About to lose a great friend
By Munhozmib
@munhozmib (3837)
Sao Paulo, Brazil
October 23, 2008 7:21pm CST
Hello, all!
I am feeling really bad. I had this friend, a girl, for a long while. She was one of my greatest friends, but then we got away from each other. No harms nor anything, we just got into different groups. Now, I was trying to go back to get her friendship, because I feel guilty for having lost it.
It seems like she doesn't care about me. I mean, when I talk to her she is pretty nice to me, as always. But we can't spend a lot of time together, it seems like she is always surrounded. I have told her that she never speaks to me, which is true: if I don't go to her, she will not come to talk to me.
I feel bad. She says I'm boring because I'm always saying that I am apologizing all the time for something that I haven't done. In fact, I thought I had done something bad, then I said sorry for whatever I could have done.
How do I gain her friendship back? It's hard to talk to her knowing that she is always with somebody else. Though, she doesn't seem to be so happy with somebody else by her side. She used to be way happier when we were always together.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
4 people like this
16 responses
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
You can always talk to her when she is alone. It would be much better so that her attention is only to you. You can walk her home after school if you want to. You can also talk to her during weekends. Communication is very essential in friendship. Without communication, you and your friend feel further apart. You must always have time to communicate. Try to find some time. Fifteen to thirty minutes a day will do.
3 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
24 Oct 08
Yes, I know what you mean. It seems like she is blocked from me, sometimes. It's like if there was a huge barrier which kept me away from talking to her. But I gotta be better, I must try harder and talk to her. Thanks for your response, I'll do better to talk to her.
1 person likes this
@summertymesboutq (146)
• United States
24 Oct 08
I am new to the discussion boards but I love commenting on certain topics. I am sorry that you are going through this, then too what am I sorry for? I see exactly what your friend is saying. You have to stop apologizing when there is no harm done by the way which shouldn't classify you as boring. I would say caring because anyone that apologizes for everything they say or does has to care about a person's feelings. If this lady is truly a friend she will snap out of whatever has her acting this way. Believe me true friends are friends forever. If so happen she does not come around, find some new friends to hang out with, in new places and do new things.
Good Luck
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
I know what you mean. If we are real friends, then all I have to do is wait a bit and she will come back to talking to me.
Thanks for your response, and welcome to myLot! :D
1 person likes this
@daydreamer20 (1688)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
People do change with time. You cannot change that. The fact that you don't change does not mean others around you will not change too. Just be a normal friend for now and don't expect too much. It's better to remain a friend than not remaining as a friend at all. So get on with your life and stay cheerful and positive. Being positive will attract more positive people to your side. :) Good luck.
This happened to me many times ago. I was sad, but life goes on and I have my new friends too. :)
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
My life will not be stopped for losing a friend. I'll be positive and maker her feel nice around me. Then she will come back as a great friend. Thanks for sharing your opinion.
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
maybe, if you're with her, you could ask her the reasons why she seem so cold to you, but be prepared for whatever her reasons maybe, whether good or bad.
and if she really doesnt want to tell you, maybe then, its about time that you should also find other new friends so you can move on.
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
She says she is not being cold. Perhaps it's just me, or perhaps it's because we have been so far from each other...
1 person likes this
@swarovski87 (328)
• Singapore
24 Oct 08
Hi, i feel sad for you as losing a great friend really hurts. I would suggest you to get back this great frienship that you have, maybe you can trying talking to her on the phone or online. It is the best that you talk to her alone so that it will be more sincere and easier for you. I guess u are not boring as she have said because she used to be happier with you when you were together. good luck pal~
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
I called her a few days ago. She is pretty gentle with me in the phone, just like she used to be. But the thing is on face to face, she is not the same person with me. It always seems I'm not included in the list of her people that she would like to give attention to.
1 person likes this
@june50 (111)
• China
24 Oct 08
you shouldn't say too many apoligize to her, if she don't like it. but you should tell her how you cherish your friendship with her and hope you can be good friends as before. if she say nothing, you can be quiet but care for her when she need help. you will always be her friend please let her know this.
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
I will make sure she knows I'll be by her side when she needs it. I guess that's what we all expect from a friend. :D
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
24 Oct 08
[i]Hi mun,
I guess you just need to invite her so that you can spend a lot of time together wherein you can build the friendship again and at the same time, you can both clarify what happen in the past and try to work better for the friendship..
That is the best thing to do for me since as you have mentioned, she is always with other friends![/i]
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Oct 08
munhozmib I am sorry to say this but when a girl tells you
you are boring it usally means she wants to end things,or'else she is simply a bit shallow and has to have a dozen guys around her to make herself feel really important. If I were you I wou ld look around for a girl friend who pays strict attention to you as you deserve it. you sound like a really nice person and your
girlfriend is not obviously doing right by you at all. If you think she is still worth it pick a time when she is alone and talk to her without apologizing at all, also make it clear that you feel she ought to come to you once in awhile as real friends do do that. I think you deserve better than her myself.
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
24 Oct 08
Hello, Hatley.
Thanks for your response. In fact, she is a pretty nice girl. She has her bad points, but I feel in love with her before. She didn't want me as a boyfriend, but later on she said she regreted saying no. She IS worth, she was a hell of a friend!
If I talk to her normally through Internet she will reply normally. But when it comes to talking face to face it's hard to find a time for ourselves. =/
1 person likes this
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
26 Oct 08
There is a reason people come into our lives... whether it is for them to learn from us, or vice versa, or both. People change, their interests change. It is all a part of life. You can try talking to her alone, though it sounds as if she has made up her mind.
If she refuses to talk to you, respect her and her decision, but let her know that you will be there for her if she needs you. That's not to say, however, she can come into your life to b!tch and moan.. gain your trust and interest again then leave.. you are not a doormat!
That old saying seems to fit here.. "If you love something, let t go, if it comes back to you, it's yours, if not... it never was"
Good luck to you. You sound like you are a great guy that truly cares about others. I wish there were more people like you in this world
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
23 Nov 08
Hello!
Thank you for your nice response. I have talked to her, and she acts normally with me. It seems like I can regain her friendship. Though, I don't know if this is what she is expecting from me. I might be way too wrong or way too correct, but it seems like she has a crush in me. I will just keep being myself, let's see what happens.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
@ms_rita66 (10)
•
24 Oct 08
I'm sorry that things are difficult with you and your friend. There really is no fault here, it's just that for one reason or another you both began walking in different directions. I think the hardest thing about friendship is sometimes having to stand outside the inner circle; I think the saddest thing about friendship is realizing that sometimes it just fades; for whatever reason you keep apologizing to her, you may want to just stop as it seems to upset her. Just let her know that you are her friend and will be there if she ever needs you...and you may have to leave it at that. You are a great friend for caring and acknowledging her happiness.
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
24 Oct 08
You have a great point! I should stop it if it makes her upset, and show her that I care about her instead of apologizing. Thanks for your comment, it is really going to help me.
1 person likes this
@Nadia818 (77)
• United States
24 Oct 08
People tend to make dicisions that arent the best. People always tend to have an affect on other people. It could be shes surrounded by bad influences. But at the same time it is really annoying to have someone apologizing for somthing all the time that never even happened. It makes them look insicure. Just give her her space. She will come to you on her own we she wants.
@kenchihi (121)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Well, is this about a friend? or a relationship closer than friend? It does make a difference.
Firstly, I must tell you that it not good to assume that she is more happier to be with you than with other people. That is what you think, she might be a lot happier but just putting up a smile in front of you, for all you know.
Why are you all apologetic? Girls like their man all macho and stuffs, not apologetic over little little issues. *hint hint*
Well, one way of getting nearer to her is to not directly approach her. Get to know her new friends, make friends with them and join their circle. In directly, you are getting more time with her. :)
Oh if you are chasing her, All the best!
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
24 Oct 08
I have fell in love with her once, but she didn't, lol. So I guess that this could turn into a more than friendship, but for now all I want is her friendship.
Knowing her friends seems kinda hard, they are all girls closed in their own group. I think I'll have to find another way to approach. You said it correctly: apologizing and apologizing is not the correct way. I have to be more macho, lol. I'll do it. Thanks a lot, Kenchichi!
1 person likes this
@cathya (704)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
hi,well if you really wanna win her friendship again maybe you should exert an extra effort for that. why don't you hang up with her together with her new friends? know what makes her happy, know what makes her feel comfortable. and lastly, maybe it's about time to stop saying sorry for what you think you did wrong, move on. u know us girls sometimes we need time and space to spread our wings, to do what we want. if you are really concern about your friendship then why don't you show support to what she's up to right now? probably in that way, she'll appreciate your presence and feel the need of your friendship again. :)
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
I don't hang out with her new friends because I don't feel comfortable around them. It would be strange to me. I guess I have my ways planned on conquering her friendship back. Thanks a lot for helping me!
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
24 Oct 08
munhozmib,
She has her prerogative to date other man. Why not? She is not attached.
With this scenario, I must reinforce the importance of differentiated branding.
A woman with many suitors is akin to a product with many brands. If all the brands are similar, why should a buyer purchase your product? In linear thoughts, the woman would go for the man with the most cash, like your decision to buy product would go to the brand with the cheapest price - if there are absolutely no USP to shout.
I think there is this grossly misconception about dating - sometimes we guys just overly emphasize on our selling, than to understand the buyer's mindset and to tweak our selling based on needs and simultaneously and constantly differentiate your brand.
I think the problem lies in your behaviour towards this chase; you felt, thought and behaved as if you are already in a relationship with her - when obviously you are not. It's no wonder why you would feel so drained out - wrong approach to a non-existing position in love.
She is only but a mere friend, just accept it.
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
You found a really good example to put it. I am just another product in the mark, TRYING to be better than the other products. A good product does not ask to be a good product. It just has a good marketing that makes people WANT to know it better. They have innovations, an unique combination of qualities.
Thanks a lot. I'll put some more thinking about it and develop my new slogan. :D
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
24 Oct 08
Munhozmib my friend, there are times when we out grown our childhood friends and this is what has happened to you. You are remembering what you used to had but she is now grown up and have different principles. My friend you have to let go of this picture that you have in your head were this young lady is concerned. I know that it is hard but she has grow and have form different friendship with others. Don't try to put yourself on a limb which is exactly what you are doing. Let it go. Whenever time she wants to be your friend (the one you remember) she will let you know. Us girls are funny and sometimes when we are hurt about something that we think is wrong we tends to let the guy do things that we laugh about when we are alone.
Stop apologizing and just be yourself. Be the friend that you used to be and maybe it will not be so boring after all. I think what she is doing is making you sweat for what you have done.
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Oct 08
Hmm... I don't think she is different at all. She was already a mature girl, even though she is not an adult yet. But hey, there is no trouble at all. I should just stop apologizing. :D
1 person likes this
