I have to stop my friend’s wedding

@ronaldinu (12439)
Malta
September 20, 2008 12:10pm CST
A friend of mine is going to get married in a few months. However I don't think that she is prepared for it One of her biggest preoccupations right now is how she is going to have her "one last night" with a male friend. I have advised her against this since she had a saucy one night affair some months ago. I told her to keep in consideration how much her boyfriend loves her and that he would get hurt if he learns about this. She reasons out that if her boyfriend does not get to know about this he will not get hurt. If she ends up with her "male friend" it is going to be a physical thing and no emotions involved. She is not a bad person but I don't like her reasoning. She thinks that she will be a good girl once she gets married. I have strongly advised her to think twice about this matter Should I stop her from getting married?
12 people like this
34 responses
• United States
20 Sep 08
I have a few friends that think along the same lines as your friend. I've learned over the years that the only thing that will change their reasoning is life experience. I've watched my friends go through many relationships and even a few divorces. Eventually, her boyfriend will find out about her extracurricular activities and probably end the relationship. If that doesn't straighten her up then she'll continue on until someone does the same to her and she learns what it feels like firsthand. I know you probably feel sorry for her boyfriend and feel that he deserves to know, but this may be a life lesson for him as well as her. If I were you I would try to stay out of it as much as possible and just let everyone learn the hard way, it sounds like that's the only way they're going to learn anyways.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
20 Sep 08
Hi ronaldinu, Your friend's thinking is very mixed up, and it is highly unlikely that she will be faithful to her husband after they marry. You have already given her good advice and she doesn't seem to be interested. How do you plan to stop her from getting married, would you tell her boyfriend about her plans? I would have to know the people involved before I could give you any advice. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
20 Sep 08
would you tell her boyfriend about her plans? No of course I would not tell her boyfriend since I would break her trust. I don't know him well. I am worried because as you have said, I fear that if she is not faithful to him before marriage, she will not be faithful to him after marriage. I don't have any idea how to help her. I just gave her my advice. She is "mature" enough but I am still worried about her.
1 person likes this
@hellcowboy (7380)
• United States
1 Oct 08
I can understand how you feel you might should stop her from getting married,and I have had a friend who got married to a woman who is not right for him,and is a mean person,I tried to get him to not marry her,but he did it anyone,I have learned that it is their life,and all we can do is advise them on what we think is best,but we can not try to force them into doing something,all we can do is hope they do whats best for their life.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 08
The only clear cut way to stop the wedding is to tell her finacee.It will really hurt him and you would lose her as a friend. It sounds like she is doing what guys do all the time. What is a traditional bachelor party all about? Sewing your wild oats before you marry.Unlike you, I can see her reasoning.If it is just s*x and not love, I can see having one last fling. The problem is you doesn't know if she will a faithful wife or not. But let's face it, no one knows.So I guess you have to decide if you want to keep the friendship Or stop the wedding.What would I do? Me, I wouldn't do or say anything.It is up to her and her intended what kind of marriage they want to have.I am her friend , not his. I would keep her secret.
1 person likes this
• Australia
21 Sep 08
Short of telling her husband-to-be about her fling, how the hell are you going to stop it? And by what divine dispensation do you have the right to do anything about her decisions? Friendhip does not make you her father, her priest, or her conscience. Is it that you can't get over the concept of a woman behaving with the same freedom as a man? Is this some sort of paternalistic, chauvanistic refusal to accept her freedom to make her own decisions and her own choices? You've given your advice, she's ignoring it. So what? Or are you so arrogant you can't cope with her ignoring it? Lash
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
21 Sep 08
If I were you, I would not get any deeper involved than you are now. You are her friend and she confides in you. All you can do is listen and offer your thoughts. Whether she takes your advice or not is up to her. If you try to stop her wedding, you will almost surely lose a friend. I agree with you that her behavior is not acceptable but that is my opinion. Our most valuable lessons in life are learned from our biggest skrew ups. Unless your friend changes her ways, it appears that both she and her fiance are in for some big lessons. And then again, who knows...maybe she'll do a turn about and they'll be married for years. I'd just leave it to them to figure out.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Sep 08
Sometimes you have to let what happens, happen. It's her life and all you can do is be there for her, and advise her. If you butt in it could end up hurting your relationship and then she will do what she wants anyways, and you will have accomplished nothing.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Sep 08
Ask her if she is will to wait four to five mouth and see if she is still in love with this person, tell here that if it is true love that she can wait. Tell that marriage is not something to rush into but it is a vow between two people and god and not something that should be rushed into.
1 person likes this
@NrgDfenZ (1810)
• Belgium
20 Sep 08
Well you can't do much about that, except talk with her :D Like you have already don I guess.. But if she really loves him and he loves her, than there shouldn't be a problem :D Have a nice day..
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
20 Sep 08
i don,t know if you have the power to stop her, sounds like she have made her mind up about doing this maybe she don,t love her boyfriend if she is so willing to cheat on him something here is wrong. if she marry in this state it may not fair out good iam sorry your friend cheats too freely she has no concious about cheating. a person enlove will not hurt there mate so easyly. have a blessed day
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 08
in my opinion i dont really see how you can stop the wedding because if she has decided she will then she will.. unfortunately its obvious a bad idea just because of her attitude towards the importance.. you can only talk to her so much before she will just tune you out.. does her fiance have any clue about it?? did she ever take into consideration that the worst could happen and she could get pregnant or a disease from it?? i mean im sure she would be safe but crap happens and that would be interesting to explain
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
21 Sep 08
No her fiance does not have any clue about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 08
ugh i would want to tell him but i dont think that would be the right thing to do.. it would help him out but it could destroy your friendship with both of them
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Sep 08
You have given her advice and she has chosen not to listen to it. It's not really up to you to stop it unless you're close to the boyfriend too and you are prepared to lose your friend. You could be wrong about it and it really could be only a one time thing.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
21 Sep 08
I really hope that I am completely wrong..She is a grown up persona and she is going to reap the fruits that she sows.
@Galena (9120)
28 Sep 08
if someone is even considering cheating before getting married, they're not ready for marriage.
@shana123 (2096)
• India
28 Sep 08
If she wants to get involved with other man then why should she get married to some other man? Dont she know she will be hurted if she came to know that hubby has some old affair like she is in now? I dont know why your friend is not knowing this simple fact , i heard somewhere in a mylot discussion that a women had an illegal affair just a week just because she had some quarrel with her husband and then somehow her husband came to know this and he got broken and started to go out with another women , intially her husband was a good fellow , her act turned him bad .Advice your friend with this warning , atleast let her change her mind
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
I definitely think you should because from what you've written, I dont think she's ready. I dont think she loves her boyfriend that much because if she does, she wouldnt be able to sleep with anyone else. If she can do this to her boyfriend now, she can do it again to him even if they're already married. In time her boyfriend is going to find out about her affair and im sure all hell will break loose. Besides, it's not fair to her boyfriend.
• United States
27 Sep 08
She probably shouldn't be getting married, especially since she seems to be thinking of it as a fix-all solution to her problems. But all you really can do is talk to her and then wish her luck with whatever she chooses
@rosedust82 (2070)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Hello my friend... I salute you for thinking things out and advising your friend on this matter. It looks like she isn't exactly ready to get married. However, who are we to say this? I guess the best thing that you can do is to just well.. advise her. If she still insists on doing what she wants, then that is her choice. It would be best to stay out of it so that you don't get in the fray if things go wrong. There's only so much that a friend can do right? If she makes a mistake, then it will be no one else's fault except hers. You did your part already my friend. Let her decide what she wants to do with her life.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
22 Sep 08
it depoends on how much she is close with you. above all her married life is her personal life. so how her Bf is going to act is completely her concern. i think don't go so frther as to stop marriage. but make her understand the consequences.
21 Sep 08
If I were you would take a long deep breath and stand back and keep well out of it all,if she insists that she is going to have her final fling ,even though she has already had onethen im afraid thats up to her,its not for you to stop anything or anyone,or even get involved,she is an adult and therefore she is capable of making her own decisions,be they right or be they wrong,and she must take whatever consequences that come along.
• China
21 Sep 08
how to say, somtimes, the destiny in the hand of God. some couple they are familiar with each other for so many years, and then married, but they divorce. some couple they are only know each other for several days and then married, they remain happy whole life. it is more like a gemble.