Anyone else in a relationship right now?

United States
September 24, 2008 2:47am CST
Hi everyone. I will tell you all about me of why I decided to do this discussion. I am in a relationship that I have been in for 13 years now. We both met each other where at the time, I was almost 16 and he was 20. We are now parents to three girls together and no. We are not married at all. If you are in a relationship, how long have you been together? Do you have kids with each other or did you have it with your previous partner before you are with that person now? If you both just got into the relationship that are still new, what do you and your partner have in mind together? Have a family together? If you do, how many kids have both of you decided on? Does your family like each other and how was it in the beginning before it got to where you are now? Sorry if I seem so nosy here. I just wanted to get to know a bit about you and such. I believe in community here.
11 people like this
48 responses
@lrglara (1334)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
i've been in a relationship for more than 10 years. we've been together since i was 17. we dont have kids yet. we're planning to get married by the end of the year. that's about it! :)
2 people like this
• China
24 Sep 08
Oh!Where are you from!I am 27 years old and have my girlfriend a year ago.So I think it is too young for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend!
2 people like this
• United States
24 Sep 08
That's great. Nowadays, there seem to be more people in a relationship that are very short like as short as 2 days. Congrats on getting married by the end of the year. Have you both decided on how many kids to have or no? Before I have my kids, I wanted three and I now have three kids and all are girls. I love my girls more than anything.
1 person likes this
@lrglara (1334)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
@ning... im from Philippines but im currently in the mideast. i don't think im too young to have a bf by then although i have to admit that i never told my parents that we are together until i was 19. @laurie... we haven't talked about anything yet especially the kids part. i still want the idea of us being together (as in just the two of us). thanks for the greetings and happy posting! :)
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
24 Sep 08
Well, I got to know my hubby through an online penpal site in 1999. We met for the first time in 2004 and got married in 2006. Now we've been married for almost 2 years and we're trying to have a baby. How many kids do I want? One or two, but I don't think we want more than that he he... Our parents have never met as we got married in Indo and now we live in Finland. But his parents welcome me VERY well and we get along just fine. They're very kind and lovely people. I love them just like my own parents. ;-D
1 person likes this
• Finland
25 Sep 08
THANKKKSSS for your well-wishes! Yeah, I'm lucky in getting wonderful in-laws. :-)))) I think the benefit of having kids while you're still young is that you've got a chance to see them getting married and have kids on their own. :-))))
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
That is true. Having kids while young does have its ups an downs. For example, my only way of making money is working online for me to get any money. I'm stuck watching my kids when I have to. It may seem like I could be taking advantage of my hon's mom for some people but you know what? I need my own time to make myself money too. In some ways, I prefer being young to start off having kids and as you said so then when they get older, I can see my grandkids. I can see myself being alive still past 70 at least I think unless natural disaster struck me. My hon in my personal opinion, is not healthy himself. He needs to get in better shape but I don't see that day coming especially since he does work outside of the house.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
That's great. Not everyone who have in laws are just as lucky as you to approve you for being in the family. I have three girls already which are a handful to me. I look like I am my oldest child's sister instead of her mom. It's because I look so young. I see it as a blessing and a curse. But I guess it all works out for me. I wish you the best of luck on getting kids and work on what you and your hon wanted to do for now before having any because it's harder after having them. I was planning to go to school starting tomorrow but my 3 year old goes to the afternoon time of headstart (preschool).
1 person likes this
@mestr12 (226)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I'm in a relationship. My husband and I are married for almost four years now. We were dating for five years before we decided to get married. Anyhow, we are still trying to get pregnant. :) I guess it is the stress in our respective occupations. We definitely would like to have 2-3 kids. As of now, we are still trying to have one. LOL. My parents like my husband at the start of the relationship. In the same manner that his parents like me. I guess my husband and I were in a stage at that time that we wanted to settle down and start a family. So, that's why we are now married. :)
1 person likes this
@mestr12 (226)
• Philippines
26 Sep 08
Thanks! I guess I am lucky. But definitely, I am happy. I do try to limit the stress in my life but just like you said, sometimes life throws you a curve ball.:) Have a great weekend to everyone!:)
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
That's pretty neat there. My hon and I did talk about marriage before we had kids but sometimes life throws a curveball at you when you didn't realize it. It's great that your in laws like you and your parents like him. Better that the in laws like each other too because in most cases, the relationship of the couple would work longer and usually last longer. Sometimes couples whether married or not break up or get a divorce because of the in laws. Do not have too much stress in your life because that does help delay having kids in the process. That too much stress can also help trigger your body to abort the baby itself so be careful with it. It's great that you are married to each other and wish the best of luck to you and your hub on having kids of your own.
1 person likes this
• China
24 Sep 08
Oh!You are lucky and happy!I admire you!Best wishes!
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
25 Sep 08
Well I am 52 and have never been married but I do live with my partner and have done for 4 years now. My partner is 64 and we are very happy. I do not see the need for us to get married as we have no children and never will, I have passed the age of childbearing, and to me it does not matter. Nor does my family care. I have one brother who is divorced and one who never married or lived with a woman both are older than me. I do not think that a marriage certificate holds people together, it is love that does that. It may depend on what country you live in but most western countries now recognize defacto relationships as legal and the children from them. I have known many married couples who are not happy and have not stayed together. The shortest one was one of my nephews who was married just 2 years ago in a fancy church wedding and they are now separated and will never get back together. His brother lived with his girlfriend for years and just got married last year. That should last as they have learned to live together and they love each other very much.
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
25 Sep 08
Well one of the happiest couples I ever met had been together for 30 years and had lots of children and they had never married. They said that only love could keep them together not a marriage certificate so why did they need one. I thought that was lovely. I think it is religions that insist on marriage.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I have to agree with you since God which is mainly Christians that believe in marriage first and then having kids. Marriage certificates in our opinion, doesn't guarantee that the couple will last foever. Look at the divorce rates. My parents are divorce for lik 5 years now and I'm almost 29 so that is proof that marriage aren't always the best answer. I know that I am knocking down on any religions that had something to do with God (notice it is mainly christianity and catholic usually, presbyterians, baptism, lutheran, etc). Unfortunately, in my heritage, it's uncommon to have kids and not get married. I'm chinese myself and I do sometimes get asked here as well as in person why I'm not married. I'm not saying I am against marriage. I just accepted the fact that I might not get married in this lifetime but if I ever do, great. Oh well. But if not, oh well there. I don't like to be disappointed on something that is definitely going to go through or not. A couple that I can think of that aren't married at all is Kurt russell and Goldie Hawn. I hope you know who they are. They have been together for over 2 decades now and have a son together. A marriage certificate which you know doesn't guarantee that the couple will last forever. Look at the rate of how many divorces there are these days.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I agree with you there. It seem like most people that after they get married, ended up being in a relationship with someone that they don't want to be with anymore to prior before they got married. even though my boyfriend and I are not married, people on here for some, seem to think that I have to get married. My parents were once married and now divorce so I don't have total faith in marriage even though we have kids together. Whether someone have kids with each other or not shouldn't be everyone else's to choose someone else's life when it's the own person's choice whether to get married or not. If I do ended up getting married, great. If not, I already accepted that fate since we didn't get married first but with kids, it's harder to you know since we are so busy. I don't like the idea of going to my local county hall to get married. It's cheap and impersonal to me. Anyone else who did that, no offense but it's just my opinion.
2 people like this
@smiley83 (1534)
• Malaysia
25 Sep 08
well, my situation is a bit complicated...i do have someone who i know since a year and a half..we are not in a serious relationship..we are close friends though.. we do have feelings for each other but we are quite stubborn to admit so! he came to my place here in Asia few months ago, but i told him frankly that, if he wanna meet me, he has to meet me with my family! and he simply said OK..well, my friends envied me for having the dare to say so..but i just done it and he was so cool with my family..the reason was to know whether he is serious or no about me.. so, things were ok..but in the mean time, things are back to complicity as we dont get in touch regularly..each one of us has his own way..i actually dont like the idea of having him messaging and emailing me only..i want something more than that..if he is serous, he should bring his family and propose...i dont want to be in a relationship of "boy and girl friend" rather; i want to be his fiancée..coz being his gf might take too long and things might not get well between or anything might happen ... this is how i feel about the relationship...in between, i'm just 24 year old.. Smiley
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
You know, since in your heart it seem like you have different value than he does. SInce you think that he would not be interested in a long term relationship, just let the guy go. I hope that you did let him know that you want more than just being texted and emailing from him since you wanted more of the physical kind of being a couple kind of way. Some guys don't really get it and the ones that knew it, some of them don't like the idea. Have him let you know up front before you waste any more time with someone whom you were hoping that there will be more to it. If not,let him go. There are always someone else that would like to be in a relationship with someone long term. I wish you the best of luck in life and finding what you want.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
Your welcome. I hope that things will work out and let me know how things go. I hope that you have a wonderful day. Wish that I could help you even more than what I can for now.
1 person likes this
@smiley83 (1534)
• Malaysia
25 Sep 08
owh thanks a lot...actually, iwouldn't expect your reply to be that fast though! but it isreally my pleasure to read your reply... well, regarding to what u said; he knows my reaction, but he is the type who reveals stuff so slow and it takes quite long to understand the real meaning behind the words! although we come from the same country but i'm living here with my parents in Asia.. s, it is a bit difficult to get in touch regularly as we do have our own different engagements of work and study.. but yeah u r right.. thanks a lot dear, Smiley,
1 person likes this
@tobepure (187)
• China
25 Sep 08
First, i'd like to say thanks.You konw, i'm a greenhand here in this community.Your words that "i believe in this community" give me great confidence.Secondly i don't have a relationship yet.Why? because people around me have faced such problems and i don't want to get stuck in that right now!But i do want to learn from your guys,from your impressing life experiences.Maybe i'll get a relationship tomorrow!God bless me[em]happy
• United States
25 Sep 08
I'm happy that you are sharing your opinion here. It's alright if you are not in a relationship right now because sometimes, it's better to wait and just go on doing what you've been doing lately. So sometimes waiting can be a good thing. Don't do like I did. I got into a relationship when I was 15 and been with him now too. I was too young and naive to understand that it's better to go do what you've wanted to do before getting involve with someone whom you are going to throw away your life away for. Before you know it, you have kids with that person and that person expects you to throw your plans and ideas away if anything and it's not fair for women like me who are moms to throw away what they want in order to accommodate everyone else's. For you, it's good to wait.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 08
Your welcome. Even though I do love my kids more than anything, I wish that I did do something instead of waiting until now. Anyway, even though I have three kids, I always believe in always improving yourself everyday no matter how old you are. I'm going to be taking college online and the thing is, they have free laptop and webcam as a bonus and it's the only college that I know of that gives it away free if you pay it off. It's a 2 year program kind of thing. They are even open to international students which is great. I thought to tell you about it just in case you know someone who would want to take online college courses instead of going to the one where they live. But do what you are currently doing and things will turn up for you before you know it. Don't let it get you down since you aren't with anyone. Enjoy your freedom.
1 person likes this
@tobepure (187)
• China
27 Sep 08
I really appreciate your suggestion.thx a million!!!!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Sep 08
Well I was a single mom, with two kids, a boy and a girl. I was attending University and single momming it quite nicely. Sometimes it was lonely though, but I had my head on straight, the focus was school and my kids. I was done having kids in my mind. One of each was perfect. Then I met Darcy, he and I struggled through a first year together, and came out on top. Then we discussed having more kids ( he had to do A LOT of convincing) sooner or later he wore me down, lol. And we became pregnant with our first child together (after deciding if we were going to have one we would have to make it two kids) We had our son together in 2002, then added another son in 2006. He is 13 years older than me, which is not really surprising to anyone I know since they have always told me I have a very old soul. We are genuinely happy together, though I will admit, I am definately NOT in a hurry to get married, the focus for both of us is our little family, and providing a loving consistent and happy upbringing for them...maybe one day I will want to take the trip down the isle with him...but we have a really good thing just how it is right now...
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I'm glad that you persevere so much when at the time you were single. I can just imagine how hard it was even though I have never ever been a single mom before. But having two kids at the time must be pretty tough especially if you had to leave them at daycare. Great that you have found your soul mate. Someone ho respect and cherish you for who and what yuu are. Nowadays, there are more people that are dumb enough to ruin their own life. When I was prgnant with my second daughter, I went to a vocational college, which was a first for me since at the time, I was 24. I had wanted to go after I knew out the school and checked it out. Good thing was, I graduated before she was born. The bad news was that now, that school no longer exist. I wish to go back to school and improve myself since just being a stay at home mom does have those moments of sick and tired just being a mom. There's more to life than what I am in now. Like you, if I do get married, oh well. If not, that's ok since it's life. some people still believe that it's better if you get married before you have kids. Those people are so stuck on tradition that it makes me sick. Those are the people who will never ever accept the new rule of "being a couple" and think marriage is the only way to go.
2 people like this
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
i am in relationship right now... sweeter as the years go by.. we are planning to get married if he can save enough money for us... hope we can have smart and many kids and happy family too.
• United States
25 Sep 08
That's great. Do it before you have kids since after having kids and planning to get married are usually impossible to do since it costs money to take care of kids. I wish you the best of luck and was wondering what kind of wedding have both of you decided to do before the big day? Also need to figure out how much money you want to spend for your wedding day because it costs lots of money if you wanted those big kind with everything in it like cakes, foods, etc. My parents were married to each other but now divorce. I had already accepted my fate as never going to get married until when one day do come, then I would be happy to be married. Until then, I accepted not being married. Too much paperwork involve in case divorce comes around the corner.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
Good day... I am a person who takes relationship seriously, I mean I want a long lasting rather a lifetime time of a relationship. Of course having children, living together and marriage are included in those plans. I am in a relationship for 8 years now and we're planing to get married at last early next year.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
That's good. It seem like people that went from one relationship to another are usually the ones that are not happy with their life unless they like going in life without a mate for their own. 8 year of being together is great. Since your plans include children, have you decide how many to have? For me, 3 is enough as it is since I don't have my life in order which I need to work on. Being a stay at home mom doesn't make me happy 100% since as you know, most stay at home moms get shortchange when it comes to making income. Either they do get some but it's not enough or they don't get any like this one friend I have known since I was 11. Her hub wouldn't give her any so she finally decided to do something for herself since her significant other have a problem with her having some of his money even though she help him with his business. Before I had any of my kids, I knew I wanted three so I hope that I won't get the fourth child. Hope to hear back from you.
1 person likes this
@kissie34 (2294)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
Yes, I'm in a relationship right now for almost 3 years and 10 months.. We both met we are the age of 17.. Actually, he is 2months and 19 days (to be exactly) older to me .. We are not yet married, this guy still my boyfriend.. Well, we plan to get marry 4 to 5 years from now if everything is okay.. We don't want risk ourselves into something then at the end we will just regret it.. As of now, we are happy as being girl-boy relationship.. My boyfriend is ok with my family.. Well, as of now I don't know if what is my position to his family since I didn't meet yet his family.. It is not he don't like me to meet his family, but it is me who is scared to meet his family because I am thinking that his mom don't like me.. Actually, his mother didn't exactly told me that she don't like me but I just feel it... Maybe, someday I will be able to meet his family but not now 'cause I'm not yet ready to face them..
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
I am in a relationship and it has been for more than a year already. We don't have plans of getting married yet because our priorities first well for her to finish first her studies and for me to find a good job.So that in the future it wouldn't be a problem if we would be living together.
• United States
25 Sep 08
That's wonderful that it's more than a year already of being in a relatinship. Have your life planned and do everything that you can before having kids because once you have kids, your girlfriend if anything is stuck being a stay at home mom. It's great that you are going to work and finish what you have to before anything. I'm in that situation right now where I can't do anything like enrolling at my local community college since I'm in a particular situation where it's best for learning it at home and it sucks for me. I don't really have a social life and it sucks. I hope that things will work out in the end where you and her would live together.
2 people like this
@trv231 (152)
• India
25 Sep 08
I am from India. such kind of relationship are found rare here. But one thing I want to express that for the sake of your kids please get married. Please intimate me If I am wrong so that I can understand your culture
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
Just because you believe that I have to get married doesn't mean I have to. What if I wanted to get away from my boyfriend who is my husband? You have no idea how much hassle the paperwork would be. Here in the united states doesn't requuire every couple to get married. It's a freedom of speech whether to get married or not. My parents are now divorce so I don't have total faith in marriage. Some people that are married ended up feeling like they are trapped since they wanted to get out of it.
1 person likes this
@snpyvin (1518)
• Malaysia
25 Sep 08
I have been in a relationship with my current partner for almost 3 years and we haven marry and no kids at all.I do really shock when i read that you both haven marry but you both own three daughter is that ok in your country?? If its in my country most people will ask you both to get married.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 08
In my country, it doesn't matter if you are married or not if you have kids or not. The thing is, I'm in America. I'm chinese and it's usually the older generation that are the ones saying that you have to get married before having kids. I am not against marriages but if you look at the statistics, most marriages failed and there seem to be more people who are not married that are successful inth relationship of still being together. My own parents were married to each other but not anymore. Divorce and my dad remarried a different chinese lady who have a son of her own. She is living in his house and my brother still live with our dad. He doesn't have any kids at all but he's great as a uncle. Maybe someday I will be married to him but now, I accept not being married since it's easier for me when it comes to going to college.
1 person likes this
@kleynie (129)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
For our age, i was 17 back then and he was 19..until now that i am 21 and he was turning 24, we still enjoy loving each other as it seems that the romance never fades..we just happened to spend our 5th year together last august..We are not yet married and having kids could take place if we are more willing to spend the time together for the rest of our lives..
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 08
It's great that you are spending time with each other as much as you can. Since I have kids, I will tell you something. Before you have any, do everything that you wanted to do because after you do have some, you would regret not doing what you wanted to do after you have kids kind of motivation. I am not saying that having kids are bad. In fact, I love mine very much but because I wasn't motivated as I am now, taking the opportunity to do something with my life. Doing freelance writing and wanting to get into translation is my dream. I will be taking an online college course real soon on the 13th this month whic is great. I am doing this for myself but in the process, my own kids will be so proud of me. By the time I am all done with it, my 9 month old will be heading off to preschool for sure. Since I am a stay at home mom, it's harder for me to get to go out on my own as it is since I am busy with stuff and all. I wish you the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@Samanthavv (1380)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I've been married for two years this coming april. I've known my husband since I was 14 and we hated eachother until I turned eighteen. We would get eachother in trouble all the time. I couldn't stand him. Then I had a bad day (I was eighteen) and he was at the same 24 hour diner as me and invited me over. I never left. We're now married, and we have a one year old daughter and I am almost 8 weeks pregnant with our second.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
It's funny how life turns out sometimes when you least expect it. Before I had kids, I had no motivation to improve my life and now that my 3 year old goes to the afternoon preschool, it makes it harder for me on improving my life even more since I am being forced to be a stay at home mom. I would love more than anything to make my own money and stuff and where it's without anyone else's support. I would want to change my past to make it more better than what I got right now. Even though I love my kids, I felt like I am being taken advantage of sometimes and hated it. I am also living with a bunch of white people whom I don't have much in common. I am waiting for that day to come when I have my own place.
1 person likes this
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
25 Sep 08
i think this will happy , you know ..i am still single,i am 19 so i am i do not know ,uch about that,but i want to know,lol,is it wonderful,romatic or not ,,give me a talk ,ok ?
• United States
25 Sep 08
It depends. Since I have been with the same guy for 13 years, sometimes what he does do get so old but I still do love him. As you know, everybody is different so there are different answers to it. Some people are more luckier than others that was able to find their own soul mate in life while others ended up suffering being with the wrong person. I do love him and all but his weight just turns me off. He is very fat and if he stays like that any longer I am going to assume that he would die before he reaches 70. As I said, I love him and all but he keeps denying that if I ever get as big as him, he wouldn't feel like I do but I know that he would lie.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I have been in a relationship for 6 1/2 years. We have a 4 year old daughter and my son (10) from my 1st marriage. We are not married and have talked about it and bought a wedding set but have made no definate plans with a date or anything. We stay so busy! We do want to have another child together. I suppose we will get around to real wedding plans in the next century or so!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
I know how you feel. Most people are into traditions where they claim that you have to be married in order to have kids which is the right way. Sometimes life throws you a curveball so sometimes, even if you plan something, something gets interrupted of what you planned. You will have another child but wiser to wait until you have your life already in place. Otherwise, you could get distractions in life to come push away your goals to be pushed further. You'll get around to that day of being married. Just wait until your life slows down before you do where you would be able to enjoy life even more with the people that you love.
1 person likes this
• Poland
25 Sep 08
Well i'm not in any ! but i wish i'm in one ! :( .
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
It's ok. Maybe you were meant to wait for someone that are worthwhile instead of ending up being with the wrong person like most people nowadays ended up with. I got involved with my kids father when I was really young at 15. If I could go back, I would of told myself to do my own thing first before getting too involved with any guy. I am a stay at home mom who ended up taking care of three girls myself for most of the time and it gets depressing because of it. Stay at home moms are usually not appreciated enough when it comes to monetary area since we get paid so little and in some cases, don't get any money at all from our significant other. It's worth it to wait until you found someone who have the same value and ideas as you do. Otherwise, you would be wasting your years with the wrong person where you wish you never got involved with at all.
1 person likes this
@amerie86 (148)
24 Sep 08
Hello everyone, my name is Amerie i'm from Northern Ireland. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year now and never have been happier.I was in a previous relationship for almost two years with a girl I just didnt understand or get on with. I don't know how it lasted so long because I was so unhappy. I have that feeling of being so proud of my current girlfriend. It's a pity we cant really show our affection in public but hey maybe one day .
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
It's great as well. My relationship is ok and I do sometimes wish that I am with a guy that believe in what I believe which is being healthy. If he keeps staying so fat, he will die before he is 70. I'm tired and grossed out at what he looks like for being fat for so long. I'm even ashamed sometimes too since he is pretty fat and I look like I deserve someone better than him that looks way better than him for being healthy. If I knew that my life would of looked like now, maybe I wouldn't have been with him in the first place. I love my kids and all but their father just sucks when it comes to health.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Hi Laurie, Im still single, have been in a relatioship before but it didnt last for long. I am 21 years old now. Looking forward to meet someone, a person i could spend time with. A relationship, although im not expecting for a serious one. I just want to share.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 08
It's ok that you are still single. Wait until you meet the right person before going any further. If you want kids, make sure he does too. Otherwise, you would find out too late that you were with the wrong guy to be with. Since you're 21, do everything in life that you wanted to do before having kids. Once you have kids, it makes your life that much harder. It's how it is with me right now. I was planning to go back to school but since I have to be here to make sure my 3 year old gets on the bus and stuff, I have to be here at home. I can't wait to make my own money where I could support myself.
1 person likes this