Her Husband hit her :(
By yosista
@yosista (302)
Canada
October 9, 2008 7:10am CST
My friends husband bet her up pretty bad , and she didnt leave him, and when I asked why she is putting herself through this, she told me He loves me and told me it wont happen agian.....the way I think , is if he did it once he will do it agian... but My friend thinks things will change and this will never happen agian....what do you 's think??? any tips for my friend??
18 people like this
68 responses
@decent_attitude (220)
• India
9 Oct 08
hmm ur frnd seems to be very patient ...yet she must have to be careful from next time
2 people like this
@decent_attitude (220)
• India
9 Oct 08
if it get to the next time than she must also hit him hard to prove that he doesnt dominates her
2 people like this
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Yes if he can get away with it once, he will do it again. Once is enough for a man to hit his wife.
but again,sometimes it takes more to understand if maybe something happen that provoke that kind of action.
It is hard to say, but if she does not have any kids, it is safer not to have any with someone who will be violent. If your friend is not going to leave her husband the best tip you can give her. Don't have any kids.
2 people like this
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
10 Oct 08
There is no excuse for a man to hit a woman let alone beat her. Kids or no kids, understanding the situation that caused the beating doesn't count for anything. He hit her and that is all there is to it, even if she provoked a response it shouldn't have been his striking her!!! She needs to get out of the situation ASAP!
1 person likes this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
9 Oct 08
How sad, I am sorry your friend thinks like this, she deserves better and he deserves to have his hands cut off!!!
2 people like this
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
9 Oct 08
It's really like that when you love someone, you always give them second chance. Probably your friend is really in love with her husband. The only thing that you can do is to give her advice, but, in the end the decision will still be up to her.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I was in an abusive marriage & once I finally broke away, I got much councelling and did much reading up on domestic violence. In some very rare cases, it may never happen again. As a rule, not only does it happen again but it gets worse and worse over time. The longer a person stays in such a relationship, the harder it is to leave because your esteem gets beaten down so terribly. As a friend, I would not suggest that you push her at this time to leave her husband. doing so will only cause her to either avoid you or start lying to you about abuse. She needs friends so you should be there for her. If it happens again, listen to her, offer to go to a women's crisis center with her, but most of all, let her know that you'll be there for her whatever she chooses to do. Sadly you can't force these things as much as you'd like to. He may love her but it isn't a healthy love if he hits her. She also has to ask herself why she chooses to stay with something most women would run from. Good luck with this...I hope children aren't involved.
2 people like this
@masquedxangel (99)
• United States
9 Oct 08
Urgh I hate seeing things like this. Any guy ever hits me the other two hits are gonna be me breaking his nose and him hitting the ground. Dooon't think so. Women who believe "he loves me" "he won't do it again" almost NEED to get smacked around again. Maybe when they end up in the hsopital for the first time they'll get a wakeup call.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
10 Oct 08
I guess your right in there. For as long as you give in and forgive then there is always a possibility that it will repeat again. That is one characteristic of battered women after they've been hurt there is this tendency for the girl to really stick out of fear or sometimes their love for the guy. They are blinded by it that they think they are doing the right thing for their relationship to work but in the end they realize this later in their lives that it is really not working after being beaten several times. Also there are those that are ashamed to go out and openly accept that they are beaten by their lovers, they fear the judgment of other people on her. So if I were you better make her realize her about this. If this happens once then maybe give her another chance but if this happens again then maybe its time for her to let reality strike in her mind and let her see that she does not deserved to be hurt like that.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
10 Oct 08
I do hope that you can find a right time for her to accept that what her husband did is definitely wrong. Most battered women are like that and they realized it when it was repeated again. So be patient if you're really concerned for her for it may take some time.
1 person likes this
@BYOLA2871 (4371)
• South Africa
10 Oct 08
the cure for headache is not to behead the person but to take medication,if she leaves him and gets involved with another man and the new man beats her worse what would you say then?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
10 Oct 08
believe me if he did it once he'll do it again. been there done that. i have one piece of advice for her. get the h=== out of there before he hurts her really bad.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
10 Oct 08
bet you are going to make alot of friends on mylot w/that stinking attitude,
1 person likes this
@WickedDracula (18)
• South Africa
10 Oct 08
Or maybe learn to respect her man, for a change do some work in the house, cook something eatible, God, you women here are such a pity lot, complaining and complaining, but never leaving your loving screen
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
9 Oct 08
I've been rather surprised in reading some of the responses you have already gotten on this. Amazed that some people think she shows "great love" for staying. To me she is showing stupidity. She needs to do like one poster here said - walk out and not look back. She (or you) also need to report this to the police. I'm sorry, but I don't think documenting this in a journal is going to do a thing for the police if this happens again. Because the police may doubt the claim based solely on her journal. Are there children in this household? If so how do either of you know he won't use his fists on the children next? And, how do either of you know he will stop at just hitting her next time. What if he kills her? How will you feel then knowing that the police were never notified?
Sorry, but love is no excuse for putting up with this. I know these things because I too was an abused wife. And I got smart, and I called the police, and I got out.
1 person likes this
@masquedxangel (99)
• United States
9 Oct 08
I absolutely agree with you. Thank you for stating this, I'm just as surprised at you as seeing "wow this is TRUE love!" in response to violence like this. ESPECIALLY with a child in the household. Shame on her!
1 person likes this
@debby28 (89)
• United States
9 Oct 08
It could not hurt any, there is usually a reason why men hit if all in all they are nice guys. I am dealing right now with my grandson who I took off my daughter because the boyfriend was hitting him and now at 11 the anger is starting to come out he is seeing some one now so that maybe things like this will not happen latter. who knows what he went thru. I just say if she dose love him and dose not want to leave then try to find out why.
1 person likes this
@xayuk69 (267)
• Malta
10 Oct 08
Yes many times the people who beat their wifes have a problem themselves or have had problems in their childhood. I can say this for sure because my husband is surely one of them we had been married for 15 years and he never laid hands on me but he did it once after 15 years and it surprised me a lot! All I can say is that he has gone through a lot of heartache in life ,(one thing being beaten up in chilhood than growing older and mother neglecting him because he married me). What would you do if you had gone through that.? would you be frustrated? My husband has so much anger in him for how unfair life is that sometimes he cannot suppress his anger .i do not say that this is right but many times I think that he needs real help and understanding. Maybe I as his wife nagging him many times am not helping him and that is why he sometimes gets abusive. In an argument i go on and on and on telling him things and i think even a dog if you hit it one day it will get back to you. I know it is not right but I think we have to know certain things before judging .I am surely not saying that who beat their wifes is right but i think that most of these people who do it have been mistreated themselves. In my case in an argument I try to stop myself from yellin at him because i know it will spark him of.Many times the argument will stop there and we try to discuss it later!
2 people like this
@iyah10 (4115)
• Kuwait
10 Oct 08
It is you that has been betting your wife in this discussion because if you will read your discussion you have told that "he loves me" will if that would be the situation I just hope that the person would change his way because beating a person is not a good of expressing your anger in the end of quarrel......
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
10 Oct 08
my hubby used to hit me as well... and many people say that if he hits me once, he will do it again... but i don't really believe in that... fortunately, he is a christian and he knows God... so he can repent and he promise me never to do it again... and he actually tries really hard to keep his promise not to do anything physical to me anymore... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10874)
•
10 Oct 08
As a therapist I have counselled many women who have been subjected to such as abuse and it is more common for the abused woman to stay with the husband than not. Research has shown that the chances of it happening again are extremely high unless the husband can acknowledge that he has a problem and seek counselling himself. Often the only way to force this to happen is for the wife to leave even if she doesn't want to, and refuse to return unless some sort of counselling is taken up. If the husband refuses then she just needs to get over him because he probably will do it again.
1 person likes this
@antiqaddict (87)
• United States
10 Oct 08
This happened to me, I hit her on the butt. But now I wouldn't think of doing such a thing. Yes people change but it takes time. We are celbrating our 40 this year
1 person likes this
@leahsfrog (120)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Hit once, walk out the door. That is what I say to every woman who comes to me with this problem. I have NEVER seen a relationship improve after the man started hitting the woman, EVER. I have seen it more times than I care to remember and every woman stayed in the relationship because he said he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.Eventually he will either beat her daily until she is nothing more than a shell or kill her, if children are involved more likely than not they will become the next target for his rage and abuse. This is based only on my personal dealing and observations of such abuse among people that I know.
As her friend I urge you to call the police and report this abuse, you do not even need to tell them who you are if your afraid your friend will be upset. Even if she goes back to him there is a solidly documented history of abuse if she ever needs to seek help in the future.
1 person likes this
@jackiew (915)
• Canada
10 Oct 08
I really can't answer for your friend but she should walk away and never look back.Her husband didn't just give her a little slap-which i also don't go along with-but he actually bet her really bad-no way should a woman stay in this enviroment.Does she have children?What would they think to see their mother all marked up and as far as him not doing it again,I don't believe that one-he hit her once and he will do it again-He really needs an anger management course.
@yanksfan1974 (35)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I dont know what went on or why he hit her but there is no excuse for it. I hate to admit it but I hit my wife once too, before we were married. i am ashamed to say so and I am glad she had the heart to forgive me. The look on her face afterwards was enough for me to realize what I had done and decide to change my entire outlook on life. I have since built up a zero tolerance for such an event. She should leave him, even if he is a good guy deep down. If he is a good guy, he will find someone else and hopefully learn from his mistakes. But i agree with you, if he did it once, there is a good chance he will do it again. And if they decide to have chilren, what kind of example will that set for them? It may break her heart, but she should leave. there is probably someone out there that will respect and love her the way she deserves to be loved.
