you cannot deny and you cannot accept? you cry!

India
October 11, 2008 3:40am CST
i do not know how stupid this seems. but it it indeed true and something like this has happened. you like some one very much. but the person you love holds you guilty for some crime that you have not committed. things go such that you just bear the burden of that guilt without any protest. you do not complain. you bear everything in the fear that at least this way "he is near you". because you do not want to lose his company. you do not deny that you are not guilty because you will not be listened and fear that things may get more worse. you bear every thing and you cry..... you hide your cries and show your smiling faces to him. at least that way he is near me. seems that it is a obsession but what if there is this kind of love.? am i that destined!!
1 person likes this
2 responses
• India
13 Oct 08
Its often happens that someone who loves you very much would blame you for something to get you right. One who doesnt love you wont have an interest in doing so. I don't know what you were blamed for but i hope minor leg pulling do happen in love. The best thing would be that you copy your discussion content and mail it to him. If he really loves you he will definitely understand his folly. If he doesnt love you then theres no use punishing yourself.Meaning no harm hes not worthy enough for you then. May be it could have worked out if you had clarified yourself to him. Even i had such problems. I used to blame the one i loved. In fact i used to ask her to clarify. But, she never did respond to me. She didn't even respond to my sorry mails.I felt like she ignored me. So, i guessed it must be the end of it all. Just silence kills sometimes.It could have helped better if she had responded. But your story somewhat makes me to rethink. So, i guess it might also make him reconsider. Remember, the more guilt you take on yourself the more will be pressed on you. But, otherwise i respect your stance.I haven't heard of someone who loves so selflessly. I hope yours is a temporary problem and you regain your love...
• India
13 Oct 08
hello buddy ..... thanks that you have responded to me. hope that you remain in touch. well it is true that silence kills. buddy..... life is such that it makes you sees all sort of things that you have never dreamed of seeing. at least in your case you were confused ....may be for certain period of time that you may have her. then she ignored you. well on my part i am sure from the very beginning.... i know that i am never going to have him. never. but still i cannot stop myself from loving him and i cannot love anyone else. i know that i am ruining my professional life. i know that he is not worth of me. every time he needs something he needs me, every time he wants to scold someone e gets me, when no one listens to him then he finds me, and still he blames me for everything. sometimes i speak out...... but i never protest. i fear i may lose his presence. at least i have that and i think that they are very precious to me. i know that he will never understand why i was always near him........ still i wont protest. i wont. it may seem s bit childish.... in fact very childish. ... but what if it is so?i hope that you remain in touch.
• India
13 Oct 08
It doesnt seem childish to me though. Its over maturity. But never mind, such a thing is bad for you. I know how it feels to be in your boots. I used to spend every day just thinking she might reply to me the next day. On the next day i would again think may be she got some problems and will reply the next day. And days went away just waiting.I never got a reply. I even pleaded her to reply. It really really hurts. But, think of people who really love you, who really care for you. Think of your parents. They didn't ever want you to be so weak at heart. Just close your eyes and try visualize your near and dear ones. As long as he just mistreats you out of love its somewhat okay. But once he shames the person in you, you have a moral obligation to call it quits. It may feel harsh but thats the right way. Its sin to demean the person within oneself. Selfrespect and integrity are the biggest goods i feel. Nothing else counts. It took me long enough to understand that. Having said all these, i still understand how it feels. Love is so crippling you see. The heart never says quit. I still wish yours is not a quit. And he understands you...
• India
13 Oct 08
ya it is true. buddy you are showing me a big hope that never exists. before being on this site i have not spoken for ages. i feel a bit relieved after ..... may be barking out all that may appear nonsense. keeping that aside... i want to know if i can change my screen name. i fear some one joins tis site and gets to me and my discussions. and then reads them and all the hell will break. buddy you talk of letting the inner person live. i do not know what will be that life like. i have let my self get exhausted and used up emotionally. that "abuse" (... i fear to use that word .... but it is so!) has become so much a part of my life that thinking of something else other than that has become more tougher a task than walking to the top of mount everest. here there i am so much of the negative result that... i feel that i am living an mechanical life. ... just eating, sleeping and going to the college and crying at times and after that getting ready for bearing all those stupid things that .... i do not know... what and why? i always have the option of getting out of this "self created misery" but i never choose that . i even cannot make up my mind to know what i am writing... do they make any sense? .... but i am just doing that as i do everything else. there is so much to say... but still i do not know what i should say. i hope that listening to all these stupid things from me will not prevent you from being with touch. hope to listen from you soon.
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
11 Oct 08
To hold someonme guilty for something they did not do without hearing that persons side of the story would be shameful. You should speak up for yourself and defend yourself to him. He may respect you for defending yourself and this could bring him closer. If he does not then you never had him in the first place and never will and he is not the right person for you. You would be better off to seek another's love then to deny yourself affection and settle for a lesser kind.
• India
12 Oct 08
ya it is sad it makes the life miserable but at the same time things take such shape that you feel like it is better to be mistreated than not to be treated at all. i fear that things may get worse and i wont be able to remain with him if i speak to him and complain him. in a way i do not want to loose him at any cost. well thank you very much for responding. at least it gets light to talk to someone at least.