Suggestions on how to get my daughter to stop stealing

loads of cash - loads of cash what we all like to think we can earn here on mylot.
@scorpio19 (1363)
September 17, 2008 3:22am CST
This is an ongoing problem with my 13 year old daughter, she is always taking money off me, not hugh amounts but it's wrong regardless of the amount I think. I have tried everything I can possibly think of to try and get her to realise, how wrong it is of her to steal but she just doesn't get it and will stand and lie everytime I ask her about it. She always blames her brothers so I'm normally left not knowing who to believe but I know she is the one who takes it, as she always takes my make-up, hair products and perfumes and when I ask her if she's used them, she denies it but I always find them in her room. I don't have a problem with her using my stuff as long as she asks first if it's ok, so I'm pretty confident it is her and not her brothers as they have never shown this sort of behaviour and I have actually caught her in the act once taking and hiding money from the house. I took all her personal belonging out of her room last time, which had no affect on her at all. So again this morning I've noticed money was missing and I can't tell you how upset and angry I feel right now with her. She is at school now and does stay behind after school today for guitar practise also in the week she has singing lessons which she enjoys. so I have just rung the school and spoken to one of their behavioural managers and explained that she is not to stay behind after school, she is to always come home then went on to tell her why and that my daughter needs to learn once and for all that stealing is wrong. She cannot get privileges if she steals. Please give me your opinions and any advice. Thank you.
13 people like this
39 responses
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
17 Sep 08
I am so sorry to hear this, scorpio19. I know that you are upset and sad to see your daughter like this. I want to ask you whether you have ever asked some professional to examine her problems? Because I had a friend that also have some problems with stealing, but somehow he doesn't realize that he is stealing something. Common words for it kleptomaniac, and I don't know how to say it, but it can be cured under the supervision of an expert. I believe your daughter is not a bad girl, but this behavior might happened under her unconscious mind, and that is why she always blame the other because she didn't realize that she took it from you. I hope that you can solve this problem real soon, because I am feeling bad to hear something like that. Good luck scorpio19
5 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I've just noticed that photo that as been included in my discussion I think that must be an error because I never included it, I have had to point that out to anyone else who may respond to my discussion as it looks awful and so insensitive of me... I've been uploading photos this morning and I did not know how it all worked here on mylot.. I do now so shall be careful in the future...so sorry !!! Hello Klaudine, I think you have a very good point and I have been considering this myself with her because it does sound like a Kletomaniac. I might just take her to see the doctor or at least tell her I will if she does it again.
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I'm going to see if I can delete that photo it's making me feel terrible,
3 people like this
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
17 Sep 08
No that's okay. I didn't notice that there were a photo until you mentioned it. I am so sorry I don't know where the delete feature is, but if you want to you might contact the admin. I think you should give it a try. Your daughter behavior should be changed before she really lived in the real world. as her mother you would be more forgiving and permissive to that kind of behavior, I am afraid if this things not get to be settled soon she would take other people's thing and I don't think that they would understand such a behavior. I am so sorry if you felt offended, I didn't mean that, I just don't know how to say it because I think giving you solution might breaking your heart a little. as you share this to us, it must be a real heartbreaking. I hope you would find the solution as soon as possible, scorpio19
4 people like this
• United States
17 Sep 08
I totally agree no privileges if she is going to steal. Then her lying about it, well that kind of goes along with stealing. I had a cousin that did that. My aunt just put a lock on her room and then the stealing quit. He stopped doing it after he stole at a store and my aunt found out, she made him go in and tell the manager, also the manager called the cops. He never stole again and was very embarrassed. I hope everything works out, without cops.
4 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
oh gosh I really want to avoid that ever happening to her, been caught stealing because she is also a very intelligent girl and I really don't want her to have a conviction on her record as in the UK it can be held against you if you apply for a job or university, thanks for your response.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Sep 08
well i hope it doesn't come to that either. Having a record can be devastating.
4 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
yes it can and someting I hope for her to avoid by dealing with this once and for all, no matter what it takes..children can't see what their actions can get them into...they would rather believe we are trying to scare them. Thanks once again for your response.
3 people like this
@rsa101 (23714)
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
Yes you are right about that stealing is bad whether it is small or more so when its big. But, starting from small things may lead to bigger things if left unattended or not being disciplined at all. I think you should consult a guidance counselor who you think can help you with disciplining your child. Maybe the counselor maybe able to assess her why is she doing this compulsively or otherwise. There must be some triggering behavior that prompts her to do these things maybe some insecurities in herself and she might just be compensating the stealing for her insecurity. I guess a professional psychologist might be able to help you on this.
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I think your right it has gotten to the point where I need outside help because I am running out of ways to help her to see it is very wrong and like you have pointed out I'm worried if it is left and not handled properly it will lead on to other things. Thanks so much.
4 people like this
@rsa101 (23714)
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
It is really pretty obvious that with the kind of behavior that she has right now I really think there should be a third party to hear her side an you side. It is good that a third party to evaluate where the problem really exist because for sure there is something that is triggering her to do it. It may be how you handle things that may be the source of the problem or it might just be purely behavioral that just is asking for attention. A third party should be the one to evaluate it for the two of you.
4 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I agree...thanks for your reponses it's appreciated.
3 people like this
• Sri Lanka
17 Sep 08
I think your daughter has been misguided by somebody. First you must find what she does with the money she gets. Then find out the ones she associates. May be she is in accompany with bad friends. Prohibitting her after school practices is not the solution. If you stop them she will become more stuborn. You have to deprive her previlages tactically. You must let her understand stealing is wrong from a way which she feels so badly. You have to find it out.
4 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I completely agree but this has been going on for a few years and I have tried and tried differing tactics and I'm really struggling with what to come up with next..I'm not a overly strict parent but no does mean no with me, if I say something then I will always follow it through to show I mean what I say.
3 people like this
• Canada
17 Sep 08
Well I hope taking away her privileges will help and if it doesn't i would take her to a counselor even one at her school could probably help. Does she get a allowance? if not it could be why she is stealing money from you. ( not saying you should reward her by giving her one tho lol) I would suggest talking to her about getting an allowance if she can prove that she will not steal from you anymore. The only thing that taught me was getting caught at the age of 13 and having the police take me home and being banned from the mall for a year. I really hope you can get this solved sweety.
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
oh dear I really hope it doesn't come to that..she does have pocket money (allowance)she's no need to steal and I'm quite generous without spoiling my kids, so again no need for her to take she doesn't lack for things but I've just had a call back from school, apparently there is no guitar practise ever at the school so she's of someplace else..so I've just had a good talk with this lady from the school and she is going to look into ways to get me some professional help because this really does need sorting now..thank you so much for your kind words I'm so appreciative of everyone who's stopped to give me advice, it's really been a big help.
2 people like this
• Canada
17 Sep 08
Well if she is getting allowance and still stealing then i would say stop the allowance and secondly WOW no guitar practice!!! I would say she has some explaining to do. Now if it were me she would be grounded and I would be dropping her off and picking her up from school. I am so glad I am not into the teen years with my kids yet and hope I don't go through this but I am sure I will at some point Good luck to you
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
Thanks for all your advice and help...yes if your children are young then make the most of them because the teenage years are a nightmare..trying to get them through it.
• Canada
18 Sep 08
Holy Cow are girls ever trouble!!! This is part of the issues I am having with my daughter to and I too have tried everything to no avail!!! I am getting her in with councelling now. If you haven't already maybe when you take all the kids out by something for all the other kids, and not her, make a point of telling her that she isn't getting anything because she always takes money. I dunno maybe also giving her a chance to do work to a) repay you and b) to earn money? I am unsure as this hasn't worked with my daughter either, and from talking to quite a few mom's this is a huge problem with their daughters also...I am at a loss, if you find something that works let me know I would love to hear it, and if I find out something I shall do the same! Bless You many times over, because I truely know how difficult this is!!!
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
I will definitely keep intouch with you and let you know if I do eventually find a way to make her realise how wrong it is to steal, I'm so sorry your experiencing this with your daughter, it is such a big worry for parents when your child does this and like you say, you have tried everything possible, me too but nothing works, so now I do hold my hands up and admit this one beats me I really don't know what to do next..thank you so much for understanding.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (41914)
• Cambridge, England
18 Sep 08
I would have complete confidence that she already knows how wrong it is to steal. I'm sure that you, Scorpio, are an excellent mother and have brought your children up well. She doesn't do it because she doesn't know it's wrong - it is likely that she is doing it BECAUSE she knows it's wrong! In other words, she is using it to express anger, hurt, frustration and other emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with any other way.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
17 Sep 08
I feel very sad to hear about this habit of your daughter. Every parents would be feel the same. I think you should give some money to your daughter before she steals from your purse of pocket. I think she needs some money to buy something. So if she gets money from you, she will give up stealing. Take this habit of your daughter seriously. Otherwise her habit may become dangerous some day.
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
Thanks for response.
1 person likes this
@rainmark (4302)
17 Sep 08
You need to take action on her behavior before it's get worst. I remember my sister used to steal my mother's money when she is young. But everytime she done stealing my mother punished her,put her hands on the table and hit it many times until she promise not to do it again. When you not decipline your daughter early it might be her habbit to steal even to someone else. Take her to the psychologist, that helps her!
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
Thank you for response.
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
I suggest that you take some time to talk with your daughter in private,and in your gentlest manner and ask her why is she doing it? There might be some reasons which she cannot tell you straight out because she is afraid of the reaction she might get from you. Talk to her without yelling, she might just be needing some extra attention from you.
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
thank you for response
1 person likes this
@NrgDfenZ (1810)
• Belgium
17 Sep 08
Maybe steal something from her, so she knows how it feels ? It may be a bit drastic :D Have a good day..
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
Thank you for response..I shall see..lol
1 person likes this
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
17 Sep 08
Okay, this is a tough one, but take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one facing this problem. A couple of my friends faced the same problem with their daughters. I think they will outgrow this habit with you love and advice. Don't show anger (even though it is difficult to control). It will only get worse. Take her out for a walk and talk to her about it. Ask her why she needs the money. Sometimes it could be more than meets the eye. Before you do anything, pray to Jesus to help you solve this problem. I'm sure He will help you. Log on to a site www.jesuscalls.org and send a pray request. I've been helped so many times. I will pray that your daughters kicks this habit far away.
3 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I might just do that pray for help and guidance I've tried everything else..I have spoken to her many times about this but nothing seems to get through to her..thanks for your repsonse.
2 people like this
@edujccz (929)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Scorpio, i guess we are in the same boat, my daughter did the same and her mom always scold her, at the age of seven her teacher called us that our daughter was giving 100$ each to her classmates, however we were able to retrieve the money, so many times she steal money of her brothers and her little sister, from her moms wallet but I wondered why never in my wallet or any of my things. At first we dont know what to do, all i can hear are shouting and scolding from her mom. I asked my self why not to me? So maybe she needs attention from her mom I thought. She reached her teen age and still no change. My wife and I had a heart to heart talk one day and told her to change her ways of treating her daughter, to show her the good side of life and not only scolding that she gets every day. I said, she needs your attention as a loving mother, the more she nags the more I can my daughter is getting stubborn. My wife at first was mad at me but maybe she realized that I might be right. So she change attitude, my daughter steals, she ignore it and ask her if she needs money, any thing she needs and they will buy for it, she hugs her most oftenly and they do the housework chores and share stories and laughing together. My dauther did changed. She is now 22 and never heard of anything missing in the house again. Maybe your daughter need some attention of love and caring too. just my suggestion. Have a good day and may God Bless You.
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
I do take your point and I have thought myself is it me and the way I am with her but I do give her love and attention, I have two other children and they do not behave like this at all but my daughter right from been born has always demanded my full attention, thanks for your reply it's something to think about.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (41914)
• Cambridge, England
18 Sep 08
Please don't think that it is your fault, Scorpio. You are, I am sure (from the way you write), as good a mother as anyone could wish for and have brought up your family well - and continue to do so!
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
Hi Owlwings..I just think I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all..but I know it's not all my fault but then I have to look at myself aswell..thanks though for your kindness.
• Canada
18 Sep 08
Her stealing even small amounts is wrong and I understand you being upset because as a parent we try our best to teach our children right from wrong and when they do something wrong we wonder where we went wrong . This is just a thought and I do not know if you would be interested in taking it this far but chances are she would never steal again if she got the scare of a lifetime . Try speaking to a police officer about this , explain the situation and let him or her know that you only want to scare her into believing she can be arrested for this as you are not going to press charges . Because the truth is if she steals at home and gets away with it , before long she will be stealing from friends and then move on to stealing from stores until it escalates to the point where she really could be arrested for shop lifing . Normally if you speak to an officer about something like this they are willing to take the time to help out as they do not want to have to pick up any child years later if a scare could have stopped them when they were younger . You could do it so that she did not blame you for this as well by saying that you if it was not her then you were afraid someone was coming into your home and you had to call for this reason . Have the officer question her and tell her he believes she is the one who is stealing from her parents and that she could be in big trouble for this if she does not fess up but that if she does she would be let go this one time as it would be her warning . Best of Luck in whatever you decide to do :)
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
I completely agree with you and I've thought about doing exactly how you have put it, I just need to find the courage to do it, you are right also when kids do go wrong, we look at ourselves as parents and look at where we went wrong, I'm blaming myself for this and trying to see what could of triggered it, tell you what kids don't come with an instruction manual do they..lol..thanks so much for your sound advice.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (41914)
• Cambridge, England
18 Sep 08
It is easy and so natural to blame oneself but it really isn't your fault, Scorpio. As I have said, this is not an uncommon problem and has nothing to do with anything you did or did not do that anyone else might have done (or not). Try to be at peace with yourself because blaming yourself really doesn't help!
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
That's true it doesn't help anyone..least of all my girl..thank you.
@Hatley (164229)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Sep 08
scorpio first of all you need to find out why she is stealing. does she have an allowance? does she feel left out when other kids seem to have so much more? I know stealing is wrong, that is a give, but it seems to me that the bigger fuss you make, 'the worse her stealing becomes, she is trying to tellyou something? does she get money for the things all teens want like cosemetics and perfume? why is she using yours? perhaps without meaning to do it you have become a very stern harsh mother whom she is unable to talk to.taking her personal belongings out of her room would seem to make it worse. I see a little girl locked in a battle with an adult, neither one giving an inch. youu need to take her to a child psychologist to get some help as you may be just as much to blame as she is.yes stealing is wrong, but not letting her have the things other kids have is also wrong, and not showing any warmth at all to a kid who is in trouble is just plain awful I am an older woman whose children are grown but I have seen these problems and they are never one sided, she is not a horrible little thief she is your mixed up, crying for help child. I have a hunch if you gave her an allowance and paid her for doing certain tasks around the house, and eveen found some little jobs a kid her age could get paid for, her stealing just might stop, also if you could just forget the sermons long enough to show some warmth to her maybe she might become more what you want in a daughter. I dont think she is all to blame, I see you must have some part in this too. why must you take away everything she enjoys? how is this going to help I feel she is horribly angry with herself and you and allthis is just making her worse, you may be a strict person with no faults of your own, but you are not reading her call for help. get a professinonal an also take some of the blame yourself. you sound very moralistic, not forgiving of any sins at all in anyone, maybe you need some help too.money seems to be a huge thing to her so you need to find out why.
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
How you got all that from my discussion I congratulate you on your powers of insight-fullness. I accept I may be at fault I have spent all day blaming myself, so no need to be so harsh. Firstly she does get pocket money plus a clothes allowance which may I add I got up Saturday morning early, to go and get the money out of the bank so it was ready for her to go clothes shopping with her friend plus later she went pizza hut with her friends and she used her own pocket money for that, I'm a lone parent with two other children to consider aswell. She does do chores for me and is always paid, accept one job that I expect all my children to take part in and thats washing, drying and putting away the dishes after a meal I have cooked for my family, non payment for that though because they do have to learn to help without payment, it's a valid and important life skill. I agree something as obviously triggered this behavior, my daughter is loved and feels this love from myself, I'm not a strict parent, I'm a firm parent and if I allowed my children to go out in the world without disipline in place and ran riot I would be called for this too. Parenting is an harder enough job without been unfairly judged by others. Thank you for your response, have a good evening.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164229)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Sep 08
sorry to come off sounding know it all but I have seen many many cases so simlar and havelearened a few things in 81 years. something is definitely making money a huge thing in your daughters eyes, I admit I am not a child psychologist and I think that is what you need, you are so close to the situation you may not see what a trained professional might see. I did not mean to be so harsh, but somehow I felt maybe she was crying for help and not knowing she is, I do sense something is wrong. You have a big job with three children to raise, and of course you are right, stealing is wrong, but my question is why is she stealing, usually for any behavior of any of us there is some motivation, some reason. I guess what I am trying to say is I dont think she does it just to piss you off.please do get qualified help for her before this becomes a permanent riff between you and your daughter.
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
Hi Hatley..it's an issue that many have there opinions and I know you are right and it is so true what you have said, I'm to close to the situation to be able to look at it objectively but I also think something has happened to trigger this and that's a worry for me because I'm trying to think what it could be. so sorry if I came across as scolding you, I was very upset yesterday when I started this discussion and now with the light of a new day, I'm trying to tackle it rationally and do what's best for my daughter because she is such a lovely girl and I am so proud of her but she is a mixture an odd mixture that I struggle to understand. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
18 Sep 08
First off, I want to say "RIGHT ON!"! Take her privileges away to make her learn that you refuse to pay for her things if she continues to steal. Ask her if she realizes that "fun stuff" costs money, and that she should learn the value of a dollar. Did you ask her why she lied to you when you found the make up and stuff in her room? I used to steal as a teen as well, got caught by the cops as well. It took them catching me twice though to get me to stop though. Hopefully it doesn't get to that, but ever think of possibly calling the cops and asking for suggestions? Like maybe even ask them if they want to come over to "investigate" the missing money? Make her get scared a bit too might help smarten her up.
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
I do think it may end up me having to do that but I want to try other avenues first with her, she's not all bad infact she's a lovely and very socialable girl but she does get easily led and I think I may have to look into who her friends are too, thanks for response.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Sep 08
hrm, oddly enough, it USUALLY is in part with what the friends are doing, but in my situation, it had nothing to do with my friends. But either way you choose, good luck!
2 people like this
@owlwings (41914)
• Cambridge, England
18 Sep 08
I am assuming that she gets an allowance, so I wonder what she needs the money for. It sounds likely, since you say that she 'borrows' your makeup and then denies it, even in the face of the evidence, that she is not fully aware of what she is doing and is not stealing because she needs the money. Her behaviour suggests that there is a deeper emotional problem - possibly jealousy of her brothers or some other family situation that she feels hurt about or that has undermined her self esteem. This is by no means an uncommon problem with kids of her age. It is quite possible that she wouldn't dream of stealing anything from anyone else, so you should watch but not jump to conclusions. In such cases, punishment is not the answer. You need to find out what is troubling or hurting her and that may be difficult because she may be hiding it from herself, even (it is quite easy and common to lie to oneself!) You definitely need to start by trying to relate to each other positively (I'm not saying you don't already try, of course! I'm sure from what you say that you love her and want the best for her.) She has put up a barrier which may be hard to get through and I think that a good therapist/counsellor will be necessary to help you and her find out what is really the matter. May I suggest that you try and find a therapist who knows and uses EFT. There is a list of practitioners here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/Practitioners/referralMain.aspx Emotional Freedom Technique is a technique which uses tapping on certain acupuncture points (no needles!) and focussing on the problem and aspects of it in order to defuse it. Many people describe it as 'straightening out the flow of energy in the energy meridians'. However it works (and I am not entirely convinced of the usual explanations given myself), the point is that there is a lot of evidence that it does work. It is such a useful and simple technique that anyone can quickly learn and apply to themselves that I am surprised that it is not better known. If you would like to know more about it and download the free manual (which gives a complete description on how to learn and use the technique), the home page is here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252 I would suggest that, in the case of your daughter, you do need to seek help from a therapist. It is often impossible to talk about the underlying problems without the help of a third, disinterested party. Most of the therapists in the list I gave use many techniques with Emotional Freedom Technique as just one very powerful tool. They are often Reiki masters as well and will also be qualified conventional therapists. Many of them can do phone consultations and always encourage you to discuss the problem over the phone first. Of course, what is more important than the method they use is the ability to relate to the child and to make the initial diagnosis and locate the underlying problem. I hope that you will be able to quickly sort out this worrying problem which is obviously causing a lot of stress in your family. I have every confidence in you that you can and that, in a month or so, you'll both be able to look back on it as just a little hiccup. -------------------------------- Unfortunately, it is impossible to remove a photo from a discussion yourself. The MyLot team might be able to help but, if not, I'm sure that everyone here understands that it was a complete mistake!
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
Thank you so much for all your responses, you've really added in a positive way to this discussion. I shall be seeking outside professional help because now I am less upset I'm looking at it all more rationally, from this discussion it has given me many possibilities of what could be the underlining problem which I need to explore and eliminate so I know how best to guide her into basically not stealing. I suspect I know where the root cause may be and it does need talking about with a third party, like you have suggested. Again, thank you.
2 people like this
@owlwings (41914)
• Cambridge, England
18 Sep 08
God bless you both. I shall be thinking of you. It would be nice to hear how things are from time to time. If you want to know more about EFT or you think I might be able to help in some way, don't hesitate to PM.
2 people like this
18 Sep 08
This is a really hard problem for you. When my daughter was a young teenager things of mine and hers in the house were being distroyed. She blamed her brother and we could not understand why he should do it. It did not seem right. He was only 10 and seemed such a happy boy and we suspected that she was lying and he was covering up for her. Things got so bad one bank holiday weekend that we called out the NSPCA as there was no one else we could think to help. A councelor came out and took the two children out for a walk and about 15minutes later they came back. It was our daughter who had been doing all the damage and her brother had taken the blame because he wanted to protect his sister. We felt terrible because we had punished him. Any way to cut a long story short it turned ou to be her hormones playing up because of her age and she got a lot better and stopped lying as well. I do not feel we will ever make it up to our son although he says he understands. Our daughter was the same age as yours so may be a visit to the doctors would be a good idea. Apparently girls can do strange things when their hormones first come into play. Hope you get things sorted as I know how hard it can be.
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
I'm really feeling for you at this minute, that must of been so hard to deal with especially finding out your son was innocent..families are hard work. I have thought her hormones have a big part to play with my daughters behaviour, she's very well developed and does have her cycle and she is evil when it is her time..if you know what I mean. I hope it is just that with my girl, you have given me hope knowing that your daughter did out grow it, thank you for sharing that with me, it's hard to tell all on here, I know but I have appreciated this.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Sep 08
Hi...I can understand your feelings. But please be relaxed as things will change and your daughter will stop doing this kind of things soon. Please try to understand, she steals those things, which she feels, she lacks. The only way to stop this is by giving her whatever she needs and more than that. Try giving her a big amount of money every month for an year. Just see, how she changes. Also buy some beauty products specially for her and allow her to have it in her room. See to it you buy her whatever she wants before she asks you. After buying, do ask her whether she wants something else too. Don't refuse to buy, if she asks for something else too. This will give her enormous mental satisfaction and give her the confidence that mummy will not let her down and will give her the financial and materialistic security which she feels, she misses. Take her along with you for shopping and ask her to select the products which she wants. You can also ask her to select a few thing for your use. After shopping, give her the money or your credit/debit cards and ask her to do the paying while you stand behind her. You can also allow her to have her handbag and have the money in it. Tell her, darling please give me 10 bucks, which I would return tommorrow. Allow her to fell privileged. This would be an excellent psychological treatment for her and I bet she would never steal again. It will also make her responsible, if you allow her to handle the finances in a small amount. You can make her write down the lists of things she has bought with her money and their prices. Discuss every household bills with her and ask her for her opinion. This way, she will understand and start loving her mummy better. This will gain a lot of respect for you from her and subsequently, she will start obeying you. Try implementing these things one by one without her knowledge, as she shouldn't get any doubt. Please, don't complain about her to anyone as it will become a blackmark for her in your circles and will affect her psychologically. Nobody else except you can be more concerned about her, so try it yourself to correct her. Please don't say, she can't get privileges if she steals. She is only 13 years old and a confused teen and after all your loving daughter. All the Best!
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
18 Sep 08
Hi..I do buy her make-up, hair products etc and I'm very generous but regardless of having her own things she still takes and uses mine, that's what so confusing and I find so baffling, I just don't get it. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@rizzu87 (860)
• Malaysia
17 Sep 08
i felt bad after hearing all this. I think this will not be easy. If you were strict for these types of thing from her childhood, there were less chances for her to steal stuff and money. Like you should never allow your child to take anything from outside, for example if she found money on the road it should never be taken and spent on ourself. It should be taken and given to some poor person. you should never allow her to take anything from someone, if she goes to some relatives place and she insist on taking there kids toys, these kind of small things should never be allowed. And you should have been very strict about it. Now she is at a very critical age. You have to be a bit strict and sometimes even try to make her understand politely not to do this. You can tell her that if you want anything you can ask for it, as all your needs are fulfilled. I think if you treat her like this. she will be fine within a year or two.
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
Thank you for your response, it's appreciated.
1 person likes this
@Zah007 (36)
• Malaysia
17 Sep 08
this is a big problem. my opinion is try to decipline her,but this is a private matter for parent to dicipline our children. but any method employed should teach the child that stealing is wrong. for example, having the child return the stolen item and apologise for his or her theft will remind him or her that not only did she/he take something,but that she/he hurt some one else as well. discuss with these topic with your child, and also institute a chore or task, that she must complete and truly make amends for the theft.unfortunately apologise can be insincere, so adding another dimension to the decipline is a good idea. if stealing persists or become consistent, consider getting a mental health expert involve to determine how best to help your child to stop this behavior. thank you
2 people like this
@scorpio19 (1363)
17 Sep 08
I agree..thanks for rsponding, it's appreciated.
1 person likes this