What will Adoptive Parents who fight First/Natural/Birth parents for custody....
By xcammiex
@xcammiex (272)
United States
October 26, 2008 5:14pm CST
tell the child when he or she gets older. How do you explain to a child that their first family wanted to raise them, but you fought them for custody because you really wanted a child? Do you think this would have a traumatizing effect on the child?
2 people like this
5 responses
@Shar1979 (2722)
• United States
26 Oct 08
to be honest, i am sure my adoptive child would feel devastated....probably hate me once i tell her/him that. especially knowing that the biological parents tried to fight for the custody and yet you as the adoptive parent fought for the kid as well. i honestly think that if the biological parents are capable of raising their own child and they are good parents...then they should have the child
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
3 Nov 08
Adoptive is different from fostering. IN fostering you are taking care of child temporarily, this means that the natural parents can ask the child to be returned to their family. While in adoption it is a different story, you are considered a parent legally. If I foster a child I would not fight the natural parents to have their child back. If it is adoption than it is another story!
© ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
8 Jan 09
I would tell them why I fought for them. If I got custody over a biological mother then obviously the mother was not fit to raise the child. but I think if something like that happened to me I would try to keep a contact number for the mother to check up on her every now and then just so I could tell the child if she had even tried to be a good mom.
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
8 Jan 09
In infant adoption, if it was right away and she lost custody there had to be a reason and if she lost custody after the child being with you for years then that would have to do with how long the child has lived with you. You cannot change what the judge feels is best for the child therefore you just have to be honest with your child. You wanting to keep your child is more than just wanting a baby there is more emotions involved in raising kids.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I would agree with you in a case of a child removed from the mother's care. I was referring more to infant adoption. If a mother was tricked/pressured/forced/etc into giving up her newborn baby and realized it and fought to revoke consent and get custody back and you, as an adoptive parent, refused to give the baby back voluntarily, and you won, what would you tell the child when he/she grew up. That's my question.
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
26 Oct 08
I hope I never have that problem. There are many problems in this world and I have had my share of them. I prefer to think of good things. My wife thinks that I am naive or somewhat deluded because I do not share her preoccupation with problems. Cheers!!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
7 Jan 09
It is very important in my own experience that a young child that was adopted be told early on that they were adopted and that they are loved from both sets of parents if that is possible to be handled that way.
A child could be traumatized if things aren't handled in the appropriate way. The child is the most important person in this scenario. I don't think I would add any more stress to the situation by telling the child anything about a first family wanting to raise him. I would just let the child know that he is always special and will remain being treated in a good manner.
I am a birth mother. I had placed a child for adoption almost seven years ago. He knows all about me. But his place his with the family he is with. I find it important that he knows that his father and I love him but his parents now are his real parents as far as I am concerned and it took a long time for me to come to this realization. @xcammiex (272)
• United States
8 Jan 09
Thank you for your viewpoint. I agree that the child's need comes first. That being said, I've spoken to a lot of adoptees both online and IRL, and they've always told me that while they would be furious at their adoptive parents, they would feel better in knowing that they truly were wanted and they were worth fighting for. So I guess it would be more stressful, but maybe kind of relieving at the same time.
