How do you deal with....

@Lexus656 (672)
United States
November 3, 2008 7:29am CST
Okay I have been going out with this guy for about two months and from the first time that we laid eyes on eachother we have been so in love. We met over the internet and talked for a little while befor meeting. At first I didn't think that it was going to develope into anything the way we talked online was kinda like friends, we talked about what we were looking for and family. He says that he fell in love with me the first time he saw me. That was our first date to see the movie mirrors and it was akward at first he's really quiet and shy but heck I'm shy myself but when put in situations like that I talk becuase I don't like the akward silence. So anyway we are together for two months and he's spent every weekend with me since that first date. I don't know where I would be without him I thought that I would never ever be happy with a man again. But now I am having issues with my past and what my sons father did to me is effecting my relationship with chad. I was with my ex for 5 yrs and loved him soo much but it turned out to be one sided when we found out I was pregnant and he made soo many hollow promises. My son is almost two and he has never seen his father. He looks to chad like he is his dad. But basically he has female friends and it bothers me I tend to be real selfish and stingy when it comes to him. I love him to death and want us to work but I think that if I keep worrying about his friends then its going to tear us apart. He hasnt done anything for me to second guess him. I mean he really wouldn't have time to be with anyone else if he wanted to. He works till6:30 every night and then on top of that he goes home and calls me and we talk till bout one or till one of us fall asleep. so how am I to deal with all his friends and yea I mean the female ones? It doesn't bother him that I have male friends becuase he says that he knows that I am with him and that I love him. I worry becuase I don't feel that way and I am not sure how to get to the point where I can feel that way and we can be together in a long lasting forever. help...
2 people like this
8 responses
• United States
4 Nov 08
I met my bf online as well. We hit it off right away and moved in together. We have had many obstacles but so far so good, and its been 2 years now. We just had a baby 4 months ago, and things are pretty good. I mean I know its hard to trust in someone but without trust what else is there? I should take my own advice, but I know its easier said that done. I know how you feel! We have so much competition out there, and if we are down on ourselves than its even harder to deal with. I try to live by what I'm about to say, but honestly its not easy.... If you truly love him then enjoy every second you spend with him, and dont worry about the times you are without him. Life is short, and if we spend time worrying then we are wasting time we could be kissing, or hugging, holding hands, having fun. Learn from the past but dont let it ruin your future. Good luck, let me know how things turn out :-)
• United States
4 Nov 08
I am so happy that you have a more positive attitude towards this relationship now :-) I hope it all works out for you two, and in the mean time just have fun.
@katsmeow1213 (28719)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I totally understand how you're feeling. I've always been a bit cautious about men, and have a very hard time trusting. I've been with my husband for a total of 7 years now, and although I'd bet my life, and the lives of my children, that he has never and would never cheat on me, I still wonder sometimes when he comes home late. It's just some weird neurotic thing inside my head that I can't control. I think the only thing you really can do is tell him how you feel about his friends. Be completely honest about it. Maybe some of his female friends aren't worth keeping if he knows you aren't comfortable with it, and the friends that are worth him keeping, well perhaps you can just get to know them better, that way you can trust the friend as much as you trust him.
1 person likes this
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I think you are my new best friend. I know that he would never do anything to hurt me or my son and he's been very clear and it plus theres just not eough time in the day lol. I just worry becuase of the stuff thats happened with my sons father. Neurotic, lol I'm glad that I am not the only one. Sometimes I just feel that my love for him is so strong that I dont think that I can handle losing him like that and I'm also afraid of lsing him. He always laughs when I say that and then he'll say baby its not possible to love me away. So I think he understands where I am coming from I just hope that I am not always crazy like this lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Nov 08
katsmeow is right. once you've been hurt like that by a man, letting your guard down to a man that is GOOD (even if you know it) is so hard to do. she gave a great suggestion...talk to him! sit down and calmly tell EXACTLY how you feel when such and such happens..then tell him WHAT happened in the past that makes you feel that way now. if he is a good man and loves you, then he will listen, be compassionate and try to understand and help you get past these insecurities. above all..keep in mind that he is a very different man from your ex. and that he needs and deserves a "clean slate" hard to do i know, but when you start feeling that way..stop and tell yourself that.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Nov 08
It's important to seek help for your insecurity. I've also been hurt in my past, which makes it difficult for me to open up now, and of course it's difficult to trust. I put my guard up due to my past hurts, and it's hard to take that wall down and let my husband in. But you must always communicate, it's the key to the survival of any relationship. Tell him your fears, doubts, and concerns. If he's worth it, he'll hear you out and find a way to make you feel better about it all.
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
4 Nov 08
I met my gf in the chat room when I was that far away from her. Now it's been almost 2 years that were staying together. She is also a single mother like you, I don't care what people say as long as I love her and wanna spend my whole life with her. Well usually we do have problems that way also same issue. But I was telling her, not to feel that way why not we should settle down for good, for her not to feel bad everytime I go out with my friends. I usually tell her a thousand times that I really do love her very much! She asked me a question did you love me more now or lesser, and I told her I love her more now. Life is so simple, when we make it complicated that is where the problems starts. I think it's a matter of trust and believing him. Why not talk and be open up your feelings to him. For sure he will understand if he really loves you. God be with you!
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
4 Nov 08
I don't think you have anything to worry about with your boyfriend and him having platonic relationships with other girls. What you need it to trust him totally, it sounds to me like you need to just build up your confidence. You have found a wonderful man relax and let love guide you.
1 person likes this
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
4 Nov 08
broery what was that supposed to mean? that all men have no need for long term relationships. I have to disagree with you totally I don't understand where you are coming from. There are men out there that do not take relationships seriously and they stay for awhile and then leave. But there still are those men that want a family and want someone to come home to every night. You can't love someone for 5 years and just stop loving them, that means that you did something wrong. when you love someone the love should grow daily. Thats what I feel like is happending with me and Chad. In about 3 months we are buying a house and moving in together. I think it's the right step for the two of us. he wants the same things that I do and we are soo good together. I am going to give it a chance and see what happens.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
4 Nov 08
well i wouldn't count on that too much, some guys never get enough of one relationship, he might stick around a while but stay on your toes honey.
• Philippines
4 Nov 08
that's what love can do. well we both have something in common just the siyuation. the thing that is not common is i'm a guy. ok. loving someone that would promise us to love forever that is very difficult way to prove because that would take a lot of time to evaluate and prove his or her honesty. his sincerity doesn't end on showing how he cared for your children but how can he live without his anything but you as his everything. its very hard for you its because their is a lot of things to consider. i my self have experience this i have been a victim that this girl would promise not to hurt you but in the end i almost lost everything. but i did learned that i can't force them to change. but for you. don't make a final decision until you prove. saying i love you to someone was so easy that sometimes make as a victim. i'm on your side. be their to reponse when you have time.
@mario123 (16)
• United States
4 Nov 08
do not fall so fast take it slow only god know's how it is going to turn out ... and always remeber that you only live once so see how it goes if he pushes to much then you know you fell to fast do not let him push you over the edge your feet are the one that keep you balanced and your head up and eyes and ears open...
1 person likes this
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
4 Nov 08
This is a total difference in falling to fast and being soul mates. yea we have been together only a short time but I feel like I've known him forever, his love is deep and hes an amazing person. It's happened fast but thats hard to not let happen when you both feel like the other was sent from god.
1 person likes this
@becnh83 (806)
• Philippines
4 Nov 08
if you love him, you have to trust him, and as you have said he has no time to go out with his friends he always had a call after he works, so you have nothing to worry about and if you insist go with him when he had some outing with his friends so that you will know who and what really his friends are. TRUST HIM
@inder86 (565)
• Gibraltar
3 Nov 08
first i hate ladies hormones cause of hormones you people are always envy of every thing and takes small thing very seriously . second its a tough decision which you have to take yourself at last and two months are very less to know a person. just take this quiz if you got 4 yes then you must try this relation ship for little longer. will he take leave for you from work if you ask him? is he good with your child and takes some time out for him? is he saving serious money for future? is the opinion of your friends good for him? if you are not willing to do s x will he stop at that time ?
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I have to agree with you when I startd reading those questions I thought they were good to know the answers to but I didnt think they really determined wether he loved eme or not. theres just so much change in the world right now and I want the love that my grandparents had not the love that lasts for 10 years and is gone in the blink of an eye. I may be young Im only 22 but I know what I want out of life and I know what it's going to take to get me there.
1 person likes this