What would you do if your 18 year old daughter decided she wants

@ausnikki (4055)
Brisbane, Australia
November 7, 2006 3:08am CST
to live in another state? My daughter has gone to another state for a holiday and I have just had a conversation on MSN with her and she wants to stay there and get a job ;(.I want her to come home but she informed me she is 18 and can do whatever she likes.What would you do?
5 people like this
28 responses
• South Africa
7 Nov 06
Well she is 18 now and a lot of us has been through that stage.And 90% of us end up coming home after 1 year or 2. She has finished school let her explore the world. My sister is also 18 and is going to the UK next year for 1 year to work there and to see the rest of the world. Dont panic.She is and will always be your daughter and you her mother.
4 people like this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
7 Nov 06
Thank you for your response,it made me feel alot better *hugs*
3 people like this
• India
7 Nov 06
She is a major as she is 18 Yrs old . And there is no point in forceing the issue on her . Best thing you cab do is sit down and talk to her and find out what is that thing which is making her to take such drastic decision. Keep your cool when you talk to her
4 people like this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
7 Nov 06
I can't sit her down and talk to her because she is in another state,the best I can do is MSN,thanks
3 people like this
• Australia
7 Nov 06
all you can do is abide with what she wants and support her. let her know the door is always open for her to return. good luck
4 people like this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
7 Nov 06
Thanks I have done that.
3 people like this
• Netherlands
7 Nov 06
If that's what she really wants to do, I would not go against it. That will only cause her to dig in deeper. Instead keep the communication going and offer advice. You need to know what's going on in her life and she needs your love and support. Let her know that no matter what, she can always count on you or change her mind.
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
7 Nov 06
Thank you for the advise.
3 people like this
@lectricky (681)
• United States
7 Nov 06
Well, 18 year olds can be stubborn! I'd say let her stay, because she most likely will come back home as soon as the novelty factor wears off.
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@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
7 Nov 06
I hope you're right,I'm not happy with her decision
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
26 Nov 06
I would support her all the way I would not like it but we all know that out Kids grow up and we have to let go as much as it hurts but you know one thing for sure if she does not like it she will come back and you will be there for her
3 people like this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
26 Nov 06
That's true,she knows she always has a home with me.At least she is coming home for a few days over Christmas,and I get to meet her boyfriend.
4 people like this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
26 Nov 06
Thats great and I hope you like him I can see you will be having a lovely Christmas I know it is hard to let go but we have to wether we want to or not as they will always be our Babies lol
3 people like this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
26 Nov 06
Yes,they will always be our babies lol.I hope I like her boyfriend too,as he is the reason she decided to stay.It will be a great Christmas,I am actually looking forward to it now.
3 people like this
@rosebug23 (1909)
• Australia
27 Nov 06
I know how hard it is but just consider yourself lucky she is still in Australia .My 18 year old daughter went went to England for a holiday and lived overseas for 8 years before she came home,she still lives in a different state but she is in Aust.so i can see her easier.She got married and had both her children overseas. You really have to let her do what she feels is best for her.I have always agreed with the saying we only have our children on loan.All you can do is support her and let her know that you are there for her,if she leaves home thinking you are not happy with her decision she will be hesitant to call you or come home if it doesn't work out.It is so hard to let go but now you will discover just what a good job you done as a parent
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
27 Nov 06
Thank you rosebug.That is good advise.I wasn't happy about it at first but she is in constant contact which is good.I have given her my support and she knows she has a home to come back to if need be.
2 people like this
@tambdy (1969)
26 Nov 06
i dont know i am dreding when that happens to me.
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
26 Nov 06
Let's hope it doesn't happen.
3 people like this
@helloohie (559)
• Pakistan
27 Nov 06
I think you should allow her to remain there, continue your conversation on MSN with her and let her decide that if she want to come home, meanwhile you can visit her in that state if your financial condition allows you to do so, to make sure that she is living in safe environment. You can also ask her to remain visiting you so that you may not feel alone.
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
27 Nov 06
Thank you.I can't visit here at the moment as my financial circumstances won't allow it.She will be home for a few days at Christmas,so I'm looking forward to that!
2 people like this
@stailgate (2363)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I would try and convince her to come home, but if she really wants to, then I would support her as much as I could. She is 18, and old enough to live out on her own. If she says that she is going to get a job and that, it sounds like she at least has a start of where she is going in life. I would be proud of her. More then likely she will end up back in her home town, but for now, let her be 18, and and support her the best you can. Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do as a parent but remember she is always your little girl. Show your support and help her look for a place to stay, and then go and visit her while giving her a little house warming gift. She will never forget it.
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
20 Jan 07
I just found out my daughter has a job now,so she is definitely staying.
1 person likes this
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
2 Jan 07
I would encourage her to spread her wing's sooner or later she will come home. They alway's do. Good luck my friend
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
2 Jan 07
She has been there for about 2 mths now.She has said she will be back for a holiday to see me and the new house in February,I hope she does as I miss her!
1 person likes this
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
13 Dec 06
Moving House - Moving House
This is a tough time for you ausnikki although a month has elapsed since this first came up you might be accepting on your daughter's decision. Some suggestions for you. Give her your love and support, and tell her those two things regularly. There will possibly come a time when she needs some financial assistance, give what you can afford the first time but make sure she knows she has to pay it back and set up some sort of time schedule. You might decide that after she has paid a little back, that you will let her off with the rest. She will now learn that she has to cook, clean, wash, iron, work plus she will want to spend time with the boyfriend and sometimes there isn't enough time to do all of these things. Being independent is wonderful but also brings responsibilities as well. Our son first left home at 18 to go to uni, but we still saw him regularly. Then he started work but for the past 4.5 years has been wandering around the world, although he does come home every couple of years. When he is overseas, I talk to him on MSM plus we also talk on the phone every couple of weeks, either we phone him or he calls us. Plus from time to time I send him a simple text message "love you always", for no particular reason other than the fact that I am his mother and I can do and say what I damm well like. LOL Remember she is only a phone call away and she still needs to know that she has a home whenever she wants to come back to it, whether that is on a permanent basis or for a visit.
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
14 Dec 06
Hi there,I have told my daughter I support her decision.That doesn't mean I have to be happy with it lol.I do talk to her on a regular basis and let her know that I love her and miss her.She knows she will always have a home with her mum :)
1 person likes this
@baysmummy (1638)
• Australia
1 Dec 06
My son is only 4 so please dont think that i am trying to be an expert because i am far from it, i am just going from my own personal experience's! Ok well 18 years old think that they are always right and no harm will ever come to them and they tend to have a own of there own, I say i know it isnt easy but you need to chill abit and let her do her own thing and if that is to live in another state and work then allow her to do that give her your blessing but make sure she knows that give something bad happens and she needs to return home then she is welcome to, I bet that she will see how hard it is in the real world with paying bills and all the rest and she will be back before you know it. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
1 Dec 06
Thank you for your response.I have let her know there is always a home for her with me.She can be very stubborn so I decided the best thing to do was to give her my blessing.
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10395)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Ouch!!! I would be torn up if my daughter wanted to move to another state. But I did the same at the age of 16! Mind you I didn't have a good relationship with my mother anyways. Hang in there honey!!! As for what to do...I agree. Let her move there. Love her and support her decision. Because if at any point she feels she needs to come back and needs your help, she will turn to you if you just offer her love. Be sure she knows that you don't want to see her go but you will not make her stay. And if she ever needs you, she knows where to find you. Hey....and it is ok to cry. That is your baby moving. When you are done crying it out, you will be ready to help her pack her stuff. My heart feels for you!
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@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
29 Nov 06
I was pretty torn up,but have resigned myself to the fact that she has done it, and there is nothing I can do to change her mind.I have had a good cry believe me!I will have to pack her stuff soon anyway because I am moving.She will be coming to visit a couple of days after Christmas and she will decide then what she wants to take back with her.
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@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
29 Nov 06
i would let her go..i mean, she is an adult now and can make her own choices, even if you dont approve of them. she will have to leave home eventually, so why not let her do it now? im sure she'll come home to visit sometimes..and you can still communicate with her, but i guess she just wants to start a new life. im 22..and moved to europe in august for grad school. my mom wasnt happy about it, but she knew its what i wanted..so she let me go. maybe i will go back to the US eventually, but im not planning on it anytime soon..
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@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
29 Nov 06
I know you're right.I miss her is all.
@CMC122003 (316)
• United States
29 Nov 06
Well she is 18 and she can do whatever she wants. You have to let her experiance things for herself. Let her stay and you know what she'll realize it's hard and she'll come home. At that age they think life is easy and they need to learn that it's not.
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
29 Nov 06
That's true...I'm just being a mum,I miss her!
@sbobby (86)
• India
27 Nov 06
I'll will not send her out of town.
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
29 Nov 06
I did NOT send her out of town.It was her choice.
@peizli (1000)
• Australia
27 Nov 06
Hi ausnikki, i read all the responses and agree with them. I'm sure she's a sensible girl. Going to dread that moment myself. One minute they're babies, next, ping! they're out the door, where does it go? Good luck with everything!
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
28 Nov 06
She is a sensible girl,so I'm not too worried about her.I just don't like her being so far away.Thanks for the luck.
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@caramello (4381)
• Australia
27 Nov 06
It was hard enough when my daughter moved out of home at 18, but she was not that far away, interstate is a bit different, I guess wish her well and keep in touch, and hope that maybe she comes back soon! Homesickness may step in here!
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
27 Nov 06
I'm so hopeing homesickness steps in.Having her interestate makes it very hard,it's not like I can pop in for a coffee and check on her.I keep in touch as much as I can.
1 person likes this
@Kelian (768)
• Trinidad And Tobago
27 Nov 06
Well, if you believe she has the sense to live on her own then you can probably let her try it out with an open invitation to come back home whenever she wishes. The experience of being far from the nest may be good for her since she’s growing up and needs to eventually become independent. All you can do is hope you raised her right and that she can take care of herself. But always have that door open. If you’ll miss her too much, let her promise to always come home to visit for special occasions like thanksgiving and Christmas.
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@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
27 Nov 06
Thank you,that's good advise.She knows she will always have a home woth me.
1 person likes this