daughter

October 28, 2008 11:25pm CST
My parents broke up a year ago. I really think it was my fault. you see my mother and father always quarrel and they hurt each other most of the time. my father is a bit irresponsible.He is always out doing his job and when he gets home he goes to his friend for a drink. He always gets home drunk, well not really always but most of the time.When he gets his salary he looks for a fight with my mother and then took of. .when he gets home he and my mother always end up fighting.One day after a very frightening brawl, my father asked me if he was being irresponsible. I said yes. then he took of, leaving us. Until today i blame myself for their break up.Please i need your advice. Guilt is eating me. Is it really my fault that they broke up?
4 people like this
15 responses
@jakill (835)
28 Nov 08
You must not blame yourself for this. All the responses here tell you this. If you don't overcome this guilt, your life could be ruined. This is very important for you, your mother and the rest of your family. if you are still feeling guilt wracked after a year, you may need to seek some professional help. Do it now before it is too late.
@thaMARKER (2559)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
hey, don't blame yourself for letting your father know what he brings to your family. he brings heartache and trouble. if he's really responsible and a good head of the family, he won't leave. instead, he'll ask sorry and show what it was like being a father and a husband. he left because he's a coward and he doesn't care to what you feel if he leaves. move on, take good care of yourself and your mother (or the rest of the family). make them feel that you are around and you can give the love that your father's supposed to give.
• China
30 Oct 08
dear aneesheam, of cos it's not ur fault.it's ur father's mistake not bringing u and ur mother happy life.and his leave may be a good result.He deserves that.And u and ur mother should chin up for better life. so don't blame urself any more ok?
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
30 Oct 08
no it is not your fault at all. Your dad knew when he asked you that question what the answer was. He knew he was guilty. Your parents marriage would have been the same whether you were there or not. Your dad's drinking and all is what broke them up. I was married to a man that sounds similiar to your dad. If not for my kids, I think I maybe would have tolerated it and been so very miserable in my life. Thankfully, I had my kids and I knew that they deserved better than to listen to the fighting etc. They were my incentive to move on. My life is so much better for having done so. I am very sure your mom's is too. Rather than blaming yourself for the breakup....you should maybe take pride in it.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
hello aneesheam, No, definitely not your fault. So don't ever blame yourself about your parents breaking up. It's all your father's fault. You just told him the truth and that was just fair to your mother and you. He should took that as a warning for himself for him to change for the better. If he really cares about your family, mostly to your Mom, he should make a move not to hurt you even more. His acts must be stopped for he is becoming irresponsible to your family, but what he did is not the best solution. Maybe in a way, but changing his attitude or going to the right direction is the best.
@dawnald (84070)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Oct 08
Of course it is not your fault. They had some serious problems and you were just honest with your dad. You can't control what somebody else does. He is the one who chose to leave. Hopefully in the long run it will turn out to be the best thing for everybody. Living in that kind of an environment is not good for any of the people who were affected.
• India
29 Oct 08
well if u ask me, i don't think u were a bit wrong by pointing out your dad's mistake. After all it was he who asked you if he was being irresponsible. Forget the past , what is done is done... for now try to be a great moral support to your mom, since you are the only person whom she can rely upon. things will be back to normal quite soon.
@061234217 (133)
• China
29 Oct 08
It couldn't be your fault.If the parents' emotion haven't been shattered,they wouldn't let the children live in a divorced and incompletely family.Marriage is based on love.If there is no love between them and managed to let them live togerther,it is not fair for them.Would you like to let them continue in this unhappy state?And even if they are divorced,you are always their children,they will love you forever.You should understand and respect their decision,and encourage them to prusue a better life.
• Norway
29 Oct 08
Oh, no. That can never be your fault. What you did was right, you pointed out the truth. Some day i'm sure you dad is gonna rethink about the mistakes that he did and he will return back to you and your mom's life. You tried being yourself and that is really a great think. You know what you have to do, just, just believe in god. :-)
@deebomb (15319)
• United States
29 Oct 08
There is no way that the break up of your parents marriage is your fault. Your father was looking for an excuse to run off. He is the one drinking. He is the one looking for a fightvwith your mother so he could leave. You just told him the truth. All thins has nothing to do with you. Stop blameing your self. It probably wouldn't have mattered what you said. He would have found some excuse to leave any way. Kids often blame them selves for parents breaking up but it is because the parents want to not because of the kids.
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
it was not really your fault. what your father felt was an insult to his ego that he thought he was right all the time but the truth that your revealed hurt him and he cannot take it. most guys think that they are perfect and are too egoistic and since he counted so much on you that you will take his side, he was disappointed. it is better that you told him the truth, is it ok with you that your parents are together but living in trouble? it will be a very stressful situation, i came from a broken family too, and i saw my parents killing each other, though it is painful to think that my family can no longer be whole, but to have peace is what i prefer. do not blame yourself for their break up. your father should learn how to become a real man, he should realize that he has a family and he should provide your needs, you do not have to be guilty. if it is the way for your father to realize how important his family is and that he will learn to control or eliminate his vices, then let it be.
@roanne05 (1291)
• Oman
29 Oct 08
you are just being true to yourself...don't blame yourself. just pray that your words made your father realize that he needs not to be perfect but atleast responsible enough to have a family!good luck and God bless!
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
29 Oct 08
Do not ever think that this is your fault. I had lived with a father that drank every night. He got into many fights with my mother. Finally when my mother was sick of his drinking and the fighting she told him to leave. They both sat all of us kids down and asked our opinions. It was very hard on me when they fought. But I did tell him that I wanted him to go too. He had a choice to change. As a child (it does not matter how old you are) you have no control over your parents. You just need to be there for your mom and lean on her for support. My parents split up and are divorced now. You can not sit back and watch them fight without being hurt. It is not fair for you to go through that. Take a deep breath and remember he had a choice and HE made it. Good luck and feel better.
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
No, I don't think it is your fault. From your story, your father has been looking for fights all the time. When he asked for your opinion, you gave him an honest answer. He asked for it. Do not feel guilty. Don't you think it is better for them to be away from each other? What good is it staying under one roof but treating each other like that, hurting each other emotionally and maybe physically?
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Oct 08
No, it is not your fault. Your dad may be trying to fix himself. He may take your words to heart but not in blaming you or leaving because of you. It is very possible that he is trying to make things right and he felt he needed to do it alone. If he asked you for your opinion then that means that he was already recognizing some bad behavior from himself and was looking for some confirmation before trying to decide on how to fix it. Don't blame yourself for honesty. It is a valuable asset that not many people still have and your dad is probably very grateful for that quality in you. My mom has been married 4 times and it is important for the children of that kind of environment to never ever feel like they were in any way responsible. I'm sure if you talk to your mother about this she will agree and do whatever she can to reassure you. Best of luck...