Would you be very upset and dissapointed.........
By Ellie
@ellie26 (4139)
Malaysia
October 27, 2008 2:22pm CST
when the person you thought you could trust in pouring out your problem, someone you thought you could share juicy gossips with, someone who have the same interest with you, someone who you seek advices when there is no one to turn to and helping each other during ups and downs would betrayed your trust? This was what happened. I had an misunderstanding with a friend of mine which turn to bitter argument. As usual, I went to this person I trusted most to pour out my disappointment about the argument I just had. In my angry and emotional state, I said something bad about that friend in front of this person. What I didn't anticipate was this person went over to the person I have argued earlier on and told everything that I have said. Now the friend even hated me more. Although it was not right for me to say something bad about that friend, which I later regretted, I certainly didn't expect the person I trusted most in almost anything would stabbed me from the back. What is the best way to handle this situation? Is confrontation ok? Should I just keep quiet and let it by gone be by gone?
2 people like this
5 responses
@staysee34 (94)
• United States
27 Oct 08
I don't know if I would be able to hold my tongue on this one lol. If you went to this person in confidence and she broke that confidence then I think you have every right to say something. However, being tactful, is definitely in order. So, allow some time for the waters to calm and then approach your friend. I would calmly state that you came to her as a friend who needed to vent. It was never your intention to say horrible things but in the heat of the moment it slipped. I would also throw in that you trust her to keep your discussions private and that you would appreciate her doing just that in the future.
If your friend can't promise to do that then maybe they weren't a good friend to begin with and this has been happening all along without your knowledge. On the other hand, maybe it was something your friend felt very strongly about in which she probably thought she was doing the right thing. Either way, a discussion is definitely what needs to happen to prevent further conflict.
3 people like this
@ellie26 (4139)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
I trying very hard to hold my tongue right now. After the argument I had with the other friend, I thought I would want to calm myself and stay away from any thing that might upset me. But now with this newly discovered 'secret', I am upset all over again. I want to talk to this person but I don't really know how to be tactful when I am upset. May be for now, I will just keep my distance and wait for the water to calm down. Thanks for your response.
@Annmac (949)
•
27 Oct 08
I'd say, if you really value this persons friendship then talk to them. Apologise for what you said and tell her that you were very upset at the time and now you've calmed down regret it. Admitting you were in the wrong is or should strengthen your relationship.
As for the other friend I'd talk to her too. Tell her you feel hurt that something you said in the heat of the moment, with the full belief that she would understand and not repeat has left you feeling betrayed. True friends should be honest and open and able to trust each other.
I admire you for admitting you were wrong to say what you did but it's these two friends you need to say it to.
Don't let silly misunderstandings stand as they are, it could ruin a worthwhile relationship.
Good luck!
2 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6751)
• Defiance, Ohio
28 Oct 08
I would speak up to the one you put trust in and ask them why they went back and said something. Espically when they knew you were fighting already and was upset about the fight. But beware this friend may have been thsi way all along and you never knew.
1 person likes this
@ellie26 (4139)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
I would love to ask this person why but knowing this person very well, I am sure we end up arguing. Since I am still upset with the earlier argument, I don't think I want to start a new one with this person. I suspected so that this person has been talking behind my back all along. You may be right about this person may have been this way all along.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
27 Oct 08
People only get one chance with me, and if they betray my trust, they're out!! Everyone earns my trust the more I get to know someone. Once I get to know them and they betray my trust, there is no turning back. I don't have time for people who are just going to betray me.
2 people like this
@ellie26 (4139)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
How I wish I can be like you. I want to do just that but I can't. I believe in forgiveness and second chance. I always think that people will realize their mistakes and learn from their mistakes. But for this case, I think it will take me a while to forgive that person.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
29 Oct 08
You appear to have landed in a very difficult situation. It is really sad that your friend, whom you confided in and told the story did not assess the situation in a nuetral manner. She/he should have seen and evaluated the circumstances, in which the arguments started. I think, you need not worry too much about it, what has happened, you cannot undo it. Just be calm and quite and think over the matter and if you feel that an apology will set the things right, you may go for that, afterall long lasting relations are more important than an apology. You may think it over quietly and act upon the situation after few days. Best of luck! Be happy!
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
31 Oct 08
Thanks for appreciating the advice. Hope things would be better soon.
Many thanks again for the best response.
1 person likes this
