Did i make aterrible mistake? I'm so confused

October 9, 2008 3:13am CST
I just broke up with my girlfriend, i invited her over to my place last night we had a good talk and i wanted to look at her cellphone. Suddelny she started to act wierd and she would'nt give it to me. I was getting suspicious so i insisted even more. She ran in to the bathroom, i wnet after her, she still wpuldnt give it to me. so i told her to go home. she left. we talked on the phone soon after, and i told her that we had a nice year together and i wanna brake up cuz i cant trust her anymore. after that she came back and talked to my sister and cryied about 2 hours, i ddint hear what they were talking. then she left didnt even say goodbye.. Now i fell like a complete jerk, I dont know if i did the right thing or i was to harsh with her. what do you think?
7 people like this
49 responses
@kedves (728)
9 Oct 08
what is the basis for wanting to look at her cell phone? did you know something ? did you suspect something? did someone tell you something ? there must have been a reason for asking you do not make clear. if you asked just because you are naturally jealous then I don't blame her for running. you can not live your life under scrutiny it is like being imprisoned. firstly i would tell you to consider your actions not hers and if you feel you were justified then tell her your reasons and give her the chance to respond without accusations. if they are true then it is best you separate if they are false and you have shown her you have no trust in her or faith in her then you have lost a good woman and i wish you good luck in repairing any damage you may have caused but please what ever you decide do it for the right reasons.
1 person likes this
9 Oct 08
thanks for your answer. i just wanted to look at her phone for no reason, i became suspicious when she didnt give it to me, its not normal.. later she told me that she was testing me to se how far would i go. than again why did she run wihtout showing me her cell if she knew that i would be suspicious. my instincts were telling me that she was hiding something by the way she was acting..
@applefreak (3131)
• Singapore
12 Oct 08
did you give her a chance to explain to you? there can be many reasons why she doesn't allow you to see her cellphone. btw, why did you want to see her cellphone for? it's personal and i think everyone should be allowed to keep it personal. i'm totally against seeing other's cellphone or email. i don't even pick up my partner's mobile phone. i will also be mad if he picks up mine. maybe you want to call her and talk to her about it. ask why she doesn't want to let you see her phone. trust shouldn't be based on the mere fact that she refused to let you see her phone. cheers ;p
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
10 Oct 08
you had no buisness looking at her cellphone , that's personal. has she ever ask to look at yours. i believe you overreacted. of course there may have been somrthing on there she didn't want ut see but it's still personal.
1 person likes this
• South Africa
9 Oct 08
You did the dumbest thing ever. And unfortunately you described yourself well with the 'j' word! You treated her like a child and at the same time she was acting a bit shifty so she might have been cheating but don't insist if she won't show you her phone just back off but tell her that you don't feel there's trust in your relationship if she won't let you! Would you let her look through your phone? If the answer is 'yes' then you were right to dump her!
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32255)
• United States
9 Oct 08
Well to be honest I don't think that you did anything wrong, atleast from what you say to us. The fact that she wouldn't let you look at her phone is definitely a bit weird, unless of course the phone is brand new and then I can say that she probably was very protective over it. The fact that you broke up with her so fast, well I'm not really sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I would probably have to say that I think you should have asked if she was hiding something and be honest and tell her that you're suspicious because she won't let you hold the phone. Then tell her that if she can't trust you to look at the phone then you can't trust her and would like to end the relationship. Now if it's new, although annoying, I wouldn't think anything of it. Maybe your sister can be some incite for you, but I would be careful about how you approach the matter, let your sister hear your side and then ask her if she knew why she was being so protective over the phone.
1 person likes this
@msedge (4012)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I can't blame you for your decision but do you think its a strong reason to break up.Your girlfriend acted suspicious when she never gave you her cellphone.If shes not hiding anything from you she should have given it.I could say, its her fault.But sometimes no matter how close you are but you are not still married everyone has entitled to their own privacy.If you love each other, i hope you guys will have reconcilliation and if its not then you should move on..
@rea_02 (49)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
I just want to tell my experience about that situation that you had with your girlfriend. I had a boyfriend before well actually I broke with him just last night. I also had that kind of situation with him. I just want to read some qoutes in his cellphone but I got confused when he didn't give his cellphone, that time I thought so many things I had so many speculations but I let that passed. Then one time when he got sleep I took his cellphone with a clear intention just to keep myself busy while he was not yet awake. I opened his inbox then I read so many messages I'm so mad that time but I let it passed again. What I did was I asked his explanations about the messages that I read and I tried to understand and believe in him. I told him that "okay, I'll forgive you but I don't want you to flirt again with others". Then one time, I told him that I want to see his cellphone but he was so tough and he didn't give to me that time I'm so mad and I broke up with him. I know that he's having a relationships with another girl. I follow my instinct and my instinct is true I proved it. The difference between you and I is I proved to myself that I'm correct. The decision you had is okay but how deep is your love with that girl, why don't you let her explain her side? Well I'm sure she's really hiding something but you need to know first what is that something before you had your action. It's just a piece of advice but I'm not against with your previous action because I know and understand the feelings that you felt that time.
@jiangxj (45)
• China
13 Oct 08
just now,i asked my two female workmates:is it right to check boyfriend's phone? they said "yes"."If he don't wanna let me see his phone,there are must be suspicious." one said.In fact,it really puzzled me.i don't know which way is right.because,to lovers,"trust" is serious. Before,when i was in my relationship, my ex-boyfriend never give me permission to see his phone.and i felt bad about that,i'm afraid he was not good to me. now,you,she didn't have let you see her phone,it don't mean there are must have some be hided.but you feel be hurt.so,i only what to say :repacting your feeling from your heart.
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
11 Oct 08
I really don't understand why you would break up over the cell phone thing. Why did you want to look at it? Did you think she was seeing someone else? Whatever the reason, why didn't you just ask her about whatever your suspicions were and go from there? I feel like we don't have all of the story here.
• Malaysia
11 Oct 08
Hi. That is a very interesting story of yours. For me it is the beginning of a thru lover. You know girls are too secretive and very sensetive. You shouldn't force her, you should treat her with respectfully coz she will be one day as your wife. Try to understand her feeling and after one year of frendship you and her should already be a matured lover. Try to be more gentlemen. Try to accept if she does not want to give her cellphone to you. Then dont give your cellphone to her. Everybody have their own respect. Ask your sister to be the middleman, may be she likes your sister and will listen to what you want to tell her. Good luck.
@f14_0105 (22)
• Indonesia
11 Oct 08
for me as a girl is wrong if our boyfriend want to know everything before become husband except when you say love to her there's commitment between both of you. Have You ever ask her why she do that? Don't ever you broke up girl its because something silly :). Between Boyfriend and Girl Friend is practice how to build a happy family and the key are LOVE,Understanding and loyalty. :)
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Oct 08
Without knowing the two of you, it is hard to say. You've been together for a year. Are you the jealous type? I know that my daughter's boyfriend is and she does not like him looking at her cell becuz she has some guy friends who have been her friends for a long time and are nothing more than friends. Still, if he sees that she has talked to them, he gets very very upset. It's too bad because she is very faithful to him and yet this jealousy of his causes fights and is sure to break them up sooner or later. I've dated jealous guys and sometimes you just get to the point where you cover up very innocent things just hoping to avoid the fight and then if caught in a lie...it makes things worse. It's ridiculous because you can't win either way with these types...it's always a battle. If not that, then maybe she really did have something to hide...ask your sister. Either way...trust is everything in a relationship. If you don't trust her and you feel the need to check her cell then odds are it isn't going to work out anyway.
• China
11 Oct 08
Hi there. I think there must be something that yr girl is trying to hide, but maybe this something is not as serious as you have immagined. Girls always have something, like little secrets that she only want to keep to their own. You two guys have been so impulsive and excited about this whole thing. Just stay cool at this moment and figure out what is the thing. I believe yr girl loves you very much or she can't cry for two hours. You can try to get what's behind by your own, by observing her specially and get some info from your sister. If you guys are really in love with each other, you can find a way to go through this and try your best never to hurt each other. Good luck!
@GIPILKO (51)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
First, you have to respect her privacy.The way you describe what happened-that you insisted so much is not a good manner. If I am the girl,I will be happy knowing that your trust in me will only last in a cellphone. It is not bad to suspect something but I think, not in a rude way,maybe you can see her phone while she was away, and breaking up with someone should also be thinked of twice or many times.What if she had a secret not related in your relationship(has nothing to do with you?)maybe a deeper problem?And still not the time to share it with you? she had her own mind, feeling coz shes a human! I am sorry friend but I dont condemn you, you just expressed your feeling to her on that time..its not a terrible mistake, but it is a mistake(only)!This time, ask yourself if really you cant trust her..if yes so just accept that you cant be together for a long time. You are right on your decision to break up with her!
10 Oct 08
I think you just did the right thing. If she really loves you she won't keep a secret. You can't love someone that you can't trust. You deserve someone better. I can't think of any reason why she would hide her cellphone that hard. You have the right to be doubtful of her loyalty. You were not harsh.
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I think that if she didn't have something to hide then she would have let you look at her cellphone. Remember though, trust goes both ways.
@shamzy18 (2319)
10 Oct 08
Well i dont agree you did the right thing though if she was actually cheating then yeah you did do the right thing but you dont actually know. Did you give her time to explain? The thing is i dont like showing my phone to ANYONE even a new phone which has literally nothing on it i still wouldnt want anyone going through it. I just like to keep myself to myself dont want people going through my things. Also if i was in a relationship guys tend to get jelous over other guys who are just friends so if they saw texts from a guy they would just get annoyed and it is so not worth the hassle over some guy who is just a friend. Also texts from my girl friends they are personal even though if it is just about anything in general i still dont like people going through what we been talking about i just think it is an invasion of privacy whether that person is a family member a boyfriend or husband!
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
10 Oct 08
It sounds like, no matter what started this, there is a definite lack of trust in this relationship. It wouldn't have worked anyway. Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and especially in a romantic relationship. If it's not there, you do not have a strong foundation to build upon. The fact that you asked to see her cell phone says that you had suspicions. The fact that she refused to let you see it says that she had a good reason to keep it from you. If she had nothing to hide, she would have let you see it. If she didn't like you asking, then it would have been up to her to break off the relationship. There's definitely something going on in this relationship to warrant a closer look. From what you've said, I'd say that you were right to break up the relationship. If she has been guilty of talking with other guys, it's up to her now to decide whether or not she wants to see you exclusively and to approach you with honesty to let you know her feelings. You can decide then whether or not you could ever trust her again. If she is guilty of that, but has no intentions of changing, then it's best to leave things as they are right now and to move on with your life. Once trust is gone, it won't be long before the relationship ends, anyway. Better to learn it now than years down the road. There's someone better out there for you and she's probably looking for you right now.
@iyah10 (4116)
• Kuwait
10 Oct 08
I do not think that you have a mistake but I think asking for her mobile/cellphone is the one thing that is so harsh on her side because you do not have enough trust unto her but if she is also clear in her side and to make you felt shame on your own is to hand it over the cellphone and let you see if she do not have anything to hide from you and this is just my opinion......
• India
10 Oct 08
why did she hide that ask her and solve this problem