Why do we have such a hard time accepting loss
By scorpio19
@scorpio19 (1363)
September 19, 2008 1:45am CST
I lost my sister last year she was only 33, she had lost her own daughter who was only four at the time, she had a brain wasting disease and my late sister had nursed her beautifully for those years, more or less after she'd lost her daughter she started to feel unwell and breathless this was put down to grief and depression because of the loss of her daughter but it turned out she'd caught a virus in her heart and if detected and treated she would of made a full recovery but this didn't happen so it left her in heart failure for 8 yrs, until after a real battle with the illness, she passed away at home.
It's just over 12 months since she died and I have had a terrible time coming to terms with her death but I have now sort of come to terms with it or at least I'm over the worst of the grief.
What fascinates me is how we has humans have such a hard time with grief, death like birth is apart of life and yet we just accept birth but we really can't death, why do you think we do have such a hard time with loss ?
I'd be interested in anything you have to say about death, loss or grief.
2 people like this
4 responses
@chengbeb (285)
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
No one can fathom the idea of losing someone not even the heartless. It just shows that we are human beings attached to each person we love. When we love we give a part of ourselves to that person sharing with them our joys and our pain. A sort of extension of ourselves. So when the uneventful happens we can't over the grief. I lost my grandmother about 5 years ago and until now I can't believe she's gone. She was my life...my mother...my mentor and a part of me had gone with her. I still move on but I still cry whenever I miss her.
@misskit (289)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Scorpio, I think it is because we are human and we form emotional attachments to other humans, and even animals, like pets. When they die we feel a great emptiness in our lives, a large void that they occupied in our lives.
After my late husband passed away I went through all of the stages of grief, and after a while each day got a little better, each month, and then each year.
At some point, after 3 or 4 years I finally came to the conclusion that I was no longer grieving the loss of my husband, I was grieving for myself. It was always, I miss him, I am lonely without him, I am crying for him, it was always I, I, I. Me, me, me. Once I decided that he was in a better place, free of pain and misery, happy and healthy again and living in peace in heaven with God, and all of my grieving was for myself I started to let go and heal. It was like a light bulb going off in my head, a revelation of sorts. Now I still miss him, but I don't grieve anymore.
So sorry for your loss, and it will take time, but eventually you will heal, I promise you that. Hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
6 Oct 08
Hiya misskit,
I actually very much agree with you it does eventually turn into grief for ourselves, my grief is very much about myself now and I've only just realised that has I read your response because my sister suffered to be with us, I had to go through all that in my mind and body I felt so pained for her suffering, I really had to come to terms with that until one day I realised that by going through her pain wasn't helping anyone and if she knew I was hurting myself so much she would not be best pleased with me. I am much better now about her passing but occassionally it hits me and then it passes, thank you for your response it really helped and thanks for that hug it was needed.
@pretty_babe (703)
• New Zealand
14 Oct 08
Hi scorpio19
I have just my Dad and so I know what it is like to lose a loved one even though it is only for a short space of time or I believe that it might be anyway. It sooooo hard for our Family cos we are such a close knit Family or most of us if not all of us anyway so losing Dad is like losing part of Us. He was such a good Dad and He gave us a lot and I mean a lot of love and helped us by giving us a Religion, Family, Helped by teaching us to do things like Garden and things like that. I do not know how much the others miss him but I KNOW I miss him HEAPS and HEAPS.
Catch ya later
pretty_babe
@lovelyvelle (639)
•
14 Oct 08
Oh this topic really touches my heart I can't hold my tears. Losing the people those we loved and people who loves us, even those people whom we just know for a short period of time, is very difficult to accept. But if we turned it the other way, that it might be for their own good to have a peaceful rest. Rest from this unfair world, everything happens for a reason. Then, little by little everyday we come accross to understand why we lost them or why they were gone and try to accept what happened.
