When does parenthood end?

alone - I felt so alone without my parents...
Philippines
September 12, 2008 2:04am CST
Or does it ever end? Does it have to end? I know I’m a little bitter (maybe more than just a little bitter) about how my life’s been doing as of now. I contribute it to my parents’ expectations of me and my failure to live up to those expectations. Well, I’m pretty I’m not alone in this. I guess, it's universal issue. We all live by other people's expectations, one time or another. And maybe, human beings as we are, we sometimes fail to live up to those expectations, try as we might... I remember a part of Keith Ablow's novel entitled Murder Suicide where John Snowe, the man who committed suicide or have been murdered (find out by reading the book) realized one very important key to understanding his life when he was diagnosed with a brain disease. Before that, he grew up living up to his parents' expectations. He's a genius, a mathematician, a scientist... his parents were proud of him. He gave them everything they wanted, but of course, it was expected of him, he's but their son, he should bring them pride and glory. He was doing fine then, until he started to have "freezing moments" whenever he's in the height of excitement, or trying to decipher the answer to the most difficult Calculus problem ever. Then he'll have seizures, he'll bite his tongue and even lose his composure. The doctors advised him not to put too much strain on his intellectual capacity then. It was when his parents started to ignore him, started to treat him like he's nothing special. Gone were the days when they were proud parents of an intelligent son. John Snowe realized his parents didn't love him; they loved his brains and when something went wrong with it, they stopped loving the brain and thus he was abandoned as well... I finished that book a month ago and I never really questioned my parents' love for me then. It wasn’t one of my worries. I was positive my parents love me. Hey! I'm no genius, they couldn't have loved my brain, I was sure they love me as me. I was... After almost two weeks of not hearing from them though, my "faith" on that love started to crumble. My friend was right when she pointed out it is normal for them to be feeling that way, since they expected too much from me and I failed them. Yes, failures are enough to abandon your own child I guess. It seems normal. I'm hoping though that I wouldn't be a normal parent so I wouldn't have to do that to my own son. How can a mother endure doing that to her own blood? How can she ever let a day go by without making sure her child is alright? But well, maybe given the circumstances, when that child failed the parent's expectations, it is but normal. Again, I wouldn't want to be a normal parent then. When you fall short of their expectations... is that enough reason to drop you like a hot potato? Is that enough reason to severe the ties, the bond that you thought were strong enough to help you cope up with life? Is that enough to abandon you when they "love" you so much? Maybe. I guess it is. But I was hoping it isn't... Does parenthood end here? I know I have to give them time to realize I’m not perfect but I’m afraid my heart will be hardened and I wouldn’t be able to make myself reconcile with them. I’m a little confuse here... and yes, I'm more than just a little bitter about this.
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1 response
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
12 Sep 08
I don't believe that parenthood ever ends. You start worrying about your kids before conceiving, during pregnancy and than after they are born. At least that is my case. The older they get the more worries you have about them. When they are young you can "control" them up to a certain extent. Whey they are of age they start questioning everything and start doing the opposite of what you suggest. Parenthood was never easy!
• Philippines
13 Sep 08
Shucks! I'm sure it isn't easy to become a parent, I'm almost a Mom now, I'll be a full-pledge Mom on December... Too bad it wasn't enough though that I did everything that my father wanted me to do and when things fell apart, I still have to take all the blame because I had a choice and yet I've chosen to follow them.... And this is how my life has been...