Divorce
By Anne18
@Anne18 (11029)
October 7, 2008 3:58am CST
Well....
I have put my big foot in it yet again!!!!
Was delivering the children to the school, bumped into a friend who I haven't seen for quite a while as our paths never seen to cross on the school run. She told me that she had moved and that I would have to go and have a cuppa coffee with her sometime soon. I asked why she had moved as I thought she was happy where she loved before. She said that her and her husband were getting divorced, I replied "Oh I'm so sorry". She replied back, "Don't be sorry I'm not!"
So what should one say if someone tells you that they are getting a divorce?
Have you ever been caught out before? I'm not going to say anything next time someone tells me that they are getting divorced!!! LOL Bet that will still be wrong as well.
2 people like this
17 responses
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I would not taker her remark literally. That is a pretty common come back on divorce. Sometimes it is true but mostly it is just to discourage any further conversation on the subject.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
7 Oct 08
well when iam in this situation i just don,t say anything basely they just want you to listen to them they have plenty to tell you.
@theliarslover1 (35)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I believe what you said was sympathetic and caring. Some people reply 'don't be sorry' for a few reasons. I've found it's said, because they don't want you to feel sorry for them(pride thing); they are actually happy to be divorcing an *ss; they're embarrassed; or they might have already moved on.
I reply with the 'I'm sorry' and sometimes I just say, 'are you ok?'. If it's a good friend of mine and their ex is an actual *ss, I ask if their glad to get rid of him/her..lol Not much else you can say.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
7 Oct 08
I think you probably said the right thing! It's one of those situations where i don't think there is really a right thing to say at all! You didn't say anything offensive so i wouldn't worry about it!! I hate situations like that i always say the wrong thing and feel like i put my fot in it really badly!! xxx
1 person likes this
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
9 Oct 08
I have had that happen to me. I looked shocked and said, "Oh my gosh, what happened?" This sparked a really long conversation about what happened. I just kept saying that must have been really hard for you to deal with. At the end, I also said I was sorry. She seemed ok with it after she was able to tell her story. I think I'm sorry was an appropriate response though. It shows that you care!
@sweetyyyyyheart (106)
• China
7 Oct 08
Usually we will say sorry when we hear others say they will divorce or divorced, because most people think divorce is a bad matter. Divorce means wife and husband will end their marriage, maybe both of them are hoping to become strangers and never get into relationship again. People who divorce usually because they can't live happily with their spouse, so when they divorce it means they will begin their new life. They come out from a bad marriage and in future they will find another person that they care about. So they don't think divorce is a bad matter, they will think divorce is the begining of their happy life.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
8 Oct 08
Umm.. well... getting a divorce means getting your freedom; so why be sorry for someone on Independence Day? It calls for a celebration, I say. Unless the divorced party is really miserable. Most of them aren't; they are just bitter and happy to be free. I remember I was. I was really happy to get my freedom and then people made me miserable by being sorry for me. Now I tell them I am married; that keeps them from being sorry for me. ;) Funny how so many people think the presence of a man is a must for a woman. I am really and truly happy without one.
Cheers and happy mylotting
@thuhuong (823)
• United States
8 Oct 08
Well I believe you said what you should have said. You could of asked 'How you taking it?' That might pour her out a bit and you'll find yourself a shoulder to lean on. Usually in a public setting, you want to keep it short and simple. She did ask you to go have coffee so that was the invitation to know more. Her response, I'll say was not meant to be mean only shows how bitter she is and it's still clinging. Needless to say, I am not a divorcee but a newly-wed and separation is something I would not try to get near any moment now. It isn't the toxicity I need at the moment but I'm realistic to know that others are not as lucky so it's best to let it unravel bit by bit before jumping to conclusions.
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
9 Oct 08
yes there was a time i almost put my foot in my mouth one of my friends that swore she didnt believe in divorce got married an I hadnt seen her in awhile when i moved back to my town she was sportting a tummy big time an I almost asked when the baby was due thank god before i did she told me her hubby an her splitt months before I came home so not wantting to hurt her feelins i didnt metion the baby then I start noticing months later still no baby then it hit me she wasn't going to have a baby thank god I kept my mouth shut
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I would still say I'm sorry. It is a sad thing to end a marriage, which most of us I think still believe should be forever. I'm sure she said that more because she was angry at her husband at the time and also because she just wanted to sound glib and have a snappy come back, not because she was upset that you said you were sorry.
@anawar (2404)
• United States
8 Oct 08
Anne - ouch. How much did it hurt pulling your foot back out of your mouth?
Sounds like this girl set you up, looking for a chance to use her drama enhanced reaction.
What else can you say? I guess we could ask if their ex was interested in dating again? Just a joke.
travel lightly,
anawar
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Oct 08
hi anne wellwhat did you do that was so awful. I mean you hadnt
seen this friend for awhile and had no reason to know she was
divorcing. maybe you are coming from a happy marriage yourself so you would naturally feel bad that she is getting a divorce.She wouldnt count that against you so dont be so hard on yourself. to
a lot of us divorce sounds pretty sad.
@albino001 (154)
• India
8 Oct 08
oops it seems to be a good idea but with the social responsibility in your hand you should condole him or her
@Alexandria37 (5717)
• Ireland
7 Oct 08
Well I would also have said that I was sorry to hear about her divorce. I don't think it would sound very nice if I said, I am delighted to hear that. I have a few friends who are divorced but I knew from way back that they had intended getting divorced so I had to congratulate them when their divorce came through. On one occasion, I even went to the divorce party and the only person who wasn't there was the person who got the divorce. We all thought it was quite funny at the time.
@crazydaisy (3896)
• Canada
7 Oct 08
No you should not feel that way because you did not know about the divorce.
she is the one that is in the wrong not you .she is trying to find a friend.
to talk to.hopping that they well understand and listen to her..it hard to
go threw a divorce because l have done so myself.I am sorry about your friend
l hope everything go o.k. it is hard to go threw.be there for her,
cd
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
If thats the case i wont say a word anymore lol. I guess the only thing im going to say is...Oh i see, then change the topic to a different discussion. Sometimes it is awkward to discussed about an issue that you know the other person is still sensitive to talk about it. Unless she open up the topic and wanted to talk about it then thats the time i will share my sentiment. Sometimes its pretty hard to start a discussion when the topic is about separation between couple who use to be happy with each other. We dont know if what were going to say will make the person emotional.
