Does your husband cleans, pick up his clothes, washes the clothes?

@cmofi123 (344)
United States
September 23, 2008 2:42pm CST
Am i a complainer or do I like to keep my house clean? I'd been asking myself this for a while. My husband eats and leaves the plate in the sofa, takes off his shoes, socks, clothes everything goes to the floor. Takes a shower, the towel on the floor of the living room. I have been tacking this for a year. I have made a couple of changes. I hire a lady to come and clean our apt. I pay her every week $80.00 so she can clean and organize. That's on Weds, by Friday my apt. it's a mess. I warn him that hiring someone to clean was going to be the last string that I will pull. Well 3 weeks a go we had the same talk again, well last night I kicked him out. I told him that I was tired of having a messy house. He cried and asked for a last chance. There are no more chances, In a week we are going to go our seperate ways. He came home talked to me, got his clothes out of the trashcan (the clothes that he leaves on the floor, I trow it to the trash)he promised this and that and taht this will be the last time. I might be handling things immature, but the talking, the teamwork, the cleaning lady, the trowing his clothes to the trash is not working. Is it that I'm over reacting or do women just put up with it?
1 person likes this
23 responses
• United States
24 Sep 08
I feel your pain. My boyfriend comes from a culture where it is expected of the woman to hand and foot him and when I was dating him and we lived together Before kids that was fine and dandy but now we have kids and Im struggling to keep up and he's baffled by it because I always used to keep up with his socks and clothes and keeping the house tidy and cooking him breakfast and rubbing his feet, lol. It must feel so hard, you have a young baby and I remember when my two daughters were infants I was just a nervous wreck trying to get some help from my boyfriend. I do think that men need to be reprogramed to be able to help around the house though because society does not expect these things from them and thats a good mamma who teaches them. I have found that things my boyfriend once did like leave his clothes and socks in the living room, or something even as burping in public or leaving his shoes on the floor right in front of the shoe rack (oh boy, thats frustrating), things like that--it took 100s of reminders to him to take the socks to the dirties, to put his towel on the rack over his dooor, to not Burp in public because I did not like it, CONSTANT request to do these things and that is what it took. So while its so tough to not deal with it and kick him out (yes, if I did not have kids I would not be as tolerant and would of fled long ago) but your child can only benefit with him around (im assuming he's the father, im so sorry). Still, I don't think that its fair to stick your head in the dirt and act like these problems do not exist and ignore it--like I feel like so many woman in the past have done--in the 50s they felt woman were sooo happy but society looked down on woman to complain--you were literally a Stepford Wife, YUCK, not me, no no. Keeping reminding him til its an annoyance and that should work but do not do it in a mean way where your yelling or pushing him away but DO keep bringing it up because I feel like my boyfriend responds most when I am being reasonable and constantly requesting because then he realizes is own actions.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Thank you. So far this the best response that I have got in this page. Everyone else seem to just deal with it with breeze. But, I work just like he does and I'm working 2 jobs a full and part time job. As we share rent and expenses, he needs to learn to share chores. i don't care if he is a man. Man were build to be strong right?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I agree with you, if you both work, and both share in the expenses, then share in taking care of the home. Some men see that point, others just don't get it lol. Luckily, I live with a man that does get it, and does help out when I'm working (I work 9 months out of 12), but then I don't expect him to help as much when I'm at home those 3 months.
• United States
26 Sep 08
you have every right to demand fairness and thats what partnership is all about but yes, i agree with palong that many guys do not get it and some come around quicker than others and some take time and nagging to get through to--you will persist
23 Sep 08
well the short answer to that would be no, i have to pick up his clothes clean up do all the washing and ironing sometimes he wil wash the pots or clean to floors but thats about it, the rest is left upto me and it does get me down too, we both work so that is not an excuse for him he just assumes its my role and it gets me down, i was meant to be doing the ironing again tonight but i thought sod it why should i do it all the time so decided to get on here for a while xxx
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 08
well, this is an interesting topic to discuss. My husband is a very busy person and I do not expect much from him as far as household chores are concerned, but whenever, he gets time he helps me. He picks up his clothes and washes, he use to iron our clothes. Sometimes he helps in cleaning also, but there are certain things that we both cannot come into an agreement. For example, he leaves his bathtowel here and there after bathing. Also he throws his shoes anywhere when he comes home and I have to keep everything in place. This is one thing we ends up in an argument, but nowadays, I deals the things patiently, and things has improved a lot. When both the husband and wife are working, there comes a question of sharing. It is very important to share all the chores, so that both people can find time to relax. What is your idea about sharing household chores?
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I agreee with you on sharing the chores. I do share. I do my part, bu I get mad when I just clean the table and next thing he spills salsa in it and doesn't clean it. Seriously you guys I have a husband that if, a paper falls off from his hand, he just watches the paper go on the floor lifts his foot, and just passes by. He won't pick it up!!!!
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Where him leaving things lying around, I think you are over-reacting, I mean throwing him out because of that. I think there might be more to it than just him leaving things around and not picking up around the house. If that is the worst thing he does, then I would have to ask, do you love him? And as I have told friends 'was he like this from day one? if so, then why were you expecting anything different?' It's just amazing to me that a woman would kick her man out over something like this, and then on the other side of the coin there are women being physically and mentally abused that won't kick them out. I know I'm lucky, I work seasonally, which means I work full time 9 months out of the year. During those months he helps out around the house. However, the 3 months that I am off work, I don't expect him to do much, since he is still working 8 or more hours a day. So during those months I do the dishes, laundry, etc. Regardless, he hangs his towel in the bathroom when he's done, probably over 1/2 the time he puts his clothes in the laundry bag. So what if I have to pick up a pair of shoes he took off the night before, or take a glass or cup to the kitchen, it takes all of 10 - 15 minutes to pick up around the house and then it's clean again, and that's a 3 bedroom, two story house. I can't see that you would have that much to do by Friday, if you picked up everything but his stuff everyday. Sorry, but sounds to me like you are a complainer, and was just wanting a way out of your marriage.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Maybe I'm not a complainer, maybe I'm a strong woman who believes that men are not superior than women and that no one should take advantage. I lived for 21 years w/ my parents. My step mom had 3 sons for who I had to clean, wash clothes, iron and cook. Whenver they will get drunk and vomit in the restroom, I had to clean it. One of the will always pee outside the toilet and the other one will poop outside the toilet and I had to clean it. I once complain to my mom, that I was not a maid and she hit me. since that day I promise mydelf that I will never let anyone take advantage of me. I could love someone, but I won't be blind and just because I have a son with him doesn't mean that I don't have a way out, that I will be lost without him and that I can't support my self.
• United States
25 Sep 08
Your first sentence, it has nothing to do with being a strong woman or not. I am a strong woman, with my own opinions, I'm independent, and I work in a male dominated profession......wildland firefighter. And with that being said, I don't mind keeping up the home when I'm off and he's working 8+ hours a day. And no one said that you can't raise a child on your own, however, being that you have a son, I think you should maybe talk to someone about what you were put through when you were younger, so that those issues don't affect the raising of your son. And it might be helpful to you, to go to counseling, because the large majority of men are not taught to clean house or do other household chores. Although some are better at helping out around the house than others. Unless you find a man that is obsessive/compulsive, I can't see you being happy in any relationship. I do hope that you will think about talking to a professional, I think it could be very helpful. and please do not take this response as an insult, after reading your reply, anyone who went through what you did could benefit from counseling. Good luck
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
25 Sep 08
No, not at all. I don't take any responses as an offense, everyone has a right to an opinion and if I wrote about it all opinions are welcome.
@fady83 (617)
• Egypt
23 Sep 08
I do not thin men like to do house job, i think home is the main responsabilty for women not for men. men just pay
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Well I pay for my apt. to does it means that I don't have to clean?
@despompa (472)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
yes,, its not just about money. it doesn't mean that while you guys work you're not part of the house cleaning. it's also about you share responsibilities at home. maybe tidying things is not only a girl thing. my husband is even helping me in cleaning the house whenever we can and that's one thing that we enjoy doing together. some weekends, he do the electrical repairs, some carpentry works, while i do the cleaning and laundry. when i'm done and so with him, we will watch dvd then or go out.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I don't think not picking up after yourself deserves the ultimate punishment, which is throwing him out. there are many more severe things in a marriage that would warrant throwing your spouse out, but not picking up his clothes. I think you are being rather immature, because of the reasons you put your husband out. If he was cheating on you, or refused to get a job etc. that would probably be reason enough to say get out. Get your marriage back together if you love your husband. You can not have a stable marriage if you use the get out of my house tactic, everytime you are angry with your husband.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Believe it or not I'm working on that so hard (on using the kick you out word or the I'm leaving). I guess because of the fact that when I had problems in the past instead of facing them I will run away. I never though that my past will catch up with me, according to me I burried my past. I guess what it bothers me the most is that he leaves all this stuff on the floor including candy wrappers and our baby who is 11 months, picks them up puts them in his mouth. That's were I get so mad.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Honey, I understand your frustration, but communication is better than going to the extreme. Since, he has been doing this for a while, it may be hard for him to break the habit, but give him a chance. You and your baby needs him. If he loves you the least he can do is compromise. I wish you a lot of luck.
@lilcee (2703)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I guess I've been blessed with my husband. I never have to pick up his clothes. And, he never leaves things laying around for me to pick up. He sometimes takes his dishes to the sink after we eat unless he's in a hurry to get to work. Since he works so hard so I don't have to, I feel I should do the housework and the laundry. But, he never makes messes for me to clean up. On the other hand, I feel you are going too far kicking him out. Unless there are other issues you aren't telling about. Is your clean house more important than your marriage? If it is, you must not love him that much. Just my opinion.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Yes there are more problems involved, his family always wanting to borrow money and his family insulting me and he didnt defend me plus he said that he didn't hear anything. I guess that I'm just irritated it with everything.
• United States
24 Sep 08
lol oh wow. Well, you warned him so...I do most of the cleaning around here, because I'm home more than my husband is. I actually enjoy doing things around the house. When I was working full time, I will admit when we lived in our other place, the housework really was suffering. I didn't really have the time or energy to do it, because I was always on the go. My husband doesn't put stuff back in it's place either. It really bothers me when it's on the floor, because I have to bend and get it, and bending is really hard for me. Have you reconciled with your husband, or do you have any plans to?
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
24 Sep 08
So far I have been seeing and improvement, huge improvement. I hope that it doesn't go away in a day or two.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I can sympathize. My guy is a slob as well. I even put the clothes hamper right by his side of the bed - only two feet away. And where do the clothes land? On the floor in front of it of course. I walk over them until it reaches the point that I can't stand it and pick them up myself. I don't know if your method of handling it by kicking him out is the best one or not. I guess thats your decision? If having a clean house is more important than the love you are supposed to have for him then go for it.
• United States
24 Sep 08
Cmofi123, My huddy is like that as well but he is driving over the road that is his Job so I only have to put up with him doing that when he comes home which is every 4 weeks or so. I do keep the house clean as I can and he helps when he is home but I would not have kicked him out for that reason but that is just my thought on the matter.
• China
24 Sep 08
I am a lucky woman, my husband is clean and tidy. He usually will follow my order to put his dirty clothes into the laundry basket. He likes cooking, love to cook dishes for me. He also wash the dirty dishes although he hate to do that.
@clp2006 (163)
• United States
24 Sep 08
My husband sometimes leaves his dirty clothes on the floor in the bedroom and I have to pick them up and put them in the dirty clothes hamper. I wash the clothes. Sometimes he will wash the dishes and vacuum. He works all day so he is hungry and tired when he gets home.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
wow!!! thanks to my mom who trained me so well in every household chores that im able to help my wife while i enjoy doing it as well? i never taught that things like these could end up a relationship huhuhu... maybe you can still talk things over and start to organize on each responsibilities... :-)
@jazel_juan (15753)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
hi! well i guess i am lucky with my husband, he knows household chores better than i do. He can do the laundry, cook and pick up after his mess! i guess it stems from his childhood, his parents really taught him to be clean and responsible with stuff like this...and it has something to do with culture, here in our country (Philippines) whether you're male or female parents do really teach their kids to be responsible and you really have to know your chores like cook, clean the bathroom/toilet..clean the kitchen, wash the dishes! But i am not generalizing because there still some who do not. My husband is just one of those who knows hehehe... And to cmofil23, you have the right to complain because it is not easy to come home to a messy home! plus $80 is very expensive, so what you did was right and if it did something good don't regret anything:D you have to stand up and speak up!
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Your husband is acting like my 15 year old son.I'm lucky because my husband is the opposite of your husband.He does not mess our house even when we were young.We both work and we didn't hire house help.Maybe you should talk about it seriously you should share your time with each other making your house in order.It's not only woman's responsibility to make our household in order.
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
24 Sep 08
Hi friend,My hub neither cleans nor picks up his clothes.But he doesn't throw whereever he likes .It will be in the bed room and I clean the house everytime not one year past 15 years.I am a homemaker,but we have servant for sweeping mopping the house and dobby for laundry,so I have to keep things in places thats it.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.
@eagle_f15 (2051)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 08
Ummm...no, my husband does not wash the clothes. I am the one who put our clothes into the washing machine and hang it to dry. And thank God he does not throw his clothes everywhere and anywhere. We have a laundry basket so it goes in there and when its time to wash I will just take the basket to the back and load the clothes into the machine. My husband is okay when it comes to being clean and organize because he was train that way from young and me too.
@ayenacsi (911)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Women do put up with their husbands' ways especially around the house. But throwing him out is I think too much. Don't you love your husband? Maybe there is another underlying reason why you wanna throw him out? Maybe you are just under a little too much stress? You might wanna think things out before throwing out the father of your baby? You would want to tell your child that you're father is not with you because he was much too messy around the house...
@cybersoft01 (1287)
• India
24 Sep 08
Well, I think you are taking it too seriouly. This is the way most husbands behave.I should not be responding to this topic as I have no husband. In fact, I myself am my wife's husband! I responded to this topic because its the other way round wth me. I have been alone a long time and have learnt to keep the house neat and clean, while my wife is does not like cleaning the house. But I never complain and have never had any fight on this. Please try to adjust yourself.
@despompa (472)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
in some point, having a messy house is not at all livable. for me, i tried to tidy things left whenever i can and its my obligation. while my husband is out working, im responsible in taking care of the kids, dogs, and do the household chores. which means, i have to do the cleaning, laundry, dishes,ironing, cooking and other household stuff which is under my responsibility. sometimes, i do complain that i'm tired of the routinary works i do but i don't want to be stressed so i just enjoy doing it instead of complaining and it worked. in my opinion, throwing out your husband's stuff is too much. perhaps you should talk to him about it and if he fails to comply, then keep on reminding him. i guess you won't allow your husbands messy attitude ruin your marriage. and it's to shallow to be the reason for giving up.
• China
24 Sep 08
we havn't marriaged. my boyfriend always wash his clothese by himself althou we live together for nearly 4years. especially now, we both work 8hours each day. my company is far away from where we live.so i come back very late everyday. my boyfriend is near. i only have rest on sunday, but he rest on saturday and sunday. my job is busy, but he is much more free. do you think who to wash his clothes? sometimes, he complains me, he said women should do this, not man. but i repli, moman and man are equal now. what things you can do but i can't? nothing. we are the same.