How would you react?
By liltunergirl
@liltunergirl (467)
Canada
September 30, 2008 12:59pm CST
So over the weekend, my bf and I got into an arguement because I asked him to go with me to the mall as I needed new jeans. He decided to get "cranky" with me and ask why we had to that day and why couldn't it wait. Then he proceded to ask me why I even needed new jeans to begin with. I informed him that strangely my jeans shrunk in the waist region and he told me I was over reacting and that it could wait.
Now it really couldn't wait because all my jeans stragely shrunk and they really hurt to wear.
So I told him to forget it then, that I will go by myself and that I just thought he would be nice and come with me to spend some time with me. But he obviously didn't and he let me down again.
Every time I want to do something with him, he gives me a hard time, but I always do things that he wants to do.
Well just yesterday he tells me that his best friend needed him to drive him to the eye doctors at 11AM today. Now my boyfriend works night shift and gets home at 7AM. So 11AM is like 3AM for us day workers.
It really upset me that he gives me a hard time when I need to go get something on a weekend but he's the first one to offer when one of his friends need something during his sleep time.
So how would you feel if your boyfriend/girlfriend did something like this to you? Would you get upset or am I over reacting?
Thanks
5 responses
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
30 Sep 08
I don't know if you're overreacting so much as just looking at the situations in the wrong frame of mind.
You see shopping for jeans at the mall as: an opportunity for you to spend time together.
He sees it as: going into a crowd of people, self-conscious standing around in women's stores, nothing to do while waiting for you to try on jeans, bored out his skull and very uncomfortable.
You see him taking his friend to the eyedoctor "in the middle of the night" as: he'll bend over backwards for his friend but won't do something as simple as go shopping with me on the weekend.
He sees it as: my buddy needs me.
The simplest solution is to give him an unconditional "out". Tell him that you're going to the mall to buy jeans, ask him if he'd like to come with you, if he says he doesn't feel like it then drop it and go by yourself, it's not a big deal. Getting upset about it isn't going to do your relationship any good. There are always going to be things that you want to do that he doesn't and visa versa. That's life, relationships and human nature.
You're lucky, he sounds like a nice guy. Some guys I know would have said something like, "Ya I noticed you've put on a few pounds lately" or "lose a few pounds and you'll save yourself some money."
1 person likes this
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
Well if he had said that to me I probably would have clocked him one! Putting it the way you just did, I can understand now a bit where he's coming from and I now know to try to work on how I deal with situations. It still doesn't make me feel better that he would jump for his buddy but not do something so simple with me but I realize that it must not be all that fun for him. I'm going to try the unconditional "out" the next time.
Thanks for your response.
@1111appleblossoms (169)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
I would be upset also. Try talking to him and explain it to him as you did on here. It doesn't fair to me.
Good luck...
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
Thank you, I did explain it to him and he just acts like he doesn't care or he did nothing wrong or he tells me that my feelings are stupid. At least it's nice to know that someone else would get upset too. Thanks for your response
@1111appleblossoms (169)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
you're not over-reacting. Have you been with him long? Relationships work best when you can both enjoy doing things together. Please don't let him convince you that you're feelings are wrong! Contrary to what someone else said, you DO have your priorities straight! You realize that a relationship means spending time together and your bf doesn't yet realize it.
@unusualsuspect (2602)
• United States
30 Sep 08
I think you have your priorities screwed up. If you're an adult and capable of going jeans shopping on your own, why is he being cranky if he doesn't want to go? Maybe your boyfriend has his priorities right. His friend's need to get to the eye doctor (if he doesn't have transportation or has some other problem with getting there) seems to me just a wee bit more important than your jeans. Yes, you're way overreacting.
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
I wanted to go get my jeans on the weekend....his friend went to the eye doctors TODAY...two totally different days. My whole point is that he doesn't want to do things with me when he has a day off and doesn't need his rest for work that night but he seems to be able to wake up half way through his sleep to take his friend - who has a car btw and other friends that could take him - to the eye doctors. All I wanted was to spend some time with him. It's not about priorities - his priority today would be to SLEEP instead of taking his friend to the eye doctors. He has work again tonight and waking up at 11AM is like you or me waking up at 3AM to take your friend somewhere. So I know where MY priorities are...I do my stuff on the weekends when I have time...and not taking my friend to the eye doctors in the middle of the night!
@dodo19 (47049)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
1 Oct 08
Man, I'd really be upset and pissed. I mean I understand wanting to help friends, but still not to help your girlfriend as well?? Now, that's just really hurtful. I'd really be upset, even angry, pissed off, if my fiance did that to me. I don't fully understand the people who aren't willing to help their partner, but as soon as a friend needs help, he/she is the first to help the friend.
@sunny69316 (638)
• China
2 Oct 08
Hi,
I 'd really be upset and pissed if my gf is like that,but,you can go to the mall with your good friend if he give you a hard time!Good luck!
