Do you care if your partner talks with an EX?

@tlb0822 (1410)
United States
October 16, 2008 1:09pm CST
Would it bother you if your partner talked to one of their ex's, if they didn't share any children? At first it bothered me when my fiance would talk to a few of his ex's. Now i just don't care. I realized that a relationship is all about trust. I realized that you have to talk to your partner, and let them know how you are feeling when it comes to these friendships. So would you care if your partner talked to their ex? When is it not acceptable?
1 person likes this
17 responses
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I would not be too thrilled with this.. Just know that... But, I know that I have nothing to worry about.. As, I am his baby momma.. So, she can never come any close to what I have..
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
16 Oct 08
My fiance and I also have a daughter together. Your mentality is exactly how I feel.
@jackiew (915)
• Canada
17 Oct 08
It would bother me if my partner talked to his ex unless they did share a child together. If they have no children together what would they need to talk about.I know i have no worries with my partner as he and i love each other very much and we do have trust with one another.I just don't feel its right. happy mylotting
• India
17 Oct 08
I can doubt my partner only if he goes wrong in some issues or if I don't trust him. If I trust him completely what's there in letting him speak with someone whom he knew before. I'd never care,as long as I trust him completely. After all the very basis of relationships stands on that quality,magic word-TRUST.
17 Oct 08
I dont mind so long as my partner dont mind me speaking with my exs.
@Tina999 (10)
• United States
17 Oct 08
I would probably be somewhat bothered if my partner was maintaining contact or involvement with an ex. To me, that would mean they were not totally an ex... since they remain part of the present rather than simply part of the past. If children were involved, it would be different as they would always have the need to co-parent and do so in a civil way. That's in the best interests of the child and shows they are a good parent. I think it's admirable to not have venom and spite for an ex... but not sure that the ex should be part of the present unless there is a real good reason outside of their past relationship.
• United States
17 Oct 08
I guess I would be kinda of jealous at first but since relationships supposed to be about trust anyway then you were right in trusting your partner. However, it is not acceptable if your partner is hanging out with that person a little too much or going places that are maybe not that appropriate for exs to go.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
17 Oct 08
I am not into any relationship. still I think i would not be very comfortable. actually I will always think about the thing the partner is keeping contact with ex, the feelings are boun to come sometime
• United States
17 Oct 08
I have a serious problem with his exes as the people they are, not entirely that they're his ex, I just can't stand who they are, how they are and things they did to my husband when they were together. I would be extremely uncomfortable with him talking to them.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Oct 08
No, I would not care at all. I would trust my partner because if I felt that I could not, then I would have to reconsider whether the relationship was good for me. I am one that is peaceful with my exes and so yes...I do talk to them friendly when we run into each other. I have moved on from the relationship and we don't call or get together....we are just friendly and civil. There are a couple of exes...where the relationship never went too far to begin with that I do still consider friends. They will come by on rare occassions for coffee just to chat. If I'm single ...we may even go out to dinner. They would never, ever consider being a burden to any relationship I may have going nor would I let them. I'm very open & honest when I'm in a relationship & I'd want the same. Such relationships would only be a problem for me if my partner were lying or meeting this person secretly. I'd feel it in my gut, i think if it were anything to be concerned about. The exes that I am still friendly with have moved on as I have. They would not be a threat to my relationship.
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
17 Oct 08
My partner (and myself also) are friends with one of his ex girlfriends. Her husband chats with the two of us also. We send emails, talk on the phone, send holiday cards etc. I see nothing wrong with it. She is happily married, and I would hope my guy is happy with me. I also am still in contact with a guy I was engaged to previously, but didn't marry. He is now happily married, just as I'm in a happy relationship. We stay in touch thru emails - usually about our kids or grandkids. He knows, as does my partner, that its nothing more than friendship. I see nothing wrong with this type of friendship. As for when its unacceptable? Well that would be secret phone calls or notes. Getting together alone for dinner, that type of thing. That tends to mean there is more to it then friendship alone.
• India
17 Oct 08
My paetner has no ex so i don't really know, but ia guess I will not mind as long as it is only talking.
@chiaeugene (2225)
• China
17 Oct 08
i would not feel good but i can take it. anyway, their relationship is over so i guess remaining as friends is alright. as long as she tells me about it and not keep me in the dark, then i am perfectly fine with it. I do not like it when i saw her sms him but she denied it when i ask her about it. although she may not want to worry too much by denying it but it only make matter worse since i knew about it which is why i ask her in the 1st place. i have some reserve and apprehensive about this issue as i got to know my wife now as a third party. she was with another man but ended up with me. so in a certain way, i believed i have certain rights to remain cautious.
@bugz03 (40)
• Japan
17 Oct 08
My partner don't really want to talk about the past especially on ex's. Maybe my partner doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She knew all about mine. That's why I kept on asking my partner about her ex's because it is where you will know your partner well. Talking about ex's doesn't mean they are still inlove with them. It is also advantage in your part because you will know his/her weaknesses in a relationship. So when you are sharing about your past you will be able to adjust with each other to avoid falling apart again. That's why talking about ex's of my partner doesn't really bother me at all.
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
17 Oct 08
I wouldn't worry so much. As long as he is open about and doesn't keep it a secret. If they have nothing to hide then tell me about it. But if you are not happy, tell him about what he should do or should not do. You must come to an agreement in relationship. Be understanding of each other. Then you'll have nothing to worry about.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Hey tlb, It's ok for a partner to talk to an ex as long as that is all they are doing. If you feel secure in your relationship and you know that your partner is just friends with his ex then there really is no reason to worry. As long as the ex is not interfering in your relationship it shouldn't be a problem. It is not acceptable if she is trying to cause problems between the 2 of you.
• Philippines
16 Oct 08
During our first few years of being husband and wife, i am uneasy of my husband's keep on communicating with his Ex's and and her family. It doesn't looks good to me,even though I am also there. His Ex's sister made Him a godfather to her daughter and attended it with me.He is very loved by her family. And during that time, i don't like the idea..But then after 8 long years of our marriage, i just figure it out that it was just a friendly invitation after all, since they are both married and have their own children. So today, i just don't care, since my husband is faithful with us.And I don't see any threat now. And besides my husband always gives us the security and assurance that me and my son are the two most important person to Him next to God.So why bother. It will only make me little older (lol)...
@Shar1979 (2722)
• United States
16 Oct 08
It does bother me a bit as i am a jealous person. I guess it depends on why he should talk to his ex. It bothers him if i talk to my ex so i would expect that he does the same to me. sometimes i really cant help it if he does talk to ex but he dont do it. the only ex he talk to is his ex wife coz of the kids