Is it wrong to fall in love with your friend's ex?

October 10, 2008 12:06pm CST
Just recently my college friend's ex-bf added me to his friendster account. I've found out that he's working abroad. So we started a constant chatting. We enjoy exchanging jokes and stories. I told my other college friends about our communication and everyone reacted negatively. I can't really understand their reasons because I never had a bad experience with this person. I can't also think of anything negative that she did to his ex-gf when we were in college. When I asked my friends why they don't like him they said that it's off for me to get involve with our friend's ex because other people might think that I'm going out with a second-hand guy. Another one even said that you wouldn't want to swallow what your friend had already thrown up. I don't really get it. I don't even entertain the thought that he would be my bf yet my friends are already acting weird. If in case we would end up as a couple, do you think there's something wrong with that? He's single, I'm single, we enjoy each other's company and I don't really understand why my friend's think of it that way.
2 people like this
24 responses
11 Oct 08
I can undrstand how your friend feels. and, if you don't .. your very lucky. The reality is .. most likely you will have to make a choice..between your friend and her x . I like the saying .. That,.. boyfriends come and go..but a true friend will be by your side always. I try not to have friends that would date my Ex.. It's just the type of people I choose to surround myself with. I think you should walk away form this man and, find your girl-friend and, see if you can salvage that relationship. Thats my take on it.Tracy
12 Oct 08
Thanks for the comment but my friend is already happily married with 2 guys so I don't think that it is necessary to do that.
• United States
11 Oct 08
It is a fine line. It also depends on the type of relationship you and ur friend have. Will they even care? No it's not wrong to fall in love with ur friends ex because you can't help who you love. Is it wrong to date ur friends ex? It depends on who is more important to you right now. People come in ur life for seasons and reasons. Will he be ur friend 4ever? Will u and her be 2gether 4ever? Will your friend be ur friend no matter what? Who knows? I think you have to think about what ur willing to risk. I hope I helped or at least made sense.
11 Oct 08
Of course you did. Loving is really risking. If there's only a way that we could determine if the guy's love is true, I'll definitely use that gadget. I've been through bad relationships too and I learned from them. I know how much it would hurt if I won't be careful this time. I don't also want to see my friends' poker faces if in case we'll fail to manage it right. Thanks for the advice!
10 Oct 08
It happened to me before, we became lovers with my bestfriend's ex and that's the reason that she and I lost our friendship until now! But I don't mind losing a friend for the sake of a lover or boyfriend. Because a lover can be your bestfriend at the same time as well. If you will listen to your friends they will always say something against it. Just follow your heart and you will be happy in everything you do.
• China
11 Oct 08
If your friend hate for the reason that you go out with her ex,i don't think she is your real friend.For this reason,it's unimportant to lose such a FRIEND. have a good day
@kun2349 (23464)
• Singapore
10 Oct 08
TO all others, it's always wrong to see your ex being close to your friend, or the another way round.. Though the relationship between them is over, but relationship and feelings are often very hard to catch.. They will still feel jealous, and that they might even think u are the one whom caused their break up, even though u two only started as frenz after they broke up.. Thus more than often, it will lead to frenz falling out with each other and alot more problems will arise becasue of that.. So, it's advisable to stay away as far as possible.. But for the 2 involve, like u now, will tend to find that actually it's nothing wrong.. Maybe u should try to put yourself in her shoes and feel, b4 u know why they are reacting that way, and u will be more clear ^_^
10 Oct 08
Hi Kun, Thanks for the comment. I don't think that my friend still has feelings for him since they had a good closure and she is now happily married with 2 kids. I think she'll be happy to see her ex ending up with me than to somebody else she hardly knows because she knows that I'll take care of him well. Anyways, I really appreciate your honest thoughts. Thanks and God speed!
1 person likes this
• Egypt
25 Jul 09
to yarababe1 I'm kindda like in the same situation, im in love wiz this girl that used to be the ex of one my best friends, and everyone keep telling me its wrong and that i'll betrayal my best friend, but he's already in another relationship and there is no way on earth that they will come back together, and she and i like each other... so hell with the world im gonna propose..... but definitely i will lose one of my best friends, right ???
@rea_02 (49)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
Love is unpredictable, you can't distinguished who are you going to love in your future, only time and God know about it. For me as long as both of you are not hurting anybody or making jokes with the feelings of others, its okay. Don't mid other people , you are big enough to know what is right or wrong and if you think you are not doing any wrong then fight for your feelings. don't let other people hinder your own happines as long as you have a clear conscience. Theres nothing wrong with that.
@enavnai13 (509)
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
well in my opinion, i think it's just fine... anyway that is your friend's ex. and take note of the prefix EX... so meaning, they are free to be with anyone they want to be.. and you are not an exception to it.. only that, people will think it's wrong.. it may sound like you have disrespected your friend but other than that, it's just okay... and you can't really avoid harsh and hurtful words when you get involve with him.. well for as long as you are happy, then follow what your heart desires..
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
12 Oct 08
I think most times it is hard for friends to understand why you would go out with someone they were no longer seeing. Mostly because they feel badly about the ended relationship or how he treated them. I am sure you know this. How would you feel - honestly - if the situation were reversed and your friend was getting friendly with your ex? That is how you need to approach it to understand how people may feel about it. If it were me, I would discuss it with my friend. You have to decide who is more important in this situation - your friend or her ex?
@felher08 (195)
• Philippines
12 Oct 08
I think not wrong to fall in love with your friend ex
@cjfoust (614)
• United States
11 Oct 08
In my opinion, things might seem all good now, but they may not end up that way. One of my best friends dated an ex of mine. This boy was like my first "love". We dated for two years on and off. We hadn't been together in about a year when they hooked up. At first I tried to play it cool, but after a while it really started to get to me. After they had been dating for about a month or so, she completely stopped talked to me. They were together all the time. I understand that's the way most relationships work so I still kept my cool. A few months into the relationship they got into a really huge arguement. They ended up having a really bad break up. I was still friends with him and to this day, I still talk to him, but since the break up was so bad, she didn't want to have anything to do with him ever again. Since I was friends with him, she stopped talking to me too. I haven't heard from her in YEARS.
• India
11 Oct 08
well this really depends on your feelings if it very much genuine, then nothing wrong but if its use and throw kind of policy, no sense in talking everything depends on you find if he is really a gem of a guy or just flirting around with you be very careful while selecting some one for you because you need to be life long with that person don't hurt yourself
@donn_juan (325)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
as the saying goes, 'follow your heart and you'll never go wrong'..well that's putting my self in your shoes you know..i do really believe in love and i loooooooooove happy endings.. if you're falling for your friend's ex then go with it.no one can tell you how you can be happy, and no one can make you happy the way you will be happy with that person you love. people reacting about your situation negatively are just maybe too old fashion to the idea of you falling in love with your friend's ex..as long as you're not stepping on someone else's toes,then be happy girl!everyone deserves to be happy..;0)
11 Oct 08
well.. I understand your friends reaction. they think it's wrong and they don't like this lad bacouse he's your friend ex. From the other hand if you really like him u shouldn't care about what other people think. Meet up with your friends and invite this lad .If they will talk thaey might realise he's not bad.
@Shandy14 (71)
• United States
11 Oct 08
This all depends..First of all how good of a friend is your colege friend? Does she know that U R chatting with her x? Would it matter to her? How long were they 2gether? As far as what your friends think, I would listen, but do what you think is best. There is nothing wrong in being friends with your friends x as long as it is on the up and up and there are no hard feelings. Most likely, your college friend has moved on and would not mind as long as her relationship with this guy was brief. If it was a long term relationship, then it might be a different story.. Best Wishes~
• China
11 Oct 08
Men are not food, how can be swallowed and thrown up.If you are wrong to go out with your firend's ex,how about other men who are other people's ex? Who ask people can not fall in love with the people's ex?Do all people married people who they loved first? Why don't you ask your friends these questions? have their bfs had never go out with other girls before they become a couple ?It's really unreasonable to say that. dear,just do what you like,it's not their business. support you happy posting
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
For me, it's wrong to do so especially if we were close friends. Obviously they'd still have feelings for one another. But if I'm really in love with the guy then there's nothing else to do. He is after all, he ex boyfriend already. So after a while I think my friend should be happy for both of us already if she's really a true friend.
• United States
11 Oct 08
It's a little weird but ex is ex and that's why they're ex. The friend need to get over it. If they love him then go back with him if not he's free to do whatever that he wants to do. I have had situation like this but ex are ex and people need a life too you know. No one belong to you anymore.
@Jestin (560)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
I think you should consider how your relationship with your friend is going to be. Your friend may say it's ok but it will be awkward for the three of you at times. Try to put yourself in her place. If another one of your friend starts dating your ex, how would you feel? If you have to meet them together, what would it be like? Try considering these things.
• Malaysia
10 Oct 08
Hi Yarababe1, it is not wrong to fall in love with friend's ex. Each individual is different, their relationship can't continue, it must with some reason. Since is already separated, why still bother who the next girl or guy? Who knows that really their true love? Love is so unique and special, it require both parties to develop that and it must with the perfect match so it can last longer. So, if the feel is there and both would like to further explore on chances together, ex or not ex does not even can consider a factor to worry. Go for it and see.
@adihindu (1922)
• India
10 Oct 08
As for me, people always tries to give their free of cost advises. You don't need to worry about them. If you are sure about what you are doing then go ahead. Don't worry about what others will say. They always murmer in back of you. They don't bouther whether you are doing good or bad.