What is Forgiveness?

United States
September 19, 2008 4:20pm CST
We've all been there. Someone we care about does something that hurts us deeply. What form does forgiveness take? How do we "move on" from their action. The expression "forgive and forget," is popular, but can you really do both? When someone betrays the trust that you have worked so hard to create between the two of you, can you ever forget? What do the injured and injurer have to do mend what has been broken? In the end, what is forgiveness, really?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@zykon84 (165)
• Portugal
19 Sep 08
forget never... Forgive yes. I tink we never forget something that hurting us. at least i never forget. there are a few things that i can forgive, but i always will remember of what happens
2 people like this
• United States
22 Sep 08
If you don't forget, what form does your forgiveness take? How do you express it to the person who had wronged you? I'm not sure but I think forgiveness is more complicated than a one step process. I'm also beginning to think that it involves a lot more than the wronged person doing all the work. I think the offender has to do something for forgiveness to really happen. But that's just me.
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
19 Sep 08
I never forget. Yes I do forgive someone but it needs a lot of effort. I am not a forgiving and forgetting person, I tend to keep the grudge and thinking about getting revenge if it's possible. I know it is a bad thing to do, but I rarely feel offended and rarely hate people, so when it happens I can't forgive, it means someone has hurt me real bad and i can't deal with the forgiveness LOL
2 people like this
• United States
22 Sep 08
How does that affect you though? Holding grudges can hurt us far more than any revenge we can get on the other person. Trust me, forgiveness is hard. Especially, when you aren't sure what it is. I've been told by many people that you have to go back to the starting point of the relationship before the hurt. But once you know what someone is capable of, how can you do something like that? They broke something and the answer is to ignore it? But the reverse can be just as damaging. If you hang onto the negative emotions, they can eat you up. On a separate note, how has getting revenge made you feel in the long run? No judgment, just a question. I've never actively done it, I'm curious.
@1hopefulman (45534)
• Canada
20 Sep 08
Congratulations on your 100th post! :) I think, only God can forgive and forget and not have anything against the person the day after. Most of us will forgive but can we ever forget? Can we ever forget that they betrayed us? Can we ever forget that they hurt us? Can we ever forget how selfish they were? I have a few people that have hurt me. I have forgiven them but I will always remember what they have done. Still, that doesn't mean that I will hold it against them or bring it up. It's in the past and there is where I will leave it. It's just that when someone hurts us, it takes a long, long, long time to forget, even though we have forgiven them.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 08
Thank you so much for your congratulations. Forgiveness means not holding something against someone, but what if their offense was a betrayal of trust. How do you trust someone who unrepentant about breaking that trust? How do you move forward from there? Can you forgive someone and break ties because of what they have done? Is that not actually forgiveness but holding a grudge? I feel that you can forgive someone in your heart, express that forgiveness to them, but you may not be able to continue the relationship because what they have done is sever something vital to the relationship. Especially, if the other person has no desire to make amends. Is making amends part of the forgiveness process? Even God requires that we be remorseful prior to forgiveness. It isn't sin and you are forgiven, you have to seek that forgiveness, acknowledge that what you did was wrong in the first place. If you feel it was right, why be forgiven?
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45534)
• Canada
23 Sep 08
We are not God, we are humans. We can only forgive up to a certain point. Example: A child that is sexually molested by a parent or a student by a teacher or an altar boy by a priest. The ramifications of such actions may never be repaired in this world. Even decades later the ramifications may resurface. The damage may never be totally undone. If later the parent, teacher, or priest, realizes the mistake and asks for forgiveness, the child may forgive, but the relationship can never be as if such actions never happened, in this world. Can trust be ever be rebuilt in this world? Forgiveness up to a certain point, yes. Forgetting, never! I don't know if it is even wise to forget. It may lower the barrier so that they become victims again. Asking for forgiveness may not necessarily be a long-term commitment. Some ask for forgiveness not because they are truly repentant but because they have been caught and later repeat the hideous crime.
1 person likes this