My parents are fighting....
By relundad
@relundad (2310)
United States
September 7, 2008 10:53pm CST
In an earlier discussion, the poster felt like it was necessary for a couple to stay together if they had kids or they would somehow grow up wounded individuals.
My arguement then and now was that if the marriage is to the point that divorce is inevitable, but hasn't happened, you are doing no justice to your kids to stay in the marriage for their sake.
If you and your spouse are fussing and fighting all of the time and your children have to witness this how is this healthier than them growing up with either a single parent or joint custody.
Though society deems a 2 parent family ideal or perfect for a growing child, do you think its right to stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids?
6 people like this
14 responses
@littleowl (7157)
•
13 Sep 08
To be honest no I don't think it is healthy for the children or yourself and husband to stay together for the sake of the children..I was divorced when my two children were 6 and 7yrs old my children but they both wanted to stay with their dad as they both had their schooling and friends where he lived I thought it was best for them my ex and I got joint custody which was the best thing we did and the decision of letting my children stay with their father was right as the relationship I was in got violent and abusive...littleowl
1 person likes this
@mykmari_08 (2464)
• Philippines
9 Sep 08
yes it is. all the arguments that your parents are having right now is normal for married couples you might help them in some way by talking to each of them and do some effort for them to realize that you want to help them sort things out. sometimes parents who are always arguing don't realize that both of them are wrong and somebody should be a go-between. you don't want your parents to separate do you? so try to help them mend their differences. it's sane to stay in marriage for the sake of the children at least for moral support. if your parents are separated there will always be a rumor mongering around, questions about why they separate, and those questions will only embarass the children who in their very young age are not capable to handle such problem which will result to unfocused mind during lessons in school or even uncooperative mindset during school discussion or children may become warfreak. besides, time will heal all arguments. your parents may need sometime out-of-town or change of environment if money is not the reason for their quarrels. but if its money i think they need some prayers already. so consider helping them.
1 person likes this
@nlcapricorn (1114)
• Philippines
9 Sep 08
Well if i am in the situation i will never stay just for the sake of our kids.. Its useless...why staying with each other and you are not happy? you always fight even just in a very small things.? Thats not what you had vow in the church in front of the Lord during wedding. Its gonna be hard for the children but they have no choice than to live with their parents and the life is miserable. They will understand from time to time why that was happening. There are a lot of children have grown, had a nice life even though their respective parents are divorce.
@geekyjock (371)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
I know it's a hard and big decision when it comes to family issues. Especially if it involves on separation of both parents. But I think the children just the same as the parents needed to be respected and to be involved in serious matter in terms of being honest to them. But I think if it is possible, Parents are primarily made a pact to each other when they build the family and therefore I think if it is possible that physically they shouldn't get separated meaning they still live on the same house. In this situation children will still feel that both parents are still present and are there to support them. And When they are old enough to understand, parents could do what they want to each other. I think this is a new way of not compromising the children and at the same time giving a chance to your partner if you still can rebuild your relationship. Besides, it is worth the time you will use.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2310)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Well I guess it depends on the stage of dismay...because I don't know that "living in the same house" is quite the example that I want to give my kids. I don't know that I would want him to think that happy married couples just co-exist for my sake and then maybe carry the guilt of that. Kids are very observant and pick up on the tensions between adults pretty quickly.
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
My parents were never married and their relationship kind of dissolved once my dad was sent to jail. So I never really had a chance to deal with them split up because I guess I just didn't realize that they weren't together. My father did cheat on his wife with my mother and because of that it caused a lot of tension. This is my opinion...When two ADULT people make a commiment to each other they need to make sure that everything is in check. There are a lot of divorces that could have been avoided before the "I DO's". For most people the signs are there before marriage that this relationship is probably not the best thing. But we as humans have a tendency to be selfish and think of only ourselves and not the future (kids). Then you get married and have kids and all of a sudden you realize that you don't love each other anymore?? What the heck is that? It's too late now. There is so much at stake. I'm not saying that you should stay together becaus of the kids but you should try everything in your power to make sure that marriage isn't salvagable before you break up that home. Things get rough before they get better. I don't know if this helps.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I totally understand your point, so many people get married, just to say they are married. The same with kids. After the fact someone realizes that this was a bad move. By then you have a whole family screwed up basically because of something you decided on a whim. I think these attribute to the divorce rate being as high as it is.
@mykmari_08 (2464)
• Philippines
9 Sep 08
yes it is. all the arguments that your parents are having right now is normal for married couples you might help them in some way by talking to each of them and do some effort for them to realize that you want to help them sort things out. sometimes parents who are always arguing don't realize that both of them are wrong and somebody should be a go-between. you don't want your parents to separate do you? so try to help them mend their differences. it's sane to stay in marriage for the sake of the children at least for moral support. if your parents are separated there will always be a rumor mongering around, questions about why they separate, and those questions will only embarass the children who in their very young age are not capable to handle such problem which will result to unfocused mind during lessons in school or even uncooperative mindset during school discussion or children may become warfreak. besides, time will heal all arguments. your parents may need sometime out-of-town or change of environment if money is not the reason for their quarrels. but if its money i think they need some prayers already. so consider helping them.
@mykmari_08 (2464)
• Philippines
9 Sep 08
yes it is. all the arguments that your parents are having right now is normal for married couples you might help them in some way by talking to each of them and do some effort for them to realize that you want to help them sort things out. sometimes parents who are always arguing don't realize that both of them are wrong and somebody should be a go-between. you don't want your parents to separate do you? so try to help them mend their differences. it's sane to stay in marriage for the sake of the children at least for moral support. if your parents are separated there will always be a rumor mongering around, questions about why they separate, and those questions will only embarass the children who in their very young age are not capable to handle such problem which will result to unfocused mind during lessons in school or even uncooperative mindset during school discussion or children may become warfreak. besides, time will heal all arguments. your parents may need sometime out-of-town or change of environment if money is not the reason for their quarrels. but if its money i think they need some prayers already. so consider helping them.
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
20 Sep 08
I have to disagree with you. My children were 11 and 7 when there Dad and I divorced. He was cheating and I knew I could not live in a marriage that I would have to wonder day in and day out...."Is he with her tonight?" Or " did he really have to work over?" No that's not fair to me or the kids. I had a brother die from Aids and I was not willing to live, that he might bring something home to me. Tell me, How would you explain to your children that you are dieing because mommy or daddy decide to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? And brought some diease home to you? How is that fair to the children. Sometime you can create a better life for your children when you are apart from the husband or wife. My children graduated On the honor roll and N.S.A and that was both of them. They had a happer and healther life after we split then when we were together. The both are doing well and living good. Yes, Parents fight! and so do siblings. But that's apart of life. But, if the fighting has gotten bad and become vilent then NO the parents SHOULD NOT stay together for the kids. That is a great injustace. What it all boils down to....Is you should be truthful to your children. If they ask why are you and daddy fighting. Then tell them the truth..DON'T LYE. But don't spend all you energy putting down the other. The person in the wrong in a marriage will show there true side in time. Bad or Good. And the kids will see it for themselve. Putting the other down only causes confussion for the child. And lyeing to them only make them feel they may have done something to cause the problem. Never let them feel that way. Put yourself in there shoe. Remember how you felt when your parent fought.
This will help you and the children except the split up and be able to move on. SO you really need to think about it... There could be many different things that could be causing the fighting! And there are Two things I alway said I would not live with....And that's a cheater or phsyical vilance.
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
i agree with you..you have the point..i myself had grown up from a separated family...but i never got bitter towards it but accepted that its the best for all of us...when i was young i used to see my parents fight, yell and curse on each other...it left me to be a frightened kid and thought i would never want that to happen to me one day...then i wish they just separate if they cannot do it together...its not easy of what its doing to the kids...its so hard to deal with it you wish them apart rather than seeing them fight every chance they get...its better for them to separate after all..
1 person likes this
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
9 Sep 08
No I don't think a couple should stay together for the kids, I feel it does more harm them good. I am a child of divorce. and I am divorce myself. I have 2 children and I wanted to have a marriage where I would be able to raise my children in a 2 parent home. But it just wasn't ment to be. I had been married for 12 years to find out he was cheating. I have moreals. and I couldn't sleep in the same bed with a husband of 12 years that has put me at risk, for his own selfishness. The trust was gone and Im not good at faking it. After I filed for divorce. I seen a big difference in my children. and it was all good, They laughed more, they played more. and we became very close. They both graduated from highschool with honors and one joined the air force as a cop and the other went to broadcast school, The are both doing very well. A fighting home is no place for children. There only kids once. And they should get the oppertunity to be kids and find good in life and not always dread the next day. I spend my childhood crying alot. because my folks tryed to stay together for the kid. A kid should not be expected to have to consoul the parents.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I think you are right. I just responded to a poster that thought maybe the parents should both still live in the same house. My opinion is that if they are just co-existing kids will pick up on that in a heartbeat and may also carry guilt as a result.
@sweethomecatring (1563)
• India
8 Sep 08
Of course, what rights any of the parents has to kill the smiles on the face of a child who is just to taste the life by depriving him/her of warm affections of the mother and care of father after whose name his life will survive. If the child has no right who give them the right to produce a child and throw at the mercy of the god. I think that first people should not marry and produce children at all. If they marry and produce children there should be a law they they should both take care of their production until they are grown up and at that they try to deceive them they may be able to fight them also.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
9 Sep 08
Hi relundad,
No I don't think children should witnessed these arguments and voilents from their parents becausse thy in turn do when they are married themselves. The parents you separate fro the sake of the childre.
Tamara
