fooking up with long time friend.... And what troubles come?
By trojanman45
@trojanman45 (9)
September 3, 2008 1:35pm CST
So heres my situation.. After both recently graduating college, myself and a female friend returned home. At home we are both part of the same very close knit circle of friends. In high school she was really sought after by many but me and her never crossed beyond friends. Coming home we start hanging out and getting to know eachother better, she says "because we didn't know eachother that well growing up".. Ya Ya whatever, anyways partying over at her house one night she asks me to help her find something in her room... you know the situation, and we end up hooking up and sleeping together. Since then we've hooked up a another few times, and she began to call me and text me almost hourly. I was straight up with her and told her I'm not dating right now, especially a friend, for two reasons, 1. i have personal stuff to take care of and 2. Hooking up with friends seems to always leave things weird. I guess the whole reason for this post is how do i break it to her, that i'm down to still be friends but not to the point where she hounds me with texts and phone calls to the point where I cant even concentrate on what i'm doing, and if i gotta break it off harsh, how do i do this without creating turmoil in our big circle of friends?
2 people like this
6 responses
@trell8402 (274)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I don't think she's going to take it well no matter how you tell her. If you two just hooked up that one time, that might be a different story. But you said there were other hookup sessions? Well, if I were her and you tried to "break it off" with me, I would be kind of mad. Even though this may not be the case, it seems like you just wanted her for one thing. And more than likely, that's probably how she's going to take it. I think you've should've been straight with her after the first time, or casually mentioned it in your conversations with her before the first hookup. Good luck with the situation, but I think it's past the awkward stage now...
@trojanman45 (9)
•
3 Sep 08
See thats the thing. I did mention it to her, before the first time. We were at her place and other friends were there. She approached me and initiated it and i stopped her and told her i dont want stuff to get weird. She was like "no why would it?". So i mean i warned her initially and have mentioned numerous times since that its not going to go anywhere, and not that its her, but where i am right now i just dont have time or state of mind to get involved with someone. I can tell she's getting attached and asks me about some of my actions. I dont really know what else to tell her cuz she is a good friend and is especially good friends with most of the guys in our circle. Any other suggestions on how to approach this?
@reybadgar (83)
• Bahamas
3 Sep 08
I know what you mean. It's really different to hook up with someone you love or like, whatever,than someone you treasure just as friend. (I can relate to a long lost story.) The best thing you can do is to be honest with her that you don't feel like doing it all over and you wanna keep the friendship instead. Am pretty sure she'll understand. If she doesn't, she is not a true friend maybe. However, if you feel you love her more than a friend, why not meet halfway? They say it's better to have a lover who is good friend. Think about it...
@trell8402 (274)
• United States
3 Sep 08
The only other suggestion I have is to be straight up with her. She seems like the type that you just have to let her know, regardless of how you think she may feel. If she can't understand you don't want anyone, including her, then maybe she's not really a true friend.... Good luck...
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
5 Sep 08
Well my friend i think its quite complicated now beacuse you had all the actions and connections which one wants to have while in dating or in love and you never thought about the future while doing all this and now you thnk you are not serious with her you have some other priorities. I think it 80% your fault why dont you think about all this earlier when you was enjoying all the fun. Every one should think before doing anything but pplz mostly do things and then think what should do now. I am not blaming you personally but mostly pplz living such type of life.
I wanna say that that now whatever happened is over. If you wann move to another way call all of your good friends and tell them truly everything and tell tem that now you wann move out from all this, if you continue thinking by urself and your circle of friends got this news by someone else they might think that you wann cheat on them by hidding all this so just be true to everyone.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 08
good luck with that! The fact that you have already been intimate and that she seems to want more out of it than the occasional hookup makes it really unlikely that you are going to be able to remain friends.
@painkiller77 (2073)
• India
4 Sep 08
GREAT!!!!!!!!! it is a terrific situation you are in. first of all, welcome to my lot. see if your friend does not insist on continuing, no need to go and break from your side. wait for her to make the first move.if she has taken it casually, never express that you have taken it seriously.just play it cool. who knows you may get the fun A SECOND TIME...
@robsandoval (112)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
First you should tell her that you appreciate all this "caring" stuff you receive from her almost hourly. Then tell her that you two can't really be because of personal stuff you have to attend to and stuff. Then tell her what could happen.~its up to you after that.
