Is Marriage a 50/50 Proposition?

@singout (980)
United States
September 28, 2008 10:03pm CST
I say no. Being a Minister and having counseled many couples, I have found that the best marriages are those in which one partner is willing and wanting to give more than the other. This makes the spouse who is mostly on the receiving end of all of these good graces, try all the harder to keep up. My wife spoils me rotten; so much so, that nobody else would want me. This keeps me on my toes to keep up with her. I try to treat her well because now I'm afraid she will get mad and stop, now that she's gotten me used to this wonderful life style. I would be a fool to be unfaithful now. I've been trying to keep up with her for almost 46 years but she just keeps on out-giving me.
4 responses
@SachseMom (449)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I would have to agree with you and say that I think in a marriage both should give 100% that way you are happy with the way you are being treated and will keep doing good stuff so that you spouse is happy and doesn't stray or stop doing what they are doing. So both parties are giving 100% and everyone is happy they stay together a long time.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Sep 08
And congrats on the 46 years. I'm going on 7 and Lord Willing there will be many more!!
1 person likes this
@singout (980)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Thanks for the congrats and the response. Keep looking for creative ways to please your spouse. This will make marriage interesting. Bless you.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I believe the same thing. I think it should typically be a 100/100 proposition, at least most of the time. You should give everything you do 100%, no matter how large or how small. It all evens out, too, like you said. When we receive more, we want to give more... at least, most of us feel that way. I was married before and he turned out to be so different after we said "I do", like night and day. But my husband now is like that. I think he does things for me more out of guilt than anything else, though. He tends to get lazy, but then starts feeing guilty because I very rarely complain, so he'll go overboard sometimes to 'make up' for his laziness. He's been feeling badly lately with physical complaints (you know the ones) and is FINALLY getting back to normal, almost anyway. He's been doing so much for me!!! I put up with a lot of his complaining and did everything around here when he couldn't. I now have ligament tears in one of my knees and very likely have tears in the other knee now as well. (I'll know more about them this Wednesday, when I see the surgeon.) Hubby is feeling SOOOOO guilty! He's literally doing everything he can to try to make it up to me. That's the reason I don't complain... much. I know he'll rally and pick up the slack once he can or has realized that he's being lazy. Maybe I've spoiled him too much, too. But, he warned me that he was lazy when we met; that's why I don't complain when he's just plain lazy. I guess he never figured that I would want to do so much for him no matter what. It works out well in the end, though. We all have our 'slumps'. Even I have my slumps. (Did I say that??? ) As long as those slumps are understood by our partners and are only temporary, it all works out. By the way, it sounds like your wife LIKES giving to you. It's something that makes her happy. That's the way I am with my husband. As long as it's acknowledged every now and then, I don't feel neglected or like I'm being used. I know he loves me, even when he's not doing much in return. We each show our love in different ways. I think the problem with a lot of couples is when they expect their partner to give exactly as they want them to, say exactly what they want to hear and react exactly like they want them to. They need to see their partners as individuals who act differently in different situations. It doesn't mean they don't love them, just that they show it differently. This is something I learned a little late, but I DID learn it. It has made me able to understand all people better.
@singout (980)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Thank you for that great response, mentalward. It looks like you have a handle on the marriage thing. I especially like the last part of it where you talk about expectations. I think it all can boil down to one good principle: If you go into marriage with rather low expectations of your spouse, then you won't be too disappointed when they fall short sometimes. And you're right, that philosophy can carry on in your relationship with people.
@patgalca (15917)
• Orangeville, Ontario
29 Sep 08
I have to agree that it's 100/100. How can any couple be happy if one person is putting more into the relationship than the other? One will be happy doing for the other but eventually will tire and begin to resent the other person.
1 person likes this
@singout (980)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Have you ever heard the phrase, "A rising tide floats all boats?" The good actions of one will improve the actions of the other. But it has to be a matter of desire and want just as I mentioned in my post. If it's done in love and a sincere desire to please your spouse there will be no resentment. But if you are expecting a given result, then you are doing it for selfish reasons (which will manifest itself in your attitude)and you probably will be disappointed. If it's done with an attitude of love then it will always be close to the 100% mark you seek.
• India
22 May 09
46 years WOW! You are correct though, to me compromise and sacrifice are the two basic pillars of marriage the other being faith and love. I really dont understand much the issues of 'personal space' which gets talked about so much these days. After all, if I have married, I would automatically have to forego most things 'personal'...including my own time and space otherwise the marriage wont work. But I guess some spouses are way too selfish and they start taking for granted and that's where the problem starts. If most would, like you, value the other's contribution and try equally hard, marriages would not fall apart.