The tools we use to heal our souls
By novataylor
@novataylor (6570)
United States
September 3, 2008 4:56pm CST
I've been talking with a couple of friends here about a 'past life' of mine and the man I was married to when I was a mere child of 19. He was the love of my life and the bane of my existence. He was my hero and my nemesis. A psychological nightmare. But I survived, as is evidenced here. Anyway, in a recent discussion by my good friend Tee, I was having a chat with him and C---row and found that I could really open up with them about this 'issue', and I said to C that every time I talk with her about this, I get this odd inspiration for poems. It's really the most amazing thing. She and Tee are helping me bring this boiling cauldron of emotion to some sort of resolution, or at least the beginning of one. So I wrote this poem about that past life and if you've ever been where I was or in a similar place, you just might understand it. Even if you haven't, you still might relate to it in your own personal way. Writing these poems is cathartic for me. They help me sort it out, work through it, a form of self-therapy, as it were. If I had any clay, I'd be pushing through it with my thumbs, forming something three dimensional, something representative of my thoughts and emotions. But right now, all I have is type and ink. Do you write when you need to work something out? How do you do it? What tool do you use to help fix what's broken inside of you?I offer this poem to all of you, but especially to Tee and Cee, with love and gratitude. xxx
Up on the pedestal
a delicate balance
precarious toedance
in the eye of a storm
pearls crushed to dust
a handful to toss
into the midnight
to torture my soul
a phoenix to rise up
still haunting the night
the light is elusive
I'm mired and bound.
5 people like this
10 responses
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I too use the validation of writing poems and writing things down. They help help so much. I don't have anyone to really talk to about things so my writing and poems do it for me.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thank you so much nova, you saying that means more to me than you'll ever know.
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Moondancer, it's so hard to find someone to talk to sometimes. I've always used "my books", as I call them, to talk to. That, and my animals. I talk to them too. And even though they don't answer back, they listen, and they let me hear what's coming out of my mouth and that's another form of therapy, just listening to yourself talk about things. Keep writing, moondancer. And if you ever care to share any of your work with me, I'd love to read it. I'd consider it very precious and wouldn't ever share it with anyone else unless I asked you first.
Keep writing, keep typing. I love seeing you here. I read a lot of your responses, which makes sense, considering we frequent some of the same discussions. But I actually LIKE what you write, which I can't say for everyone else.
Thanks for coming here. I appeciate it more than you know.
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
But I do sorta know, just like you do. It's a visceral thing. We share something intangible but powerful. We know. And only if you've felt real pain, the kind that scars your soul, can you understand that kind of bond. There are more kindred souls right here in this discussion. You'll recognize them when you see them, just like you did with me and I did with you. Sorta makes ya feel a bit less alone, doesn't it, darlin?
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
4 Sep 08
That's an evocative poem Nova of a time when your emotions were in churning turmoil. Write it out and keep it and then read it to help you balance that time. I have written but I have no particular method of sorting out my thoughts or feelings. I might go for a walk, dig in the garden or phone a friend. I can't write poems to save my life, so I'm pretty sure that I would struggle doing that. But you never know. I like the clay idea. Suits my notion of being potty!!
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
You think you can't write poetry, p1key, but so much of what you write IS poetry. You can be so absolutely lyrical, it's a joy to read whatever you write, truly. And you know I mean what I say. Oh, and it seems to me that you've done a fine job of sorting through some pretty heavy thoughts and feelings recently, darling, and quite creatively too. Think about it. You'll know what I'm saying. I'm proud of you.
p.s. Potty? Potty? Why do you think clay suits me so well??? 'Cause I'm potty too, baby!!!!! Hey - pots of a feather....(?) (huh? that sounds really weird...) xxx
2 people like this
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I write as well. Not usually poetry though. I write letters or I write in my journals. I have had many journals filled in my somewhat short lifetime. They are all gone now, Hurricane Katrina took care of them. At first I thought it was a loss. But now I am glad they are gone. Re-reading all of it just conjures up new pain for old hurt. I am glad that I have to leave most of it in the past where it belongs. 
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Mornin', money, great to see you. And wow. You blow me away. You lost something so big, but you've reconciled it in your heart and mind so beautifully!! To be able to see that loss with such fresh, new eyes is really amazing to me and I admire you hugely for that. You wrote everything down, many journals, so you worked through SO much stuff, and now, you can chalk it up to experience and put it behind you and go on to face a brighter future. Wow, darlin. Good for you!!! That kind of attitude will serve you very well in your life. So, are you writing again? Have you started a journal for your new life?
I love seeing you in my discussions, money. You always, always have something thoughtful and salient to say and having you here is a real treat. Thank you so much for sharing with me. If I could reach out through this thing and give you a big hug, I surely would. So please accept my insufficient cyber-hug instead. xx
3 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
4 Sep 08
I'm so glad you have this avenue to help heal your soul, nova. So glad.
The poem is as sing-song as your daily prose. I love it. It is you.
I usually write in my journal and talk to friends about an issue to sort it out.
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Annie. My heart. Thank you for your sweet words. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't suddenly grab my book or dive for the keyboard and bat out a few lines. For me, they come pretty suddenly. A word or a phrase or a line will pop into my head and if I don't go with it right then, I'll lose it. It really does help too, it really provides a vehicle for some of the stuff that I don't always know what to do with. I don't know if that makes any sense. But since you write, you know.
It's so funny you use the term sing-song. I DO write sing-songy. I even TALK sing-songy. 'at's me.
Sing, sing a song, make it simple, to last the whole night long, sing of good times, not bad, sing of happy, not sad..........
wooo, shite, Annie, I'm on a roll today!!!! I hate that song, but it came unbidden to my head as I was typing earlier. Sorry. Now it's probably in your head too. Do ya hate me? Nah, never!!!
I love ya, gal. Always. xx
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Wow nova! That's really deep! I love it! That's my kind of
poem. I like it alot. I wish I could share some of mine
with you and see what you think. It's one of those poems
that comes right from the heart & soul. If I wa grading
it I would give it an A+. I shows that the relationship
had left a deep wound on your soul. The kind that will
never go away. It is really artistically done. Keep on
writing, you're really good at it!
2 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thank you, Opal, so much! I was pretty sure that poem would be lost on a whole lot of people, but you identified with something in it and saw something there and that warms my heart, yes it does. That relationship did indeed leave a deep wound on my soul, one that is always there, although the pain has gotten "easier", I guess, through the years. And it's odd, really, that I'm now re-visiting it, and putting some of it 'on paper', as it were, giving that pain some place other than my soul to live. I hope that makes sense to you - I have a feeling it might.
And hey, wow, thanks for the A+!! It's been EONS since I've gotten an A+!!
Oh, and one more thing. I'd LOVE to see some of your poems, anytime, absolutely anytime. I'd read them with a very open mind and heart, I assure you. So, think about it, and let me know what you think, ok?
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Nova, that is beautiful.
I used to write poetry. I am no longer in that place in my life, that muse has left me. Another has taken its place. Now, I draw when I need to heal some broken part of me. This is one of my favorite pieces. I used to call them doodles. I never intended to sit down and draw this. I just picked up a pencil and started doodling. This is what was there when I was finished. I had been thinking about a friend who told me once that we are all broken. Some on the inside, some on the outside. She thought she was lucky that she was broken on the outside. I hid my broken pieces inside. I let people see the broken me in my drawings.
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Funny how tears represent sadness, but mean so many other things too. Like bittersweet joy. Nice phrase, bo, very descriptive.
I'm sorry - my cat Nova is DEMANDING my attention and my lap, so I've gotta go and take care of him. BUt I'll return. I have more to say. I really like you and I very much want to get to know you better. Yes?
2 people like this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thank you, Nova. You made me cry. Not a sad thing, really. I am glad it touched you in some way. I think that I am always overcome with some kind of bittersweet joy when my art touches something in someone.
Your poem is written the way my daughter writes. I have read so many of her poems. I knew when she wrote them what she was going through, how hard it was for her to get through it. So, yes, I did see something real, and felt it as well, when I read yours. Thank you for sharing it.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Hey Nova, It lightens my heart that sharing common experiences with you can help you, even if it is just the slightest help. The poem is beautiful.
I write short fiction when I feel overwhelmed by life. I put myself into a situation or place in which everything is happy and beautiful. Reality does come back, but my writing gives me the ability to deal with reality.
Thank you
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Cyntrow, it DOES help me!! I don't know what it is, but what I said earlier about getting poetically inspired when I talk with you about that particular 'past life', is absolutely true. And I'm so grateful for it!!! Like you do with your short fiction, I use my poems as vehicles for some of this pain and emotion that's always here, somewhere, whether or not it's visible to anyone else.
You help me deal with my own reality, Cyntrow. I wish I could do something for you too. It's so weird, we have this sisterhood, but on the most OBSCURE level! I'm so happy to have you as my friend. If there's ever anything I could do for you, you MUST tell me. Must.
Thank you. xx
@mummymo (23706)
•
8 Sep 08
I can totally relate to this sweetheart and I thank you for sharing this very emotional and personal piece of writing with us , more specifically with me! I have been in a very similar place and everytime I think I am totally past the reach of any pain from the whole thing the tendrils will reach out and wrap around me a little more which isn't very pleasant. Having said that no matter what pain was inflicted or the pain that is still to come I took away from that relationship the most precious gift anyone could have given me - that of my eldest child , he is the one totally positive thing that came from it and for that reason if no other I would never change a thing about the whole experience! Hugs always xxx
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
5 Sep 08
You are a brilliant writer! I love that poem. Its got wonderful imagery.
Sometimes I will write down what I am feeling, in the form of a letter to the person I feel has hurt me. Then I throw it away.
Other times, I will call a friend that I know I can vent to and she will make it all ok. Sometimes I meditate and give it to the angels or give it to the light.
I might even put in a sad movie or listen to sad songs and let myslef have a good cry. I try not to hold on or hold in to too much stuff. I find that makes it worse.
Keep writing, it is VERY theraputic
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Wow, thank you so much, dizz!!! I'm not completely happy with it, but it forced it's way out of me and insisted on being written, so I didn't even edit it and it is what it is, and the fact that you love it and that it makes you see is so wonderful. Writing letters is a great way to express yourself too, especially if you know you're going to throw it away or just not send it to the person. Sometimes I use my journal in that way. ANd friends who you actually CAN say things to are priceless - I'm so glad you have them in your life. And yes, songs and movies and books can help us release those pent up feelings too, absolutely. I use them all the time for that. Anything we can do that helps us [/i]get it out[i] is great, doesn't matter how. It just matters that we let it go, whoosh, let it out of ourselves, whenever we are able to do that, and that's certainly not always right away. Ha! I've waited decades to vent about certain things in my life! But I'm doing some of that now, and that's where that poem comes from.
I can't stop writing, dizz, any more than I can stop breathing. Sounds like you're the same way, even if you use different vehicles to do it. So don't stop, dizz, don't [/i]you[i] stop either, ok? We don't want any dizzblnd explosion happening, do we? Thank you, dizz, for being here and sharing with me and for your sweet, warm words. I'll see you out there, yes?
p.s. sorry for all those italics - I'm still working that one out..........
Thank you, dizz, for being here and sharing with me and for your sweet, warm words. I'll see you out there, yes?
p.s. sorry for all those italics - I'm still working that one out..........
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
4 Sep 08
When I have any kind of turmoil inside I pray.
I find this settles everything and I leave everything to God.
Poetry is good. I used to write poetry and I know those who do. It is a refreshing and healthy mental expression.
But right now its God - no one else.
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Bluepatch, if it works, then do it. Whatever method we choose to use, if it helps us get through our days and heal our souls, then that's what we should do. It's God for you and that's beautiful. Some of us see god in many things and in ourselves too, as well as other people. I do. What's important though, is that we use whatever tool we need to use if it helps us live and cope. I'm happy that you have God. And I thank you for coming here and sharing that with me, Bluepatch. Take care god bless you.
