He pizzed all over

@webeishere (36351)
United States
September 3, 2008 6:44pm CST
As most know I take care of my elderly father due to a few strokes and not being able to cook and bathe himself etc. Now he is also very lazy. At night he refuses to get up to use the bathroom which is only a mear 10 feet from his bed. He uses a urinal to go at night. He also tends to drink WAY too much lately. Well the other day when I went to empty his urinal I saw 2 huge puddles on the carpet/rug. Seems he missed the urinal. Anyhow I had to take the huge rug outside and shampoo it and dry it in the heat and sunshine then also shampooed the area that soaked through the rug. Now he is not allowed any beverages after 8 p.m. nor laoowed to take any to bed at night as he had in the past. I am geting tired of cleaning the carpet. Have you ever had a situation along these lines with an elderly relative as well? Am I wrong/mean, for not allowing him to take bevearges to bed at night? Am I wrong for cutting his drinking down early evening prior to him retiring? Thanks all. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
13 people like this
39 responses
• United States
4 Sep 08
Awww, try not to be so hard on him. One day he will be gone and you may find yourself wishing you had to clean up after him. http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
3 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Man thanks so very much for this link. It is very beautiful and touching. It brought tars to my eyes. Thanks so much. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 08
You are very welcome. I don't talk to you very much here but I read a lot of your topics and conversations and I knew it would get to you. I have watched it 4 or 5 times and I cry every single time I watch it.
3 people like this
• Canada
4 Sep 08
This is so very touching. I lost both of my parents at a very young age, especially my dad, who I never really had the chance to know. As an adult, I can only ever imagine what it must be like for 'grownup children' to have their parents with them. I couldn't stop crying while viewing it. Thanks so much for this.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 08
Poor Bob, You are in a tough position.Seems at our age our parents become the children and we the parents. When my mother got so sick a few years ago, she was in a nursing home recovering from a broken leg, she also had Dementia. Then we found out she had thyroid cancer, so we decided she needed to be with one of us, we left it up to her and she decided to go with my sister, since she and my hubby didn't always geehaw. Well to make a long story short, my sis had another child on her hands. Like your dad she didn't want to get up and go to the BR and she had a potty seat right beside the bed. My sis has MS so that made it even harder on her. My Mom was a smoker, and the doc's said absolutely no smoking, so my sis would not give her any. Now I viewed that a little different, they already told us they couldn't operate, and there was no hope so why make her suffer even more, was just my opinion, and since she was with my sis it didn't count. I don't envy you what you are going through, nor what you will go through, I will say try to be patient with him like you were with your daughter when she was potty training and had accidents, you will appreciate that more when he passes. My sis has many regrets about the way she spoke to mom before she passed. I try to reassure her that it was hard, and mom would understand, but she beats herself up over it , three years after the fact. I hope this has helped and you will be in my prayers. Blessings Marilyn
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thanks so much Marilyn. It means a lot to read this actually. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
4 Sep 08
No you are not wrong it is just like with a Child if they are not able to control the Bladder then they have a last Drink at certain times, it is not right that you have to keep cleaning it up Do you think it is through Laziness?
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Ity is most assuredly laziness. He even sits in the chair during the day bouncing his leg holding it in. He waits so he doesn't have to get up so often to go. He has admitted this even. Hahahaha! I deal with it as best as I can. Thanks and it is great to see you here by the way. I feel privilaged somewhat. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
• Canada
4 Sep 08
Awwwwwww, gabs. I agree with Grandpa Bob here. It's wonderful to see you, and I do really miss you being around (here). This is a privilege. Take care.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
4 Sep 08
I will still pop in to my good Friends now and again just to let them know I am thinking of you Just won't be around much and profile stays closed for now Love and Hugs to you both
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164216)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
hi Grandpa Bob as I am the elder one here I couldnt make it without my water glass at bedtime. but I would take him to see his doctor to check out his voiding as he might have a prostrate problem that is causing that. also he should force' himself to get up and walk to the bathroom as a person empties his bladder much more in the bathroom than using a urinal. I used to work as a nurses aid so learned a few things. I sometimes wake and need to go and have to really hop to it so I do not dribble on the floor. I think this subject is harder on a male than on us females because our anatomy is so different. I dont think you are really wrong cutting down on his drinking at night but I wouldnt ban him having a glass of water handy if his throat gets dry. older people often have dry throats at night. I know his having had a stroke must make it more difficult too.thank goodness I havent had a stroke. I do take pretty good care of myself.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
The thing is he is just pure lazy. The bathroom is about 10 feet or less from his bed. He can get up to use the bathroom or to get a drink there. He is pure lazy is all that it comes down to really. He has had prostate suregery and that is not a problem. Thanks also friend. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164216)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
yeah theres a lot of that going around in us oldsters but I do force myself to get up from the computer and walk around a bit.I am about eight feet from the bathroom thank goodness as sometimes I dont think I could make it in time otherwise. really do get him to move around more, it will be so good for him. good luck and God Bless you are doing right taking care of your dad.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Just a little after we got home, my wife was in the shower then dad got out of bed coming to the kitchen for a drink of water. hahaha! So he will get up for water. Now I have to get him to get up to pee. I may take the urinal soon from his room. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
4 Sep 08
Wow, Grandpa Bob. It seems like you're 'caught between a rock and a hard place' here. Surely your dad realizes how much you do for him, and that he just needs to make that extra effort to go to the bathroom. I'm wondering if he's not drinking anything after 8:00 p.m., if ice chips would work okay? I know that's what they give women in labour, and I don't think they have to pee all of the time, with these. Another thing you could maybe try, would be to give him something to drink in a smaller glass/container after this time. Surely this would limit the amount of urine he's passing, while still being able to have his drink. I know for me, it'd be real hard for me to go that long without drinking anything. What a dilemma, and your poor carpet, not to mention all of the extra work for you. I hope you're able to get this satisfactorily sorted out, and please let us know of your progress. Take care friend. Hugs.
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thanks. It is gtting to where he sems to enjoy this type of little arguement with me. It may also be his way of geting more attention from me I feel. So I have decided to get him up to the kitchen table and play some cards with me daily as well. He needs the little bit of exercise anyhow. Hahaha! It will work out I'm sure. I hope so anyhow. Thanks again. I loved that video link. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
• Canada
4 Sep 08
You're a great son, and you do so much for him already. Sadly, some people would never dream of doing what you do, for their parent. The card playing is a really good idea, and I'm sure both of you will enjoy it.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
Hi there... Your father has raised a mighty good son in you. Though my circumstances are somehow different from yours in caring for my elderly mother, I'm sure there can not be anything wrong with a little regulation over the amount of what they take be it beverage or food. In my case, I have my mom take a little more softer food than what she's used to (or likes to) because she tends to choke on regularly cooked food. She isn't incontinent yet despite her age of 82 and can fairly walk around malls but she can tire easily and her asthma will give her a hard time when she gets home. She lives with me and so I tend to regulate the things she likes to do and I see somehow it affects her disposition so I just tame her activities down to as little as I can. The video shared here by one of your friends was very touching and it somehow makes me think of what I do to her or for her that might make her feel less appreciated of the life she still shares with us. I guess we shouldn't wrong ourselves for taking care of our parents as best way we know how. A good advise from friends thrown our ways is always appreciated. Happy mylotting...
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Thanks. He does all with for 84. But he is somewhat immobile most times. And this is of his own doing/choice. he took a good fall a couple months ago and now he fears falling again and he doesn't walk like he used to prior to the fall. This is understandable but not to the point where he hates to even walk to the kitchen. But I deal with it. This water/urinating issue will work out I am sure. I may have to get harsh and raise my voice a few times but it will. Thanks again. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Hi Grandpa Bob..Myabe it isn't that he is lazy but it could be due to having the urge to go but going at the wrong time...He may feel like he has to go, gets the urinal and can't go at that time..Then when he really has to go he can't control it.... Just a thought..
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
No, believe me, it is LAZINESS! It has ben proven time and time again. The same thing happened with his physical therapy. They kicked him out of it due to him being too lazy. So I deal with it and try to make him do more on his own like getting up for a drink or to pee. Thanks bunches. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
4 Sep 08
No of course you're not wrong for forbidding that you father drink any liquids after a certain time. Ah, the delights of being a caregiver....how about this one....when I was taking care of my mother it wasn't accidental pees to contend with but shats...quite often she wouldn't quite make it to the bathroom and she would literally shat leaving a wonderful trail of poo behind her....She even did that once when I was talking on the phone ..and it was an important phone call too.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Well I have had my share of cleaning that up as well. Once it was the runs really bad. had to run out at 1 a.m. to get a carpet shampooer from the grocery store. Eww! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
4 Sep 08
This must be very frustrating for you - and for your poor Dad, GB. Have you considered having him wear a nappy at night? I think you call them diapers in America - but they are big pads for incontinent people. Your Dad might not be too pleased about wearing one, but it would save you a lot of hassle!
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Yeah but for now he refuses to wear one. But he will be soon if this happens once more. I swear to that. HAHAHA! Thanks also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7602)
• Canada
3 Sep 08
Well I'm also a caregiver to a relative. Until you walk in the same shoes as we do I really think it would be unfair to be too judgemental. If the urine problem was a problem I'd say it may be time for a nursing home but based on what you say here sounds like a serious case of laziness, and brother do I know what you're going through. No you're not being mean but now a days with the way the law is here in Canada, if you even suggest that they sound have to clean the mess or if you limit the drinking before bed it's pretty much classed as abuse on the elderly. I flat out said, "There will no longer be drinking in the bedroom and if the mess continues you will have to be placed elsewhere." If that was abuse it's just to GD bad but I can tell you it took care of the situation for me. Good luck my friend. I hope like hell there's a place in heaven for caregivers!!!
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
It is pure laziness and he knows it as well as I do. I have told him I may have to put my foot down really hard soon as far as this laziness of his goes. Thanks for your support tc in all these issues I've discussed here. You have been great really all the time. I truely appreciate it bunches friend. There is a place for us caregivers in Heavan I am sure. best be one anyhow. HAHAHAHA! We deserve it. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
3 Sep 08
How about talking to the doctor about some desmopressin, it suppresses urine production. He could take it at night before going to bed. Then you make sure he gets up to pee in the morning before he has a chance to make a mess. Then he can drink in the evening, though I would cut out the take a drink to bed thing and it is a compromise for you both. Of course, this may not be allowed if Dad has a BP problem, but ask the doc. It can't hurt. And no, you are not being mean, maybe linoleum and an area rug maybe better.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Maybe you can try the adult depends. that way if he has an accident, it will not damage the carpet or floor. My mother uses them, she is able to go to the rest room, but sometimes her bladder leaks before she can reach it. He can change it himself in the morning. When he gets tired of doing that, maybe he will be a little more careful at night, and will then be able to have his beverage at his bedside. Good luck
2 people like this
@webeishere (36351)
• United States
4 Sep 08
He has a very hard time getting dressed each day as it is. That is the next line of things for him. I have mentioned that if it occurs again he will be getting them for night time use. Thanks bunches. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@kalav56 (11496)
• India
4 Sep 08
I would suggest that you keep one or two additional urine can by the bed side and see that he uses these when one is over. This would anyday be better than cleanig up a heavy rug.Alternatively you can place the can in a large bucket and ask him to keep it inside. My fahter was a stroke patient for 19 years and the last few years he used a can. TH e last one and half year he was in bed and my mother looked after him.There was a can and a bucket in which this was placed. Whatever is there in your place , you can opt for. But if his beverage is cut down and he has a problem in flushing the system out properly this would lead to other different complications. CArpet cleaning IS very difficult but reduction in output may pose a worse problem. So, both problems should be kept in mind.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
4 Sep 08
woww grandpa bob... i feel for you... i know how hard it is to look after our elderly parents... i hope you will be able to find a solution to fix the situation soon so that you won't have to clean the carpet that often... and i don't think that you are being cruel for not letting your father to drink after 8 pm... may be you can let him have a sip if he is thirsty... but not a drink... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
2 people like this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
4 Sep 08
If he is drinking a lot like you say maybe it's something you should bring up with his Dr, it could be a side effect from his meds or diabetes. In Oregon it would be considered elderly abuse if you threaten to take away fluids or threaten to make them do something they don't want to do even if they are relatives the senior services will come down on you here. If he has a caseworker talk to them maybe they can get him to wear diapers or put him in an adult foster care home. One more, sometimes at night I am very foggy headed and dream I am going to the bathroom and wake up almost peeing the bed! Have some sympathy for your dad his body has been through a lot and I'm sure he doesn't really want to burden you with his health problems. I know it's hard being a caregiver I was one for 21 years, it can drain everything out of you, be strong and hang in there this won't go on forever. Talk to his Dr. and I'm sure help is just around the corner.
2 people like this
@richiem (3646)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
I don't think you are wrong for not giving him beverages to bed. I think your father would understand that. And it is not really easy to clean the carpet. You can tell him to pee before going to bed so the incidence of him peeing at night won't be that much. Have a nice day!
2 people like this
@walijo2008 (4646)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Yeah, it can get frustrating at times, but you know he can't help it, because of the strokes he's had. I myself took care of my grandpa when he got sick, I know how demanding it can get sometimes, sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do, such as limiting what they drink at night and taking things from them. I don't know if your dad would agree, but when my grandpa started having problems like that, he started using adult diapers, I know he didn't like them, but there was nothing else we could do, that was the only way to keep him dry all the time and the furniture dry. Have you given any thought to that? Its funny how when we get older, we become like children again, I know I have to limit what my nephew drinks in the evening, because he wets the bed still..lol. Have a good day
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12646)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I feel for you. Your not being mean or wrong in limiting his drinks. Sometimes you have to get tough. He is grown, sure he has problems. He should have a better aim with his urinal. Let him know if it continues he might have to wear the depends. That might wake him up, good luck.
2 people like this
@Stegeo3 (199)
• United States
4 Sep 08
I can't say that I've been in that situation, but I can see how it feels. Sometimes I drink late at night and feel like exploding early in the morning. I remember reading this one discussion where this man felt like his soul left his body every time he had to urinate in the morning.
2 people like this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
3 Sep 08
No I have not had to deal with a situation like that in an adult. I do think you are right though in cutting back what time the last drink is and not allowed to take any to bed.
2 people like this