Arranged marriage still out there?
By geekyjock
@geekyjock (371)
Philippines
September 9, 2008 2:01pm CST
Arranged marriage were once a traditional way of giving security to the person who will get married. The parents from both party decides for their children to get married. With this, parents will have assurance of their son/daughter's future of course that''s why they agree to let their children get married. But many thought these traditional way to get married is so ancient that it doesn't exist anymore. I also thought so but I was wrong. I actually have a friend who got married by parents' arrangements and she could do nothing about it telling me she doesn't want her parents to get disappointed. But I think she's making a big mistake marrying a guy she never really know much about. What do you think of arranged marriage?
3 responses
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
10 Sep 08
For your first question, you answered it yourself. Arrange marriages do still happen. Sometimes not even as direct as your friend's experiences. Traditional Chinese families would not allow their children to marry non-Chinese people - that in a way is a form of arranging their children's marriages because they don't give their children the control they deserve over their lives.
What do I think about it? I think it's sad that marriage and love could not be reconciled in that kind of tradition (well sometimes they fall in love within their marriage but that doesn't happen too often).
@geekyjock (371)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Yes you're right, some cold actually fall in love while they are already married. And at the end of it all they will be looked at as "flirty" or a "bit%@h" or some nasty stuffs. Ofcourse I think morally it is not right to love another man/woman if you're married, but if you look deeply in their situation, be married to someone you don't love then suddenly you found someone who you can really love? I feel pity on them, that their happiness will be treated s a sin.
Yes you're right about chinese! Actually I'm half chinese and half spanish-Filipino, but mainly we intigrated our chinese culture and chinese tradition. And to be honest with you 95% of my friends and anyone chinese that I talked to they SHOULD marry chinese folks to. But not necessary arranged, but it is surely influenced by the tradition. Worse is they get to be arranged by their parents. I think it's not a healthy way to nourish someone especially getting into marriage.
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
13 Oct 08
It's unfair to the bride and groom. It could work out well and they really fall in love and such but lets be realistic, what are the chances of that? Even here in the US are religions where marriages are arranged. Often the deal involves some sort of dowry payment. It's like cattle handed off. It does work for some, for some it's a livable arrangement, for others it could be pure hell.
I used to know a girl from Iran who was married off by her parents to a guy she didn't know. She got out of the marriage eventually (don't know how, she didn't want to tell, just that it was terrible to be with the guy). She never married again. Seemed to have scarred her for life.
@rosedust82 (2066)
• Philippines
10 Sep 08
I'm not into arranged marriages. I actually feel sorry for those who have had to undergo such a thing. If anyone should get married, it should be because they want to not because someone else says so. The problem with a lot of fixed marriages is there's no love. I can't help but think what happens after they get married. Correct me if I'm wrong but probably a lot of these marriages are unsuccessful especially if the two have not learned to love each other. On the other hand, fixed marriages are okay if the two people getting married are already in love with each other. However, I doubt that is the case in most fixed marriages eh? Sad. I hope your friend will be okay. If she doesn't love the guy, can't she sit down and talk to her parents?
