That Woman There is a Cougar!
By SaintAnne
@SaintAnne (5453)
United States
October 3, 2008 1:14pm CST
Women dating younger men has become more publicly acknowledged. I have no problem whatsoever with such a relationship. More power to women who get to do what they want and more power to the men who are not intimidated by women who are older, more stable and experienced in their lives.
Most of these women, if not all, who date men more than 8 years their junior get called cougars. Other people may give this term to the woman in the relationship, even the woman, herself, sometimes consider herself a cougar. I just have an issue with such term. It's patronizing and even sexist. To me, it denotes being on the prowl for fresh meat and being on the prowl, to me, is somewhere just below desperation. "There she is, she's hungry, lurking behind the bushes, searching for some fresh man meat, there she goes, she pounces on the prey, her long painted nails digging into his flesh!"
Others would argue that it is in fact an empowering word for women. It means that women get to be in control of things. They're independent, sexy, strong-willed and they know what they want.
What do you think? Would you like it if you were called a cougar? Do you think I am offended by this term because I'm still playing into the social stigma attached to women and dating? Or is it a step forward for us women because we get to own such term of being in control and having power in the relationship? And why are the younger women called kittens? Is it because they're soft and cuddly? What about the older women? I have too many questions!
4 responses
@carinio98 (2929)
• Philippines
3 Oct 08
i dont mind if they call a girl a cougar or something it doesnt matter... i like bit** and slu*** girl yaahh know if you are a real at your self you will love more of what you do... so dont mind if they call you that as long as your express what you are...
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
3 Oct 08
I DO mind if I get called those names that you just mentioned. I hope you don't call the women in your life those. Thanks for responding.
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
4 Oct 08
Carinio,
Maybe you don't know this but the names that you say you like are demeaning and offensive. I too hope that you will never ever call a woman those names. I don't understand the message in the rest of your post.
@carinio98 (2929)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
[b]saintanne,
i respect any girl or woman in what ever they like, like you. you dont your true to your self and do what ever thing you know is right. and for me a woman like you will be respect in a right way i dont know for the others.
lindalinda,
i dont think you even know about what i said here i said even they call woman a cougar it doesnt matter to me. every one of us have right to be respected. except for what you do as a rude responser. dont respond to any reply nor discussion if you dont know what to answer coz you will hurt the person who wrote it. try to understand the post or the topic before you react ok.[/b]
lindalinda,
i dont think you even know about what i said here i said even they call woman a cougar it doesnt matter to me. every one of us have right to be respected. except for what you do as a rude responser. dont respond to any reply nor discussion if you dont know what to answer coz you will hurt the person who wrote it. try to understand the post or the topic before you react ok.[/b]
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Hey Anne, I don't like the term "cougars" at all. But when
you see the woman who they refer to as cougars you wonder.
They pick the woman like celebs who are particularly
famous and are dating men quite a bit younger and I don't
mean like 8 years younger, I mean like 20+ years. That to
me deserves the title of "cougar". Someone like that
Hogan woman and I use the term "woman" quite as loosly
as she is since she is dating a 19 year old. Now that to
me is a "cougar" or worse! I am dating someone 11 years
younger than me and I don't think I am a "cougar". Not
by a long shot! I don't parade around flaunting myself
like a sl!t or acting different to bring attention to the
fact that there is an age difference like that between is.
We are already an inter-racial couple so what else do we
need to bring attention to us for! It does bother him that
I am so much older than him. He has said he wouldn't marry
someone so much older than him and he is a grandfather at
the age of 45! I think that those terms are fitting for
the people who act the way they do by bringing attention
to themselves for the wrong reasons~that is my opinion!
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
4 Oct 08
My husband will be a grandfather this month, he is 31 - that is because he married someone 19 years older. Age is only a number. We are also a inter-racial couple, so what. My age has never bothered my husband, matter of fact when we were dating the age difference bothered me far more than it bothered him. He did the pursuing, he did the asking. He is only a year older than my oldest son and only 3 years older than my youngest. He asked them first.
I also don't parade around like anything other than what I am - a highly educated, successful professional woman. My choice in spouse is my choice.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Hello Opal26. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience on this matter. So how long have you and your boyfriend been together? And it still bothers him that you're older?
I think the whole Hogan family is a bit messed up. And thank you for pointing out that such term could be fitting to those who always try to bring attention to themselves for the wrong reasons.
Stay happy!
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Hello IvaIdean, thanks for providing us another opinion on this matter. I am for marrying someone in your own terms, regardless of age or race. Boyfriend and I are an interracial couple too (he's 5 years older than me and taller). Anyway, it's good to know that your husband gets along really well with your sons. Some children feel awkward when any of their parents date someone about their age. Best wishes!
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
4 Oct 08
I was not aware that women who marry or date younger men are called cougars. In any case I don't like that name. It is sad that even today we live in a male oriented society. No one blinks an eye when a guy dumps his wife of many years and hooks up or marries a women ten or more years his junior. This happens every day. Men reach the age of 40 and start to panic. They want to be 25 and go after girls that age. What is it with them and what is wrong with a younger man dating an older woman?
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
4 Oct 08
There is nothing wrong with an older person dating a much younger one, just as long as both are of age and mature. But I agree with your observations that it's not really a big thing in society if men do that. But if women do, then the double standard enters the picture. Thanks for sharing 2Lindas.
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Although I cannot for the life of me understand why a mature woman would want to date a younger man in light of many studies showing that men mature at a slower rate than women anyway, if she does, my view is that is her own business as long he is not jailbait, that is to say as long as the guy is of legal age.
I find most of the terms applied to women offensive not just today but in the whole history of the world's literature. If you look at some of the predatory language used against women during the inquisition, for example, it is enough to make a strong woman throw up, but even that is overshadowed by the physical violence that took place. I should say carnage.
Throughout history in all cultures language is used to set the stage for violence and make it seem acceptable. First you darken the character of your enemy, in your example by likening her to some animal, and then you say, she is just an animal and then it is OK to treat her like one. We all know this even if just subconsciously. That, I think, is why we are offended by this language.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
3 Oct 08
This is what happens when we exist in a world that has been strongly male-dominated for centuries. If an older guy gets a younger girl, he's a stud. If a younger girl goes out with a much older guy, he's her sugar daddy. If a man is aggressive, then he's just being a man and in control. If a woman is assertive/aggressive then she could easily be one cold-hearted b-. I could go on and on...
I don't really have a lot of things to add to your post since it's pretty much self-explanatory and clear. Thanks, drannhh.
