Child Custody
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
November 6, 2008 4:07pm CST
I could never imagine giving up or losing custody of one of my children, even in the cases of joint custody. I've been very lucky thus far, I'm still married with no plans of divorce. The only child my husband didn't father is my oldest, and his bio father has never been in the picture.
But I know there are many people who have to share custody of their children with an ex, or have even lost custody and only have visitation. In some cases they have to deal with their ex's new spouse or partner raising their child.
Then there are those who are in the step parent position, raising someone else's child as their own, and often still dealing with the non custodial or joint custodial parent.
Which situation are you in? How does it make you feel?
If your child has a new step parent, how do you cope with that? How do you get along with the step parent?
If you are the step parent, how often does the actual parent have their child? How well do you get along with the parent? How do you think the parent feels about you being a caregiver to their child?
6 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
7 Nov 08
I too am lucky in that my hubby and I are together and looking after our kids together. I too have an older child that is not my hubbys but his biological father could not have cared less and has not seen my eldest since he was two months old.
But I was in the situation a couple of years ago where my hubby had an affair and the girl he was making plans to be with her permanently. He says he had no intention of leaving me and being with her but I have my doubts, anyway, when they had talked about future plans she had fully intended on being a mum to my kids. She had made plans to change her house around to put beds and stuff in for them so that they could come and stay. Well when I found this out I hit the roof, Im sorry but there is no way another woman is going to be mum to my kids, they are mine and I am not sharing them with anyone other than their father. I told him, if you ever do leave to be with someone else they are having nothing to do with my children, I would not dream of having another man in playing the roll of step dad either. I am their mum and they have their dad and whether we stay together or split we are the only parents my kids are going to have!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
7 Nov 08
I feel exactly the same way. I think it would take a long time for me to get used to the thought of another woman around my children. Of course I'd already have mixed feelings about my husband being with another woman, so to allow this woman around my children would take a lot!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
7 Nov 08
I nearly did, I used to think about it and become so angry. The thought of anyone else trying to be Mum to my kids is unthinkable, the worst thing was knowing that the kind of girl she is she would have done everything in her power to turn them against me. She disliked children as well so that would not have made for a good mix at all.
@Firefly99 (251)
• United States
7 Nov 08
I feel the same way also. I honestly do not think I could handle another women taking care of my kids! I would go insane!
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
6 Nov 08
My sons father only sees him about once a year, but has recently decided he wants to play daddy. I am not going to willingly let that happen. He has messed with my sons head to many times. His wife was a jerk to my son the only time she ever saw him.
My daughters father sees her about as often as I let him. It usually works out to once or twice a month. We live about 100 miles from each other, so it is difficult to manage. He wants me to move back up there so he can see her more. He is in a relationship right now and has a younger daughter with her. I have never met her at my own request, but I have no problem with her being around my daughter.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 Nov 08
I'm not sure I could handle the thought of another person raising my child other than me. I'm glad I'm not in that situation.
Are you married now, or are you a single mom?
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
7 Nov 08
I've had sole custody of my children since my kids were very young because my ex threatened to kidnap our son on numerous occasions telling me I would never see him again etc etc..that started when I was preg with our daughter and continued on to the point that I just couldnt handle the stress anymore...Now its not an issue at all since their father passed away and it wouldnt have been one anyway becuase as the kids got older he flatout admitted that he didnt want to be a full time dad....I'm a step mother as well but my stepdaughter is 28 now so of course theres no issue there...If my son with my husband had lived and we had got seperated he wouldn't have fought for custody simply because of his work schedule and so on....
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
7 Nov 08
Your story makes me so sad everytime I read it. I can't imagine how a person survives such horrible things happening... but you dealt with it in your own way, and I believe eventually became stronger because of it.
I'm glad there are no custody issues surrounding you and your children... I've never dealt with them but they seem to be so dramatic and troublesome, and you really don't need that!
I hope you don't mind me asking... but how old are you?
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
6 Nov 08
I have four children. Their father chose not to be in the picture and I don't make a big deal of it. I lost custody of three of them and then got them back--kinda. I had a guardianship issue with one and we are still fighting with her. I now have visitation with this one. My other kids are all with me. They rarely see their dad, but get to see the paternal grandparents every other weekend. I let it go to that. When "dad" gets out of prison, he will not be permitted "rights" other than paying that wonderful two dollars in support a month. This is my "gift" that keeps on giving. I don't have to deal with him or his exes and he only has to pay the bare minimum.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 Nov 08
Wow, I thought my child support was bad. I get $50 a month, although he hardly ever pays it. And because it's so small, the agency won't go after him until he's like $2,000 behind, which will never happen. He pays often enough to not fall that far behind, but it's usually only 4 or 5 months out of the year that I get a payment.
@Firefly99 (251)
• United States
6 Nov 08
My husband and I have three children together, The oldest being 15 and the youngest 9. But my husband also has a 17 year son by another women he was with before he and I. He has never really been able to play a big part in his sons life because of the mother. She was alot older than my husband when she had their son but she was very imature. She tried to hold the baby over his head for a while, telling him if he was not with her or if he started seeing someone else he could not see his son. After he and I got together she was not happy she would bring his son to see him less and less and when we were just dating if I was there she would not bring the child at all! She even tried to make him choose between their son and me?
Well after we were married we took her to court for visitation rights but that only lasted about a year. After that she would not be home when she was suppose to so we could pick him up or she would send him somewhere else on our weekends. My husband could have fought her more than what he did, but I honestly think he was just trying to get her out of his life. She would always talk about me and my husband to her son and tell him he did not have to listen to me so he was a little hard to deal with. SO basically we got to see him when she wanted us too which was hardly ever.
@Firefly99 (251)
• United States
6 Nov 08
So to answer your question I do not think the other parent felt to good about me being a caregiver to her child.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 Nov 08
That's just a shame. It's a shame the mother has to take that sort of attitude, because a child needs their father. It's also a shame your husband doesn't fight harder to keep his son in his life, but I can understand. It's exhausting trying to fight someone like that.
@cookieweber (316)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
i have 2 kids from my previous marriage and i have sole custody. i have a 1 year old daughter with my 2nd husband and everything is pretty norlam...like we are one family...my 2 kids practically grew up with my 2nd husband so there really isn't any conflict...my ex has his own family as well, and my 2 kids get to stay with him every other weekend...so far so good, i try not to be too dramatic about things that way things come naturally for all of us...been working well so far....keep up the good family ties and i hope you'd be able to keep your family intact all the time!
