Have you ever felt like a lousy parent? Tell the truth!

@miamilady (4924)
United States
October 22, 2008 5:10pm CST
I have! Right now, I am going through something that is truly putting me to the test. My son is suffering from "school phobia". I am doing what I think is right, to help him, but it's one of those situations where there is no simple answer but there is plenty of advice to be heard from caring friends and relatives. There are times in life when I have gone through things with my kids that have made me second guess myself quite a bit. Are there things that you have dealt with as a parent, where you second guessed your decisions or actions?
4 people like this
13 responses
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
25 Oct 08
There have been times that my kids (26 and 20) will say to me that make me think that I should have made a different decision. Like, we moved this many times in so many years...If we hadn't moved this wouldn't have happened type of stuff...Well then I think I let them down and if we wouldn't have moved then they would be happier...I've thought about it alot and come to the conclusion that I did the best I could for the situation we were in....and if we hadn't moved then I am sure something else would have come up..So I don't dwell on it.... I don't think I've felt like a lousy parent..just a person who tried to make the right decision at the time...no regrets... I am sorry that your son is having this fear...All you can do is your best..You know your son better than anyone, and you will figure out how to help him...Trust yourself and know that you are making the best decision you can with what you have and what you know.....It is easy for others to tell you what to do, because they are going through it..Take it day by day and things will get better.. Hugs to both of you....Keep your chin up and things will be okay...
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
25 Oct 08
Because they are not going through it..
@suspenseful (40314)
• Canada
23 Oct 08
Why? Do you think I would lie? I have been a good parent, but because I am an adoptive parent have wondered if I had given birth to my sons, whether I could have done different. You know, you let them get away with things because you do not want to be the big meanie. I should have been more strict as to when my husband wanted them to go to the bar as an initiation on their eighteenth birthday. NOw we do live in Canada, and that is the minimum age, but maybe I should have put my foot down. And when they were youngsters, tell them be home at a certain time and do not go from one friend's house, or make sure your room is clean.
23 Oct 08
Yep. Most of the time I don't know what I'm doing that I'm running like a headless chicken... I remember telling myself when I was young that I'm going to be the best mom ever, but now with me trying to juggle loads of stuffs all the time, sometimes it can be very tiring and confusing and even depressing.
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I think every parent feels that way at one time or another. My oldest was very smart in school but prone to lies. When she was in high school she constantly fought the rules or lied about what she did. She took my car one night and denied it even though the radio station was changed, the gas was down and the odometer had more miles on it. Then she decided to move out after graduation (with her boyfriend) and ended up getting pregnant.She lasted only one year semester in college. Then my son got in with a bad crowd his freshman year and got in trouble with the police. I often wondered what I had done wrong since they both ignored the home rules and everything else. Also my younger daughter used to cut school a lot so the principal became speed-dial pals. As it turned out the younger one has become the best adult and my son has still had to work on his relationships. The oldest has grown into a good mother but she still thinks of life as revolving around her.
@AmberX5 (61)
• Italy
23 Oct 08
Every week, at least 1 day i feel i am a lousy parent. My eldest son is slowed in speaking and I have to bring him to lesson. The expert there is making me feel lousy and incapable. After the lesson, I am exhausted in emotion. They keep telling me to play with my son and talk to them repetitive. To me, playing with my son toys, cars & brick seem to be a work n no fun at all. I have no choice but follow it and i hate the program.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Unfortunately no one is perfact and that includes parents..I have four kids and I can think of too many times I have failed..And the only thing you can do is say your are sorry and hope they can forgive and go on. As for your son having "school phobia", what do you mean by that? He has an actual fear of the school? The building/students/or teachers? That sounds like he needs to talk to a counselor who can determine where this fear is coming from and then work with him to deal with this fear.
• India
23 Oct 08
Yes, I have often felt like a lousy parent. Many times when the situation has been such that in hindsight, I think I was the child then, immature, demanding, sulking, creating unnecessary tantrums. My 9yr old son is not exactly mature enough mentally for his ageā€¦approaching adolescence he is most of the time contradictory and conflicting in his beliefs and assertions. I know this is the time I should keep my cool and befriend him more, but many a times I just cant handle it the proper way and such incidents are increasing day by day. I promise myself to be more patient and more tolerant but I just cant. And the fear of failure as a parent lurks more often at the back of my mind than ever before. Yes, I do feel like a lousy parent these days.
@pismeof (855)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Miami,I'd like to wish you best of luck and hope you stay strong and insist that your child go to school.If you permit him to stay out it will reflect on future such decision making and he'll become a quiter whenever life gets tough. I'm also struggling with a decision to have a website removed that my son created on utube .It won't make me very popular but a parent must do what is necessary.
@roniroxas (10574)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
i will tell the truth, yes. i felt like that before already and i know that i will still feel that feeling. i am a single parent of four children and sometimes it is so frustrating not to be the best parent a child could have but instead they have to have a lousy parent instead. it is not easy to be a mom and a dad and if i am a good mom i am not a good dad. it is hard to balance things specially when they are much younger
@delmeg10 (112)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I am a new mom to my wonderful 4 month old son. But, let me tell you, sometimes when I have a ton to do around the house, I feel so bad putting him down to cry. Between the dishes, laundry, cooking, showering and cleaning up the house, I feel like there just isn't enough hours in the day. And since he's my first baby, I feel SO guilty leaving him to cry! :(
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
22 Oct 08
Consistancy. At the end of a long, tiring day when he's throwing tantrums because he can't play with the phone (my husband fears he'll dial 911 or china) or the remote, I let him do these things. There not huge, he won't hurt himself, but it shows him that I will give in when faced with certain inappropriate behaviours at certain times. As a mom of an older child - any suggestions!
@Shar11 (419)
• United States
22 Oct 08
I think every parent experiences some doubt and regret regarding decisions they have made with thier children... We are only human. We will make mistakes, learn, and continue on to do the very best we know how. There will never be a shortage of friends and relatives putting thier two cents in. Lots of times they truly are just trying to help but it can add to the feelings we sometimes have about not being good enough. As a parent myself now, I can look back and see some mistakes my parents made raising me.. But you know what...I turned out ok:) I wanted to be such a good parent when my first child arrived that I over analysed things way too much.. I felt guilty all the time and you know what? She sensed this and figured out how to make the most of it to get what she wanted lol.. It's ok to sometimes question our decisions and even change our minds. In the end a little questioning only goes to show that we are truly always thinking of our kids best interest and doing everything we can to make them turn out ok! But at the same time, you have to learn to forgive yourself too.. To remember you are only human and to remember even the other parents you know that you look up to or admire.. they make mistakes too! Trust your gut..follow your heart, and you'll more often than not make the best decisions and choices for your child and yourself
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Oh heavans, yes! I have a school related thing right now that I am second guessing myself about. I call it mommy guilt. I am constantly wondering if I could have done a little better with this or that. We try our best and sometimes we have to just do what we know or what our gut tells us. I think it is very healthy to stop once in a while to take stock and question how we are doing. I take comfort in the belief I have that our mommy instincts almost never fail us. I believe they fail us only when we don't take the time to really listen to them.