Racist friends.

September 2, 2008 11:27am CST
We have known a couple for several years and get on really well with them. The last couple of times we have gone out with them we have not been so happy. The husband has made some very racist remarks about some people. I have tried to say that he should not say things like that and that he does not even know the people he is talking about. He took no notice. Apart from breaking off the friendship we do not know what else to do. Any ideas?
6 people like this
11 responses
• United States
2 Sep 08
2 friends fishing - 2 Men in a boat fishing enjoying time together.
Well, in life we get to "pick" our friends, Not our family members.... I would also find this very offensive. I would tell him that he has brought this same subject up enough times, and tell him that you do not share the same views as him. Letting him know that if this continues then he is showing no real friednship or respect to you or your husband! And that being said, if he does it again, I would not hang out with him anymore. He is not pleasant company. We should want to hang out with our friends and go places with them, not dread it.
3 people like this
2 Sep 08
I did speak to him about it the last time we saw him and I hope that his wife will say something before we see them again. we have always been very close to them although we do not see a lot of them because we do not live close. If he is still like it when we see him again we will bow out of the friendship.
@mandykaren (2040)
2 Sep 08
hmmm i guessed you are uk, i checked your profile because was curious.. People that are racist make me VERY angry, how dare they judge others by appearance or culture, so what.. We are all the same inside, heart and soul. I think your friend is pathetic and needs to grown up I think different kinds of people here, different cultures and so on make here more interesting.. If everyone was the same then be rather boring place to live.. I am 100% English but i am in no way shallow minded AND i would date someone of different ethnic group to me if he nice person. Anyway i don't think I could go anywhere with him, as he would make me too wound up that i would end up in argument with him.. Need tell him to stop acting like a looser oh you could have a quiet word with the mans wife and tell her how you feel, sometimes women are easier to get through to of how you feel.. happy mylotting and take care
2 people like this
2 Sep 08
I come from England too and I love the mix of cultures that this country has. I am hoping he will have taken in what I said to him and will not repeat what he said. If not I will talk to his wife.
3 Sep 08
that is good and yes it is great to see different kinds of people England, be nice if could all live in peace with one another.. i wish for that.. Try ignoring the remarks too normally is a good way, he soon get bored doing it
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I would talk to his wife, sometimes women are more sensitive to things like this. Let her know, how you value their friendship, but you do not like being in their company when the husband makes rude and racist remarks. If they truly want to continue the friendship, the husband will curb his tongue in front of you. That does not change the fact that he has a problem, but at least it will show respect towards you and your husband. Hopefully in time he will realize what he is doing is wrong.
2 people like this
2 Sep 08
I will speak to his wife if he is still the same when we see them again. I am hoping that what I said to him will sink in.
@strossuss (125)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
we shouldn't hang out with racists, racism is discriminating, why one would discriminate other? do they think they are better than other? if they are your friends, and they respect you, they should listen to your advice, if they continue to do "that" its better to break off the friendship than to get yourself into trouble.
2 people like this
@bamakelly (5193)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I myself don't usually feel comfortable around people who make racist remarks. It just doesn't sound very good half the time. I don't make remarks as a habit myself. It is just inconsiderate in my opinion. It sounds like you are pretty good friends with these people and hate to break off the friendship. Maybe you just need to find another set of friends.
1 person likes this
2 Sep 08
We do have a lot of other friends. I am only hoping that his wife will have a few words with him before we see them again. If not we will have to thin again.
1 person likes this
@dantakum (404)
• Nigeria
3 Sep 08
I have been hearing of RACIST but never seen one,if i may ask what is the couse of racist? when you know the couse then you would know where or how to tackle it.
1 person likes this
@donna22 (1120)
2 Sep 08
Are his remarks serious or bad jokes? Obviously if they are jokes then this is still bad but perhaps he does not know how much they are offensive. If what he says makes you uncomfortable then consider how much you want their friendship. It is easy for people to say that life is too short to fall out with people but would your life be worth any less if they were not in it? Especailly someone who is racist? You should also consider that his remarks may reflect on you by association and if anyone overhears him it may cause arguments or fights.
1 person likes this
2 Sep 08
I think they were serious that is wht I spoke to him about it. I just hope he took it in.
@lannav (75)
3 Sep 08
I have someone in my family that is like this. I do not approve of what they sa and they know I don't. Sometimes we rub each other up the wrong way but they seem to think their racsit comments are very funny but they are not to me. As this is a family member, I find it hard to avoid them but I just ignore their comments. I do not laugh at any of the racist jokes and have told them I do not approve of the racism. They too take no notice. I just hope that one da they will realise that there is no place for language like this in society and they are not right to do it or better than anyone else because of the colour of their skin or religigeon. It is very difficult with friends but we do choose our friends. I would just see less of them and if they ask why, explain that the comments upset you. If your friendship is worth anything surely they could be toned down, why would anyone want to openly offend friends? Friends are the people we want to be with because there is a common ground.
• United States
3 Sep 08
My mother has a racist boyfriend, and I do not stand for it. Some of my friends use the "N" word too, quite often, and I will turn away from them each time that they do. I do not stand for it because it is wrong. I know that we are all a little racist, but a line has to be drawn. I have been a victim of racism and I have known friends who were victims of it, and I do not like it because I have friends of all races. Do not stand for it, tell them that you will not stand for it.
1 person likes this
@sumpter (214)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Be honest with him and tell him that it is disrespctful. If he really cares enough to listen and change his ways, then he maybe saved. But, if not then he may not be someone you would want to continue being friends with. I know it can be hard, but we are defined by our friends and I would hope you would not want to be defined by someone with those views.
@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Well, it depends how 'close' you and the couple are. Because if you're really best buds then it wouldn't be a problem telling the guy that you don't feel comfortable doing those racist comments and would want nothing of that most especially in public. But if you are not that close, then you might as well let him know that you have friends from the other race and they are not bad, in fact they're better.
• China
3 Sep 08
one world one dream