Single moms - do you take time for yourself - and how did you deal w/ twos?

Tweet

I'm not a single mom, but with my husband's schedule and the fact that he's not real hands on, I'm like one. Its hard but I wouldn't choose the easier course of not having my wonderful toddler. Even in the throes of the terrible twos where he makes a million messes a day and gets loudly fractious whenever I'm trying to do something like eat or clean or answer the phone etc. I envy working people because they get a half an hour for lunch and can eat a meal warm! And 15 minute breaks. The ability to pee on their own and make necessary phone calls and do work. Most say that I need to take time to do things for myself while he naps but I'm usually exhausted or dealing with my frequent migraines and since he needs me to fall asleep - I do too. Or I catch up on housework I can't concentrate on because he's having a tantrum. And no, time outs don't work and ignoring them don't either, he finds something else to get my attention while still yelling/crying. I miss being able to shower and go to the bathroom alone! Right now he's still awake because after an hour (literally)of trying to get him to go to sleep and him crying for forever (he's stubborn and his crys heart rending) when I leave the room I've decided just to let him stay awake. So this time that's supposed to be mine is full of a toddler "crying" while I eat and tugging on me and wanting to be on my lap so he can throw my food and laugh about it or climbing on things (we just moved) so that I have to constantly get up to get him (hard floor) or touching the tv screen my husband spends 280 dollars a month that we can't afford for or throwing things down that can break and me saying no - even when I raise my voice and sound - to my ears evil - gets no response - or not the response I want, he either laughs or just continues or he pouts for a second and gets on with getting in trouble. I feel frustrated right now because this is supposed to be my time. And I deal with what I always do during the day. Which is fine, but now its my time! I guess I really wanted to vent. Or I think I'd cry! He was more able to play on his own while I cleaned and such when he was younger. Now it seems I can do things on my own, but not the computer too much or a lot of cleaning (have to wait for him to be asleep). I don't want to spoil him by giving in to his testing and I don't want to punish him for letting me know how he feels. His Ama (grandma on his dad's side) says he too young for most forms of punishement, like time outs because he can't understand them and like me, unless he's doing something dangerous like playing with the stove, she doesn't believe in spankings. Again, I know this is a challenge meant to teach me good parenting and even more patience and I would never never never choose not to have him. But now that my husband is going to make some more money, I think its a good time for a half a day at preschool or ocassional babysitting. Even babysitting while I'm home! Since its so hard to know if you can trust someone. Never done the babysitting thing. Although for about a month we had a live in nanny - she needed a place off campus so was willing to watch him a few hours in the morning while I got things done...now that was like a luxury! I could even go lay down in a dark quiet room when I got one of my frequent migraines. Visiting relatives the few times we have has offered the only breaks I've gotten besides that! I almost think this may be good - we finished our move today and I had a lot of cleaning to do so we didn't play outside like we usually do which tires him out since its getting cold - so normally on a day like this he'd go to sleep at seven PM but then wake up at 2 am! So maybe if we both go to bed now he'll stay asleep the entire night! How many of you are single parents...with no family or support system near by? How do you find time for yourself? How do you deal with this when you don't have babysitters etc? When do you find time to shower! To catch a breath - to excercise or read a book?