Depression is to me
September 15, 2008 3:43am CST
This is my depression,I get up in the morning wishing I didn't wake up.I have to face a daughter that wants lunch money because she embarrassed to get free lunch,so I count out my change and hope I have enough because if I don't I know she will go hungry before she accepts the free lunch.I know before she leaves the house that she doesn't have the binders and folders that are now required of her at school.I am so proud of her that she makes the best of it and still brings home a's and b"s.She is a good student and a good daughter for that I am forever grateful. My depression comes from the fact that I know I should provide better for her and I don't.I have my reasons some of them are good and some of them are pretty lame in the grand scheme of things.I have an illness hat mimics multiple sclerosis though I have not been diagnosed yet it is pretty sure that it is what my illness is.Either way it limits me in my job prospects but then I do have post traumatic stress disorder,and social anxiety to its fullest and other disorders that prevent me from doing normal everyday work..I am so tired of trying to do the right thing for my daughter,I just want to end it now,I have done everything for her for 17 years and I will continue until she is 18 but then I have no reason to continue.I am done then I have raised her well she is a good kid and will function well in society.I have never functioned well in society so I guess you could consider this my suicide note.I love my daughter,and she was the only reason I lived for the past 18 years I IHAVE NO OTHER REASON TO LIVE . Mary,I love you Kyrstie
15 Sep 08
Just hang on there Jasmine! I understand how tough the situation you are in right now Jasmine, but DON'T LOSE HOPE. Get professional help a.s.a.p. if you feel like putting an end to your life. A psychiatrist or psychologist will do. If you need someone to talk to, talk to us MyLotters... I believe that Kyrstie will understand you, if she will be informed about your medical condition. Pray Jasmine. We are all here for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 08
Hi Jasmine, first off let me just say that a mile in your shoes sounds bad, but it really could be worse. I completely understand a lot of what you are going through. I have 4 kids 13, 13, 11, and 10. Three years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD as well as DID. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 16. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it has been for me. I have a feeling I don't have to tell you though. The best thing you can do is talk it out. The thing is you still have your daughter to live for after she turns 18. Do you think your daughter wants to have her first child or get married without her mother there? Feel free to talk to me anytime. I know it's hard, but it's easier when you don't try to go it alone.