For those who USED to be MARRIED...
By dolce_vita78
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
Philippines
September 4, 2008 11:15am CST
I have never been married and though getting married is in my agenda, it is not to take place soon (well, at least not yet...). A friend of mine who just got her marriage annulled shared this to me through e-mail. I thought it would be great to share it with all of you...
[i]1. Thou shalt not live in thy past.
2. Thou shalt be responsible for thy present and not blame thy past for it.
3. Thou shalt not feel sorry for thyself indefinitely.
4. Thou shalt assume thy end of the blame for thy marriage dissolution.
5. Thou shalt not try to reconcile thy past and reconstruct thy future by quick, new marriage.
6. Thou shalt not make thy children the victims of thy past marriage.
7. Thou shalt not spend are thy time trying to convince thy children how terrible and evil their departed parents is.
8. Thou shalt learn all thou can about being a one parent family and get on with it.
9. Thou shalt ask others for help when thou needed it.
10. Thou shalt ask God for the wisdom to bury yesterday, create today and plan for tomorrow.[/i]
3 people like this
11 responses
@intimate36 (1415)
• Pakistan
5 Sep 08
All the points are good..and helpful..I have been married for 19 years..so you can say..I am experienced...And thank God..I do not have any experience of separation...
We have good understanding, as for last 22 years, we know each other..( three years before we got married ) .We never had a quarrel ..Difference of opinion is something different.
Before we got married..we decided on few things and follow them strictly..
1) In any circumstances, never lie to each other..
2) If there is any difference of opinion, sit together and come to a conclusion.
3) Once, we reach to a conclusion, and if that back fires, never blame each other..
4 ) No argument, in front of kids..
5 ) If one of us, is scolding, punishing,or angry for any reason, with any child...the other one will, neither interfere nor support the child.
So ...we have a god chemistry..no quarrels,,,and thus a happy couple
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
4 Sep 08
[i]Hi dolce,
wow..this is very cool! I am new in this marriage life and honestly, it's wonderful! It's not the bed of roses, actually, but the learning and the experiences each day is very great and challenging! It is really necessary to have the man of our choice and the one we truly love since it is not easy to be in this journey once you are forced or you are just influenced! LOL!
I love the messages here! I agree that living in the past should be a NO NO in any relationship, cultivating it and bringing it back during fight or arguments isn't healthy! So, two parties should be mentally, physically and psychologically matured![/i]
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
hi there, i know this discussion is so so so so fit for me lol. i can agree with that all but of course it depends of every situation. it is also need to consider here the feelings of the children involve. sometimes even we dont blame but the children will be the one blaming someone. in a married life it is not only you and your partner, when you have children already they are part of the marriage as well. i do have problems like that specially now that my first born just talked to me about blaming his dad for something. it is not easy to forgive and forget when the past is being opened by the people involve.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
6 Sep 08
It appears a good collection and good teaching for a married couple, provided these are adopted in day to day practical life.
@afternoontea (1005)
• Indonesia
6 Sep 08
Hi dolce vita,
I am married a year ago and yes.. I started to need that advise for now and for my future..hehehe.. Especially number 3. That was for me...(for this moment)
@msedge (4011)
• United States
17 Sep 08
These are really true dolce.I had a failure marriage before and i never lived with my past.I move on and conmtinue the journey of my life with the guidance of our Lord.Now i finally found the man that really love and cares for me and love my daughter as his own.I could say we are a happy family.Though sometimes its natural to have misunderstanding but we always try to fix things right.
@shana123 (2095)
• India
5 Sep 08
These words have indepth meaning and i think this is useful to everyone who are about to marry or already given in marriage.. we have to learn lots of things from our past but we should never always think about our past by always doubting the things which happened in the past to happen now.. and so nice thanks for sharing this
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
Nice advice basically it is something that most separated people blame the past. Well that is really true about people separated they tend to cling to the past and some refused to even move forward towards what life is with them. For as long as you cling to it you will never grow and your life wasted and haunted by the past.
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
Hi dolce_vita78! I am still married and I don't think I will be needing this in the near future. haha..However, this sounds great and I think I can apply this in other aspects of my broken relationships with other people but of course, will change some of the characters in those lines. haha.. And I will forward this to my brother and congratulate him for being a wonderful father and kind person despite of his broken marriage which somehow I am thankful that he was able to get out of the marriage by the way (that is another story). Thanks for sharing this.
Take care always..God Bless!
Separated people can really relate to it.
Have a nice day!
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
4 Sep 08
Hi dloc_vita,
That is very good and true advice, all yoo often womem always seems to blame themselves for the breakup of their marriage, they are not to blame, it takes two hands to clap. Now have you good advice for the married? I would like to hear.
Tamara
