Is there a barrier on helping your children???

@belk89 (1103)
Philippines
October 17, 2008 10:15am CST
It makes me wonder if there is a barrier on helping your own child. I have been upset personally by my sister in law because i saw how she drag the family business down. My mother in law was depressed while talking to me on the phone. She was the one paying for her 3 credit cards and not to mention she also help even on her kids tuition and her court case. I feel really sad and i wish i can help her coz i love my mother in law. Shes such a sweet person and i dont know how could she have a daughter as irresponsible and selfish as my sister in law. She doesnt really deserved all this but i dont know how to talk to her either coz i know i might hurt her with the things ill say about her daughter. Guys is there a barrier of helping your children? honestly i am going to be a parent soon and i think there is also a barrier at to what extent youll help your children. She obviously have help my sister in law all this years and i wish she should stop supporting her but i dont know if she have the heart to do so. I am just afraid that they will lose completely there business and some of there savings because of her.I would appreciate a lot all your opinion. Happy mylotting everyone!
2 people like this
6 responses
@ljq897 (77)
• China
18 Oct 08
Yeah, there must be a barrier beteewn children and thier parents.Firstly children cant stand on the height of the parents to think any question.secondly,children cant have any skills and trancing to deal with any question with thier simply brain.so you must be a friend of children and step into thier world.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
Thanks for sharing your views, happy mylotting!
@Hatley (164191)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Oct 08
belk89 hi yes there should be astopping place where parents say look you are grown up now, you are an adult, I cannot keep 'help;ing you, you have to do it yourself. talk gently but firm;ly to yourmom in law, tellinghershe mustntlet the daughter eat up all her business money, that she must try to support herself now.Show her this discussion and suggest she abide'by some of our advice.lol
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
Hi hatley! thanks for sharing your views, i wish my mother in law can read all this opinion from different mylot members so she will realized that what she is doing is wrong. I know shes a good mom but sometimes you also have to be tough if you want your kids to learn a lesson everytime they commit mistakes. The problem with my sister in law is that she dont worry anymore of saving coz she knew her mom is there to help her out. I cant just understand how could she do that to her own parents. They are old already and it should be her turn to give back all the things they did for her instead of her giving them problem.
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
Yes there is a barrier to helping children. If the child is still at his or her tender years, teach her to talk, to crawl, to walk and many more. You give him food, provide her clothing and shelter and protect her to anyone who might hurt her. That is a mother or a father because they love their child. Because he or she is the living proof of their existence. As much as possible, they want to give all. But to give all is not right. Parents should give a chance for their child to grow. There is that space that parents cannot fill at all no matter how much they will try. A room for the child to grow by himself, to be independent and to discover his strengths and witnesses. Not everything about this life is learned inside the home. But I do admit that it starts at home with the parents. The role of parents are unending. But it has boundaries. Their child is not forever a child. He will naturally grow up. If parents will keep on helping their children, that child will be so poor in all aspects of his life in the future. Poor and unstable because he learned nothing but to be dependent on someone else. A mind setting that "MOM OR DAD WILL PROVIDE FOR ME." But what if one day, Mom or Dad will no longer be there? What if no one will lend a helping hand anymore? How will that son or daughter survive? Will that be the only time he will start to learn how to be independent and stand on his own. Love for children is not about giving all what they need or want. It is also enduring to see your child suffer pain or sorrow, disappointment so that they will learn from it. If parents will provide everything for their child, they are not really good parents.I might say, they don't love their children. They are selfish for not teaching and guiding their child.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
I like your point of view princess thinker, i wish my mother in law will read all this and somehow realized that she is not doing her a favor but she is helping her to become irresponsible coz everytime she is in trouble she knew my mother in law is there to help her out. Sometimes i wonder if she ever regret all those mistakes she made in her life coz she seem to learn nothing at all. All this time she was like a cripple who needs assistance on her parents. She is a grown up person and her parents is getting old. They need the money too for there retirement and i am afraid they will lost all there savings because of her.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
17 Oct 08
As a Christian, I believe that we are to "leave and Cleave". This means we leave our families of origin and cleave to one another when we grow up and get married. We become a new family when we are married. I know that other cultures have other customs than my own and I realize that many families in other parts of the world live together with their parents and grandparents etc. But I think there should still be boundaries. Also, there is such a thing as tough love. This is the kind of love you give when someone is not learning a lesson. Hslping people who continually learn nothing about how they got into certain circumstances time and time again, is really not helping but reinforcing them to keep making bad decisions. If you never pay the consequences, you never learn. But.................you can't make someone stop doing this. It may not hurt to talk to your MIL, but ultimately these are the choices she is making.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
You were right rocketj1, a person who is given help everytime she is in trouble will never learn any lesson in life. I am afraid one day she cant survived on her own if my mother in law is not there to help her out anymore. I just cant believe that a grown up women like her would still be asking money from her own mother instead of her giving back in return all the things her mom did for her throughout the years.
1 person likes this
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
8 Nov 08
its real hard to tell your children no but it could be a big mistake if she does not learn how to very soon .i sure would hate to see that family lose there bussiness.may be you could have your husband talk to her.you have to be really careful when you are aproaching a women about her children.
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
I'm a late bloomer myself because of my profession. I studied for almost ten years and while i did, i managed to find ways to help support my other needs like having a small scale business. There is no reason for dependency when you become an adult. The best thing for a mother to do to her children, is to teach them to become independent while they are young by involving them in family business and finances. Then, when they finish college or become adults, they should learn to spread their wings and earn on their own. The best way to do that is to stop parental support so that the daughter will be pushed to work.