Arranged Marraiges-I don't get it

@cyntrow (8524)
United States
November 1, 2008 10:23am CST
This is a fact finding discussion. I am aware that some nations and cultures still participate in arranged marraiges. I know that some families in the US still do this but very few. I am curious to know the reason. I know that historically, marraiges were arranged by families for monetary issues or for the goal of linking the two families. Sometimes, they were arranged to prevent war. But this was in the far ago past. I want to know from the people of cultures that still participate in this type of arrangement and from anyone who has a knowledge of the subject in modern times. Why do parents arrange marraiges for their children instead of letting their children find someone to love? What is the motive behind it? I don't mean this be judgemental. I just don't get it. I seek any respectful reply. Thank you.
4 people like this
17 responses
• United States
2 Nov 08
I'm a full-fledged American so my culture doesn't include arranged marriages, but I still thought this was an interesting topic and wanted to respond to it. :) I think a lot of cultures believe in arranged marriages simply because the reason behind matrimony isn't love, but family and the desire to keep their lineage going. The children don't question it either because they were raised to respect their parents no matter their decision and it's what they've grown up with. Just as we grew up to marrying for love.
• Australia
2 Nov 08
Pretty much what I would have said coming from an anthropology background. It's not unlike the dynastic marriages of Europe. Lash
1 person likes this
• India
1 Nov 08
hi I'm from India and my marriage was an arranged marriage. Oh no, it was arranged not for any monetary reasons or wars. For me it was arranged because i didn't find any one to date and to marry. So, my parents took the charge and selected a person whom i liked. So marriage was an arranged. This is the purest form of arranged marriage. There are forcible arranged marriage because of various social and cultural issues. In my case, before marriage my parents asked my opinion. I was free to deny. But in some cases, in some cultures, girls have no say over whom they'll marry or not.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Nov 08
Can it be that way in your culture, as well? And you just have very understanding parents who really wanted you to enter into marriage with someone you could be happy with for the rest of your life? Or do you find that most parents in your culture are that understanding?
@oderog (732)
• Kenya
1 Nov 08
This practice is still alive and going strong in some part of the world if not the whole world, let me particularly talk about Kenya where I come from and give one such community that pratices arrange marriage, The tribe is known as the Maasai, they are patrolist and believe much in cattle, when a girl is about 12 years of ages the elders normally identify a suitor for the girl, The husband to be must have cattle and so many cattle to pay as dowry, a girl of 12 years with this practices will get married to a polygamous in the maasai tribe even 4 times older than the little girl, they normally forced out of school and their parents do not encourage them to go to school since them getting educated makes them knowlegdable and tend to disregard the practise, this practise normally affect girls than boys in this community. Some communities are forced by poverty to arrange for such kind of marriages.
1 person likes this
@abyin007 (426)
• India
1 Nov 08
my frd i am an Indian.. and i think our culture is one of the oldest ever. i am in kerala. there are lots of tourist here from US and all part of world. here, we think arranged marriage is better. because in our view youngester can easily make mistakes at their age. they would think about their future while fall in love. but elders always tell their children abt this matter. so even children prefer that. but some will ask the criteria(like family, religion,age,jobetc) for bride or bride groom and they wil find it and wil inform there parent for arranged marriage. Due to this old culture we have very very less family problems like divorse, seperated state etc... one more thing here all the bride(women) will be of less age(abt 2-5 yrs) than groom. so the wife will have respect to their husbands.happy lotting.....
• United States
3 Nov 08
I was born and raised here in the U.S. but I believe in arranged marriages, in fact that is the Only way I would get married. I am rare, I don't believe love is the Only reason to marry, in fact for me it isn't a reason at all. I am very, very old fashioned when it comes to marriage. I believe it is only to link the two families.There could be many reasons why the families want to join forces but that is the reason for marriage. That ia my view of Straight marriage. But when it comes to gay marriage, I feel it should be for whatever reason the couple wants. Love, money, children, whatever.They are definitely not being forced to marry. Their union may have kids but it isn't a must. They are coming together because they want to be together.
@earthsong (589)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Do you have kids? If so, are any of them teenagers? I've been lucky so far, but I have friends who have children that bring home the most unsuitable people as their boy or girlfriend. I think they have all commented that they wished our society accepted arranged marriages. I know in some cultures arranged marriages were to form stronger alliances between the separate clans. You weren't going to fight against your extended family in a battle. And of course, in royal circles it was to keep the blood lines pure. There are tons of reasons, as many as there are different cultures. I just don't think people in freer societies understand or accept the practice.
• Australia
2 Nov 08
Good discussion. In few arranged marriages, one potential spouse may reside in a wealthy country and the other in a poorer country. For example, the man way be an American of Indian ancestry and the woman may be an Indian living in India who will move to America after the marriage. Alternately, the man or woman may be a citizen of the United States of America and the other person is in Russia or another counrty and is willing to move to the USA after the marriage. The arrangement may be accomplished by a business created for such a purpose.
@ememCz (139)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Arranged marriage is sometimes based on money. There are people who have arranged marriage because of business connections and power. It's like a tie-up or merger of companies inorder to be strong in the playing field.
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Well I don't know any arranged marriages now. In the past, this has been done in Chinese families, but since my grandmother's generation, it hasn't been that popular anymore. It's a good thing actually because I'd hate to be married off to some guy I didn't know! I think if ever it still exists in modern society then it would still have to be due to monetary reasons.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
hello cyntrow, Other parents are arranging their children's marriage so their millions will not go to other people and for the reason that their children will be in good hand - the fact that they already know both sides. Maybe for one reason or the other, this is a good idea and the best for as long as both parties is aminable to this idea. But, if one is not that is a big problem for he/she will suffer for the rest of her/his life. They say that love can be learned and patience but not applicable to all.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
2 Nov 08
I am against fixed or arranged marriages. It was the tradition in my country long time ago. Usually a person acted as an intermediatory between one family and another and received a commission if the fixed marriaged goes successfully. I cannot understand this tradition and I am not in favour of it. © ronaldinu 2008
@neothegod (208)
• India
2 Nov 08
i think our parents think that they are better judge when it comes to marriage. they think they have seen more and are more experienced to take decisions. the purpose behind arrange marriage is often related to monetary issue either directly or indirectly. in my country, dowry is banned and illegal but still many reputable families still practice this under the law. i personally feel that arranged marriages has lost relevance in the present world as it is more obvious with the number of love and eloping cased coming up. every individual has the right to chose his/her partner as this is a free world and no parent should enforce a decision on their children. i think they should leave their children decide as this is the decision that can make or break a relationship.
@miketagz (8925)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Arranged Marriages is easiest way to getting married in a short period of time. But its so hard to manage. I think it must be discussed first from our parents before will decide a marriage. :D
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
2 Nov 08
I used to work with a Pakistani girl who said she would never marry for love. She wanted a husband who was suitably wealthy and could support her and her children when she had them. She thought I was quite silly marrying for love as my partner had no money. She did not realise that money means nothing to me beyond paying for what need. Anyway her parents were going to arrange a marriage with a good Pakistani boy and when she went back to Pakistan to visit cousins a lot of deals were being made. I got the impression that this was a monetary, prestige thing. The families were negotiating wealth and status and that was all there was to it. In my experiences of men I would rather marry a man who loved me as much as I loved him than someone who was not even a friend.
• India
2 Nov 08
plz try n undrstand ths............ in few countries its a kindda respect to parents for allowing thm to find life partners................
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
2 Nov 08
I am from cambodia and this arranged marriage happens. This happens when someone doesn't find their soulmate. Actually it's nothing complicated. Just think as an online searching engine for a lover or someone you want to date except that your parents look up for u. I have a bf and i found my love on my own so they didn't look up for me.Most people misenderstand as a forced wedding.It was before..but nowadays, the woman and man have their final decision.
@naseeha (1383)
• India
2 Nov 08
You have got a lot of responses from India.. I too am an indian.. my marrriage too was an arranged one. It was not for any monetary reason. But many marriages here are based on dowry and leads to many tragedies. But most of the marriages are about finding a suitable boy for a girl or vice versa. and most of them work..