Does anybody feel inexperienced or "lacking" at their job?

United States
October 29, 2008 10:18pm CST
I'll try to be as descriptive as possible in what I mean here... I guess the better word I'm looking for is inadequate... Allow me to explain:I was born to do filmmaking, I've been writing scripts since I was 13 (i'm 23 now). I started my pursuit seriously in January 2007, why am I not in the business yet? Well quite simply: It's a pain in the butt, especially NOW. 20 years I'd probably get a little more slack. Why don't do I it myself? Well truth is I am but its a waiting game. Why? One word: M-O-N-E-Y!!!! Money for LIGHTS, CAMERA, and all that good stuff. I have half my equipment and am currently saving for the rest from my job and some online writing gigs im doing. I hate when people say get off your high horse and make it, why are you working where you are now, make the movie! Don't they understand I'm trying to save to get the rest of the crap I need? It can't be done over night. And NOBODY can get into this business overnight. Its not like you could just walk into a film studio, apply to be a director, actor, writer, fill out an application and be interviewed. It's not like that at all, yet people think it is. It's not a typical job, its bigger than that. That's why its taking me long (and others too). So in the meantime, I was stuck doing office and call center jobs which sucked and paid $10-$12 an hour. I couldn't stand being under someone's supervision all day long, every second, I just wanted something where I could relax and think a SINGLE THOUGHT for once. There's plenty of vacancies in Health field, plus my girl is in health and so was my mom. I decided to do EMT. It's much more relaxed yes, its not too much work either, I get like 3-5 patients a day, that's it. I work 40 hours, 3 days a week, afternoons and overnight. I love it. The bosses are not always breathing down your back, they just call you on a radio once in a while, that's it. That's all. Very relaxing. Mind you I had to study HARD to get this damn thing. I passed it in May this year. I've been working at this company for 3 months and have a great record as being a good employee here. My only gripe is... well... me. I don't feel like I know enough even though I passed the exam. I don't know what every medicine does, I don't know every disease and how/where it comes from, I can't just look at a patient and ALWAYS tell what he has and what's wrong with him, just things like that ya know. Don't get me wrong, I know how to do my vitals, lifting, customer service, I know how to work oxygen, and I'm familiar with SOME diseases and medicines, but that's it. Everyone else though seems to know more than me, like this new guy for instance knew what G.I. Bleed is, I don't really know I never really dug that deep into it. Do I deserve this job if its only a side track career for me to support myself until I get to where I should be? I mean the only way I can see myself knowing all this mumbo jumbo by heart is if I was a buff EMT who plans on being in health FOREVER and becoming paramedic, etc. I don't though. This is only temporary. And in case you're wondering, I haven't killed any patients and done anything wrong since I started working in this business, and I always ask questions too. I just feel inadequate as an EMT. I could study my butt off 24/7 but then I'll have no time to focus on film and the movie I'm making myself, see what I mean? I love what I'm doing right now, but i wouldn't do it forever, filmmaking is my true calling. If something came along (like City Sanitation) that pays more than this, I would certainly do it, but this is all I can get right now.
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