Will you lose respect to FATHER if he is cheating on your MOTHER?

@andak2007 (3229)
Philippines
October 21, 2008 10:54am CST
This is our recent scenario at home and the first time that i have learned about it, i could not look at my father the same way and I was hurt, not only for me but for my mother, i bleed for the pain of my mother and somehow i want to confront my father about it. From time to time i can hear them argue and my mother will cry in front of us when father is not around and she would ask us what she will do. Actually, i am also hurt because i am a wife myself and i know the feeling. I have certainly lost my deep respect for him and somehow finding it hard to accept it...but we are like preparing for the worse...if he decides to leave for good then..we cannot anything about it...i just wanna be there always for my mother...she is also kind of slowly accepting things and we always tell her to get a life of her own instead of tagging along father always...its hard but its true.
4 people like this
31 responses
• United States
21 Oct 08
that recently happened to my aunt... I certainly never saw that one coming... its just weird when it happens, I dont think I could look at my dad the same way EVER again if he did that... and yeah I think I would have lost all respect for him... I mean thats just not right... I'm glad you are standing by your mother and encouraging her in case the worst happens, I hope he snaps out of it and begs her forgiveness for a long long long time... and is truely truely sincere about it... I highly highly doubt the grass is greener where he is at.
2 people like this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
some say that it is just a midlife crisis going on but i doubt it...and he is losing more money because he is dating younger women..even younger than me and almost the age of our youngest sister...well if really decides to walk away its his choice.
@Humbug25 (12551)
21 Oct 08
Hi there andak2007 My father too had an affair with another woman whilst being married to my mother. I was 10 at the time and my brothers 11 and 13. My dad just left and moved in with the other woman but later broke up but by then my parents had got divorced anyway. My dad did treat my mum quite badly but when I was 17 they got back together and then split up again a couple of years after that. I stopped talking to my dad when I was about 22 because it was too much hastle and he started to infuriate me with his antics. I only recently started talking to him again at the begining of the this year. A lot of time has past, I have forgiven him but not forgotten what he has done but our relationship is pretty good now.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
my parents always fight about it and i believe that if they cannot tolerate each other anymore then why live together right?
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
22 Oct 08
Absolutely, I think they are definately better off without each other. They can both get on and do what they want to in life!
• United States
21 Oct 08
As much as you won't want to hear this- this problem (issue) is your parents not yours. You should be there for your mother but that's all you can do. As for your father- I am sorry to hear that he would do sucha thing. I do think I would have a diffcult time if my father ever did something like this- but while I would be angry for a while- I don't like that I would love him any less. There are many things that go on in a relationship that those out the outside know nothing about and as such it requires us to try and remian objective to each side. Be there for her and for him (if your father has realized what a mistake he has made- he will need you too). Good luck to you.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
right now i just pity my mother...and i feel angry to my father.
• United States
21 Oct 08
I understand completely that you are angry with your father- that is to be expected. I just wanted you to know that when and if he realizes what a big mistake he has made- he will need for you to find forgiveness in your heart for him so that everyone can work through this very tough time. I wish you all the luck.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Its a hard thing to deal with I know. My Dad also cheated on my Mom. But, I figured it was their business and tried to stay out of it as much as possible, while still supporting my mom thru it. They did end up divorced many years ago. For a few years my Dad and I didn't talk when he went his own way. But eventually we got to talking again and now have a really good relationship. We both just never bring up the past.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
yes we the children do not mess up with it...it is their own problems i am always there for my mother.
@snoopy88 (452)
• Australia
22 Oct 08
Hi, that scenario of yours had exactly happened to my family few years ago. I did feel angry at my father but as time goes by, you'll realise that he will always be your father and this fact cannot be change. For me, I eventually respect my father and i deeply feel bad for my mum. The past few years have been very tough for my mum with her crying sometimes at the beginning. Now, she had move on. To me this experience finally gave me the answer that having the family as a whole is very important and you must treasure it. Sometimes when I think about it, i wish my mum and dad is together and be one happy family again but I know it's quite impossible now and i regret i didn't treasure the moment we were together as a whole family. Hope your family is doing well, whether your mother want to accept it or not.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
i know that anytime this thing will errupt and eventually our lives will be changed forever i just wish that my father will realize the damage that he has done to his children...i know he is no longer happy and i know that nothing will ever change the fact that he is still my dad. As i have said i will stick it out to my mother...she needs us more.
• United States
22 Oct 08
What's missing at home for him to stray? Is it possibly the male ego thing or is there deeper problems between your parents than you hear about? I watched my mother become the boring, bossy, fuddy dud woman who showed my dad very little attention unless he was handing her money and often wondered why she acted that way. Most of the time, there is two sides to every story. Look at your mom, then look at your dad and you might just see what he sees and figure out what's causing part of the problem. No man wants a woman that other men wouldn't be attracted to and vice-versa. Yeah, it's wrong for him to be running around on her. But is she doing anything to make him want to be at home with her? It takes two to make it or break it!
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
yes there is always two sides of the story..but is that reason enough for the husband to cheat on the wife? husband also gets fat, turn boring and with lots of vices but wife do not complain and still stay loving and faithful to husband.
@rebarz04 (12)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
Yah.. i will lose my respect to my father if he will cheat on my mother... because it is so painful when my mother cry in front of us..
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
it is rather heart breaking..and that scene will forever be in my mind.
• India
22 Oct 08
I am sorry to hear about this problem of yours. It may probably just pass off with time. I suggest some introspection on teh part of your mother to see what wnet wrong. if there was some mistake, there is no harm in atoning for it. if the outer pull is so strong, then of course nothing can be done. Best is to get ready for a different life and be prepared to face life as it comes.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
this is a habitual cheating and has been going on even when i was still little..it is only recently that i get to know details about the affairs because all of us kids are now grown up and already married that my mom can share her problems with us.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
Yes I do, even if it is not my father, my hubby's dad is also a womanizer and my mother in law and him have long been separated, and him too, I kinda have less respect for him. As for my father, he had abandoned us for long, more than 10 years and aside having a mistress, he did a lot of things to my mother that made us feel nothing for him, not even hate, to us he is nothing, just a man who gave a sperm to my mother. You said that your father cheated on your mom? at this age? Oh I can say how hard it would be for your mom, just stay beside her.. When my mom and my father separated we just stay beside our mother I hope in the end all be well..
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
my father will turn 50 next year and to think that their marriage will turn 30 next march and i am supposed to plan a big celebration on their wedding anniversary but then things really getting worse...so i think i have to change my plans and just focus on my mother and how i can make her feel special.
• United States
21 Oct 08
I actually lose respect to ANYONE who cheats. However, i've also lost respect for my father. When my sister and I were babies, he was cheating on my mom. So, here's this mother that has twin baby girls and a husband that's running around on her. She was extremely heartbroken. Now, fast forward a couple of years. It became apparent that my dad hasn't stopped cheating. We found a necklace and a ring in the family car. None of it belonged to us. Did we confront him about it? Yeah, we did. However, he just denied it. I do believe he still is cheating, and I don't respect him- but because he is my daddy, I do love him.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
yeah they just deny when it really is very obvious...but how can you love without respect?
@zandi458 (27947)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 08
Mid life crisis is an unavoidable incident that happen to all men. You can't stop them from having affairs or leaving home. It seems that they can't accept the truth they are aging and would want to feel young and free. They are rewinding the past years and start all over again with younger women, going on dates which makes them feel young again. My dad did the same thing to my mom. He left home and started a new life in a new place, took a mistress and never return home to see my mom or spend his final years with his grandchildren. He never allowed us his children to come to his new place not until he was hospitalized after a stroke that we managed to look after him until he passed away. The mistress left him after swindling all his money and left him penniless. My mom have to come up with all his medical fees as he was left nothing except for his monthly pension for my mom. Luckily my mom inherited properties from her parents which did not affect her financial standing except maybe a broken heart from the separation.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
i wish that things like that will not happen to my own father.
@desireeo (595)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
We in the same predicament but we have lost a little respect for our father even before he committed the deed. He doesn't have a job but for me it's not really a big deal if he only knows how to help out in little ways. It started when he had a stroke and he had changed immensely from then on. He can't always make his illness an excuse coz my mother really took care of him and he's back in good shape. We're not asking him to provide for us-we're so used to the idea of our mother feeding the whole family-but he should at least contribute and not add up to the burden. When i say contribute, I didn't mean money coz as much as we need it right now we understand his not being capable of earning much. His womanizing is the final blow to everything. With your situation, perhaps your mom should just let go if the situation keeps getting worse. If your dad doesn't show a sign of promise that he's gonna change what's the point of continuing to live together. See, he's got a grown-up kid already (you) and he should have at least consider the humiliation that he puts you through by taking another woman. It's very common with old guys. What kind of message will he be giving to your own kids? Time will get these kind of people. Know what, even if my father is a pain in the neck and a source of humiliation for the family, I don't hate him. I know I will still take care of him when he gets really old coz who else will take care of him? No matter how much we look at it, they're still our father. No matter how painful.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
21 Oct 08
my father is the breadwinner of the family..he is a very good provider but is that reason enough for him to look for another younger woman?in your case...well that is another story..how come he is still womanizing when he already got stroke once and no income of his own?i do not hate my father, somehow i just look at him differently.
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
In my opinion, yes i will. But afterall he is still your father. And no matter what things happen, reality remains. All of us are not perfect. All of us are just human. I guess, you need to talk with your mother and your father also. Try to ask what is wrong with the two of them. And why your dad did that things to your mother, so you will understand others side and it needs to be fair...
@kkanaka (887)
• Singapore
22 Oct 08
It must be really hard on you, I think I will surely lose respect for my father if this kind of thing happens, its nice to hear you are being a good support to your mother, she will need it, that's the best you can do... one day your father will realise his mistake, by then it would be too late.... tell your mom to just let go and not to take it to her heart, tell her to engage herself in some new hobby or meditation or anything to divert her, she should not be the one crying over spilled milk, its not worth it...
• Malaysia
22 Oct 08
I will definitely lose respect for the father. A close friend of mine was having this problem too. Her father has someone outside and the mother found out. She confronted him and he admitted, but she gave him another chance. Fortunately, he changed after that and realized he's at fault. Things started to turn well. And guess what, few years later, they went to a fortune teller and the fortune teller told the husband that many years ago, his heart went elsewhere but fortunately he came back. Otherwise, his life will end up in a total mess.
1 person likes this
@matt0707 (43)
• United States
22 Oct 08
If my dad cheated on my mom, I don't think I would ever talk to him again, or at the very least I would lose all respect for him, and that goes for my mom if she cheated on my dad.
1 person likes this
@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
21 Oct 08
Wow, I must say that I'm sorry to hear about that. I do not like to see or hear of anyone being hurt. My father did cheat on my mom. I was very small so I do not remember any of it, but whenever she even speaks about it today you can hear the pain in her voice. She said that she never really got over it, and that was over 40 years ago. I love my dad and I would not take anything for him. I can see how you could lose respect for him because he hurt someone that you care about very deeply, but at the same time I would say that you have to forgive him and move on.
1 person likes this
@CAdreamer (118)
• United States
21 Oct 08
I myself don't know what this is like with my parents. They have been married for 35 years and never strayed from each other. When I think about what I would do, I think I would be hurt cause they have always been an example to us. I myself have been cheated on by men I was with. I know that there are always two sides to every story. I would definately go to the one who was cheating and try to find out why. I would want to hear from them. I don't think I would lose respect for the cheating party cause I would then see my father or mother as human instead of just my parents. I wouldn't take sides as they are both my parents and we all make mistakes. I have made my share of mistakes. I would be hurt thought cause then I would have to change my view that I had of my father, but I would still love him and know that it wasn't against me. Sometimes people just shouldn't be together any more.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 08
awww, this is a very sad scenario, but to your quesstion. if my father did that to my mother...yes i would lose all respect for him, because he not only hurt your mom but he has hurt you all also. I get really angry when men cheat on their wives because they think it's easy just to run off with some other women, but they don'nt understand the self hurt that the wives go through. I think you do need to confront your father about this. tell him how you feel and soforth. Also you need to pray for him and your mother. pray that God will give her strength and soforth. hope this helps
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
i sympathize with you, it would really hurt me if my father had done that to my mother. i dont know if i would lose respect in him or not. But you're right, your mom needs a life of her own. and its a good thing that you're there coz she needs someone to lean on right now.