complete physical! I also told him that he'd better not cancel these appointments.
He's been much better lately! He's working hard again, not complaining (much) and is apparently finally ready to see a doctor!
@intimate36 (1415)
• Pakistan
31 Aug 08
I can't name him right now..not remembering any anything good at this moment...But ,tes I have met some of them...
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
31 Aug 08
That sounds a bit like my step father..He will complain that something kills him to eat it but then eats it anyway and then pops tums..like no tomorrow..also he complains about everything, if your sick then he says he is sicker even if he isn't..he says well if your sick then I guess I have one and a half feet in the grave..He always thinks he is worse then everyone or has what they have even if he doens't. He has no problems burping or farting though and does it with enjoyment periodically. He doesn't drink anymore but he does take alot of pain pills like up to 8-10 a day..He will refuse to eat foods that he has never tasted by saying he doens't like them..how does he know if he hasn't..MEN!
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Your Welcome..He was on Zoloft for a period of time but stopped taking them, then they put him on prozac and he quit taking them..the Zoloft worked great for him we seen a major difference and all for the good but he says they made him more tired all the time. He also has problems with his "third"leg after he was ruptured. And hasn't performed in about almost 10 years. NOt ot be gross or nothing..just that it can effect him also.
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Yeah, men. I know this is partly a "male" thing. It scares me sometimes to think of how fast they'd be 'out to find greener pastures" if we started acting like they do!
From what I've read of some of the other responses, I'd say your stepfather is depressed. Since he apparently does have health issues of his own, he's probably feeling insecure about being "the provider". He may not seem depressed by his actions, but his actions say he's depressed.
The fact that his problems have to be larger than anyone elses does say that he needs to feel "bigger and better(?)" than everyone else and he uses health issues as a means to accomplish that.
My ex once told me to shoot him if he ever became paralyzed from the waist down because, in his mind, his "manhood" would be gone. (Of course, in HIS case, he wasn't talking about his ability to provide for his family... he was talking about his 'third' leg.)
I'm learning so much from this discussion! I'm so glad I posted it! Thanks for your response.
@derek_a (10874)
•
31 Aug 08
As a therapist, I have had many spouses, both husbands and wives, bring their partners to me and ask me something like, "can you do something with him/her, because I can't!". My answer is always the same, and that is that I can't do anything for a person unless they themselves ask me to themselves.
It's unfortunate, but unless a person can acknowledge and accept that he/she has a problems that needs something doing about, it won't happen. These people put themselves through hell before they will do something about it. There is usually something subconscious driving the problem and they are getting something out of keeping their problem. It could be anything.. attention, their own way because they won't be told what to do. They can get off work, or out of doing things that they would rather not be doing, and a host of other things. Again, they need to see what is driving their condition and then it can be addressed.
It's takes great courage for both partners as the road to recovery can be pretty rocky. But for both partners, acceptance is the first stage. Trying to force anything in either partner will rarely work.
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Thank you for your insight into this stressing problem. From what I've read so far, he seems to be feeling depressed and insecure, which is coming out in the form of hypochondria.
I believe that he will begin to show improvement on his own soon. I have decided not to cater to him any longer. I am keeping my mouth closed when he tells me what his latest blood pressure reading is. I don't say a word or even look his way when he tells me his butt is hurting (he really does have severe hemorrhoids) because he's already put off so many appointments to get this condition fixed.
He's noticing that I've been ignoring him and it is having an impact. He has stopped complaining so much, drinking so much and has gotten back to work.
NOW he'll get a reaction from me and it will be a positive one! I'm going to suggest that we go out to dinner tonight, my treat, just to let him know that I love his new attitude. Hopefully, it will reinforce this desire to change in him and it will only get better.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
31 Aug 08
It turns out that he is insecure and depressed. I will have to help him work on those issues.
He really is a good man; he's just recently had some real health issues that have made him feel like he may not be able to provide for me as best he can.
@NYANJURU (57)
• Kenya
1 Sep 08
As per my opinion, This person is sick or lazy. It is proven that depression can cause excess sleep and illusion of a person daily routine. A person might be having unfounded scares or fears of eating certain foods or visiting some places because they want to prove to themselves and to others how much they have their lives in control and as a matter of fact, they don't. This person is not insane, because he can reason and be able to make excuses for his/her behaviour. The other reason can be pure laziness. this person can pick after him/herself to save themselves. they have given up on themselves. Actually according to what you have described, there is a thin line between insanity-depression-laziness. When do you actually say, he/she is lazy and when do you say he/she is depressed or insane? let them see a psychiatrist and he/she will be able to get appropriate help.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Hey mentalward, I think you have a big problem. If you continue
to enable him he is never going to stop his complaining or
do anything about it. He is just going to continue because
you let him and feed into it. You need to be the one to
put your foot down once and for all! Either tell him to
go to the doctor and do something about the problem or
stop complaining about it and walk away or tell him to
get off his azz and get out of your site! You need to be
firm about it so he believes you mean it and then maybe
he will finally take some sort of action and get some kind
of help. If you really want him to get better and see a
doctor you need to take a different approach since nothing
else seems to be working!
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I'm really glad to hear that because he needs to got get
these things taken care of. I'm not trying to be mean and
uncaring. They could actually be serious. I was just like
him so I know what I'm saying! I have very severe hemmies
too. I just deal with them! But acid reflux can be a serious
thing. You are doing the right thing so maybe he will go
to the doctor. He does need to get checked out. If you
need to talk anytime I'm here. I was a medical assistant
so I have some knowledge along with being a hypochondriac
too!
