Should I be uncomfortable?

@p1kef1sh (45684)
November 8, 2008 1:03pm CST
I have a Facebook account on which I have a number of friends and family. However, I have just had a Friends Request from an 18 year old girl at a UK college. Someone that I have never heard of or recognise. I am a little perturbed by this. I am 50 and whilst probably a bit of a perv in many ways, I do not go out soliciting friends from teenage girls and am a little concerned that she wants to be friends with me. I thought about sending her a message and asking why she wants to be my friend. But that means exposing my account to her for a month, something that I really do not want to do. I shall ignore her. But what would you do in my situation?
16 people like this
66 responses
11 Nov 08
I think that is very rude - your not even friends with me on facebook and yet your debating about becoming friends with a 18 year old girl that you dont even know!!! No p1key No!! Dont go there!!! All I can see is BIG TROUBLE!!!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
Well did you send me a friends request? If you had I would have said yes!
1 person likes this
11 Nov 08
No I havent sent a request, I tried looking under p1kef1sh but the search came back empty!!!
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@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
Look under my real name. I am there.
1 person likes this
• Australia
9 Nov 08
I don't have Facebook, in fact I don't even really know what it is. But I can understand your hesitation. I do belong to some kinky sites, and am constantly amazed at the requests I get to talk to girls as young as she, and I have 15 years on you. I did chat a few times, I figured that if they were on those sites they must have a fair idea of what they were doing, but I doubt that Facebook is anything like these sites. And no, I didn't continue the chats for very long at all, except with one who seemed to seriously just want some advice from a much older Dom, as a mentor more or less. Still, I imagine I would be curious if I were you, and I would probably accept her tentatively. As someone above said, you can always reverse the decision later. But I must admit, the few times I did I found them extremely hard to relate to. So maybe not. Probably depend on my mood at the time. Lash
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
We might discuss those sites one day. But I will need permission if you know what I mean. Never know who you might meet here! I shall decline her I think.
1 person likes this
• Australia
9 Nov 08
Well, if you need permission perhaps it would be better if I spoke to She Who Must Be Obeyed. Lash
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@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
Very true. I'll ask Her.
@owlwings (44060)
• Cambridge, England
9 Nov 08
I would probably ignore her, too. Facebook has the ability to 'suggest' people you might want to add as friends. It has various ways of making suggestions under 'Discover People You May Know': 1) It lists friends of your friends, especially those which occur more than once. 2) It suggests people on the basis of surname. 3) It is also possible to search for people by forename/surname. It can return a whole Many Facebook addicts seem to want to add as many 'friends' as possible. There are a number of reasons for this, some of which are financial/marketing ones. I have had the occasional 'friend' request from personable young women. When I research them, I find that there is no way I could know them or they me - we have no friends in common. I can only assume, then, that they are touting for business (I will leave it to your imagination as to what they might be selling) and sending out 'friend' requests to as many people as possible who just may be interested in their wares. I'm afraid that what I describe is just another kind of spam. We tend to regard it as an invasion of our personal space but really it's very little different to the technique of leaving a card in a phone box (now, I believe, illegal) which, because it occurs in a public place, we tend to ignore. Things like Facebook, MySpace, MyLot and so on should be regarded as 'public' spaces in more or less the same way that a private booth at a restaurant is not really private. Privacy is, and always has been, a very relative thing and what one person may regard as an invasion of it, another may see as 'saying hello'. One should be able to ignore people who step over your personal chalk line without feeling guilty and, conversely, people who tend to push over boundaries (especially when they do it consciously) have no business to be offended if you ignore them!
1 person likes this
@owlwings (44060)
• Cambridge, England
9 Nov 08
"It can return a whole ..." ... galaxy of people you never knew existed! [That's what happens when one is writing and gets interrupted by the phone, or the postman or 'er-indoors'.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
Your comments are as always very pertinent. I only got into Facebook at my sister's request. Now I seem to have lots of friends - who genuinely are. But this is the first time that I have ever had someone that I do not know at all come along. I shall decline her I think.
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
9 Nov 08
That is really weird ... I'm guessing you've checked she's not a friend of your daughter? It would actually be a good and sensible idea to send her a message asking her reasons ... if she says she's just one of those people who 'collect' friends like trophies (lots of young people compete to have as many friends as possible), you can then deny her. Also, it might be a case of mistaken identity! BTW, when I tried to find you on Facebook I couldn't ... until I found you accidentally through someone else - so if this girl was looking for you with purposeful intent, she did a damn good job!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
She's not know to my daughter Guy. Seems a funny hobby to have, collecting "faces" for your Facebook account. Mind you, some people social network. But they're just weird!! LOL. I've always found me first go. Not that I search for me, or anyone else that often. Still. I'm pleased that you found me. I know that I said yes. Did that work at your end?
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
10 Nov 08
I'm very glad you said 'yes'. I can do with all the friends I can get these days! Keep us posted on what happens with the lusty teen, won't you?
@gabs8513 (48702)
• United Kingdom
8 Nov 08
The same as what you are doing as I do not understand it either and you can never be to careful. My Son and Daughter have an account there as well lol and I know they spend a lot of time on there lol but so do all their Friends xx
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@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
My daughter's friends are on there too and a few are also on my friends list. But unknown girls trouble me in this respect. Well, any respect really. XX
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48702)
• United Kingdom
8 Nov 08
Yes it would me to xx
@checapricorn (16047)
• United States
11 Nov 08
[i]Hi p1, When it will happen to me and I do know the person, I will just ignore her or him...I always make my account private and only accept request from people I know![/i]
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
I'm not sure how to make my account private Checapricorn. I must have a look. That's a useful tip. Thank you.
@kaka135 (14711)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
You shouldn't feel uncomfortable. If you just don't want to be disturbed by strangers, you can just ignore her request. There are many people out there who want to make new friends with others in the Internet, if you are not one of them, then perhaps you can just ignore it. Another reason some people keep making friends with others is because they want to have more friends for a game.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
I am not on Facebook to meet new people. Just to keep up with the old ones! LOL.
1 person likes this
@kyliexo (71)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I think your decision was very wise. I've been using the Internet for about 10 years now and have found your first reaction is often the best one. You should listen to your gut. I would have denied her without a guilty conscience whatsoever - what reason would she have to add you on facebook? It definitely seems suspicious to me and I think your response was just fine.
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@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
Thank you. I'm sure that it is all innocent. But I am not going to take the chance.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
9 Nov 08
Hi P1kef1sh, I had a request from a guy last week who I didn't know from any friends etc but the friend I had staying said to accept and delete after checking him out if I felt uncomfotable with it. I don't really use Facebook that much as you know as I feel it is a bit of an invasion of privacy in some cases and I am quite a private person, if I want to mail my friends I will or phone them, I don't feel that going into here is that brill although my daughter loves it. In fact I am just going in now to check this guy out LOL. Do what your gut feeling tells you on this one. Huggles. Ellie :D
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@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
My gut feeling says to decline her Ellie. So that's what I am going to do.
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@LadyMarissa (12150)
• United States
8 Nov 08
IGNORE HER!!! She just might be a cop!!! I have a friend in real who is 63 & weighs 450 pounds. He has a MySpace Account where he lists his correct age & weight. He is constantly being approached by teenage girls wanting to be his friend. He makes it a practice to assume they are cops trying to entrap him. He says what would a 16-18 year old want with a 450 pound grandpa??? He doesn't want to take the chance of saying anything that can be twisted into him being a pedophile!!! BEWARE my friend. Be VERY careful!!!
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
Someone else suggested that. Entrapment never really crossed my mind. I hate to think so cynically, but there is something in that. As you know, I prefer my lady friends somewhat older. But I'm not going to take the risk. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12150)
• United States
8 Nov 08
I have seen on the news 4-6 times in the last month where a mature gentleman has been arrested for chatting with teenagers on the internet. Only thing is, that teenager is really a 38 year old male cop pretending to be a teenage girl. One guy's defense was that she had contacted him & he thought he was helping her. He claimed he had tried to keep it respectful but after she had made one offer after another, he had become weak. The judge informed him he should have controlled his weakness & gave him 40 years in jail. 40 years & he NEVER touched her & did NOT initiate the first contact. Yes, he should have said NOOOO. But I feel their method's totally reprehensible. With your flirty nature, I could see your intentions twisted!!!
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
I loathe child abusers, but 40 years for talking, even suggestively seems hugely excessive. I'll steer very clear.
@ANTIQUELADY (36457)
• United States
9 Nov 08
i realy don't think so but if i didn't feel good about it i wouldn't do it. i have alot of young guys & girls that have sent me a friend request on mylot. i have accepted them all & so far i have had no trouble out of any of them. you'll just have to be the judge of what you want to do. if yu aren't happy w/them there is always that delete button. lol
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
On myLot is fine, but this is something different. My personal site not a general discussion forum.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36457)
• United States
10 Nov 08
i don't know anything about facebook or alot other sites. i just stick yto mylot. good luck w/your decision.
@ANTIQUELADY (36457)
• United States
11 Nov 08
hi alice, i'm from tennessee, u.s.a. that would be something if we were from the same place. glad you sent me a message. i use to sell antiques . that's where i got my username. greetings from tennessee.
@saundyl (9785)
• Canada
9 Nov 08
I'd ignore her too. I tend to be leery of adding people i dont actually know. I did it once and as soon as i accepted the person as a friend i got extremely offenseive messages over and over again. SO i dont do it anymore.
• China
9 Nov 08
Hi saundy but,facebook is the place where people to get new friends right? if u do not like that way to make friends,yea better ignore her. she offenseive messages over and over again,is that means you are fiendly and she likes to talk to so much? take care
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
Some people have wondered if she's Police trying to entrap me. Heaven knows why. I'm quite twitchy about it now. LOL. I shan't be accepting the request.
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@saundyl (9785)
• Canada
9 Nov 08
It all depends on how you use it. I use it keep in touch with friends and family i already have. TBH i think facebook gives out alot more information to strangers than i'm comfortable with having out there...my facebook is set to be private and supposedly not searchable - actually due to someone making me feel very hmm "stalked"
@Humbug25 (12542)
8 Nov 08
Hi there p1kef1sh I do think you are doing the right thing but I guess you can't help but think maybe she needs some help, advice or something but I still think she is best left alone. I would do the same if the shoe were on my foot and would wonder what a young lad want with a 37 year old woman apart from the obvious and that is why I would leave it! I can't imagine what this girl wants. I get messages from people all the time when I am on skype with my brother but ignore them no matter how old they are as I use skype to communicate with my brother in Kuwait and that is it! I have all the friends I need in myLot!
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
That's what I think Humbug. I don't get stuff on Skype though.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12542)
8 Nov 08
You have skype? I just get the odd message pop up of someone introducing themselves and saying they want to meet people and would I be their friend or something like that but I always decline.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
I use it to speak to some of my myLot friends in the US. But I don't get messages. It is free though.
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@MsTickle (25192)
• Australia
11 Nov 08
She's probably the friend of a friend...you know what it's like on facebook....you can keep adding the friends of friends indefinitely.
@MsTickle (25192)
• Australia
11 Nov 08
I will be adding you....look for the initials F L
@p1kef1sh (45684)
11 Nov 08
I would be pleased to have you along. I've asked around my younger friends and no one seems to know her. I turned her down.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25192)
• Australia
15 Nov 08
It was so nice to see your friendly face at the beach Pikey....cool!
@nannacroc (4049)
8 Nov 08
I would ignore her. It's the only thing you can do. On a different site there was a so-called 18 year old girl who seemed to be asking everyone to be friends. After a while it was suspected that it was a set up by police to try to catch people who weren't nice to say the least. You stick with the women of your own age, they know how to handle you.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
They do indeed and I much prefer to be handled by them too!
@nannacroc (4049)
8 Nov 08
Now how would a young girl have interpreted that?
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
Not with a slap across the back of the legs and a soppy hug that some might give!
@KENSHA29 (34)
10 Nov 08
i have a facebook page too. i don't use it much but if i were u i would not except the request from someone i don't know.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
10 Nov 08
Thank you Kensha. That's what I did.
10 Nov 08
you r welcome
@rvangeld (334)
• United States
9 Nov 08
I would ignore her. Anytime I have someone I do not know request to be my friend, I do not except it, because with those types of websites, it should be between friends, not random people that you never talk to anyway.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
I think so too. Thank you.
@rvangeld (334)
• United States
11 Nov 08
your welcome
@bdugas (3580)
• United States
9 Nov 08
I think sometimes when we get these kinds of requests from places like UK, or other foreign countries, that the person sending it just wants to make friends with people in our country. I at one time used to try to add friends based up on where they lived like get a friend in all the countries in the world. Some times they are just interested in how we live or what we do over here. You can deny her or ignore her. Why would it make you uncomfortable to hav a friend 18 years old.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
I'm in the UK so that aspect doesn't bother me. I do have several friends he age, but I know them all. They've been to my house and are friend's of my daughters. This one I don't know. She might well be lovely. But I'm not taking the risk.
• Romania
9 Nov 08
the risk of what?
@mands61123 (2098)
9 Nov 08
Hey babes i usually email people from my junk account and ask them how they know me you can usually find an email address on their info section. If you're a bit dubious check her ourt see what you think she may be mistaking you for someone else. I thought they could only access you wall for that month not all the rest of it pictures etc. I'll snoop if you want i'm good at that just ask munch gotta go sleep now just got back from jecs do *yawn* wrappers went down a treat kisses mands
@p1kef1sh (45684)
9 Nov 08
I can't see her account without inviting her to be my friend. I think that I will leave it. I have lots of attractive young ladies on there already! There's one, she looks about 10 but has a lovely witch photoshop costume on I think! She's on here too!
9 Nov 08
oh i've heard about her you should stay away from her shes trouble lol
@Takashy (496)
• Latvia
8 Nov 08
I would just accept the invitation. I usually accept all the friend request that I get but I am a little younger than you. I don't know if I would say this if I would be 50.
@p1kef1sh (45684)
8 Nov 08
That's it though. Men my age might well be flattered and who knows where it might lead?
@Takashy (496)
• Latvia
8 Nov 08
I don't know much about the site that you were talking about but I am using a similar site made for our Country. Anyway, you could message her and ask why she wants to add you as a friend. Also, who knows if there is a real girl behind the account. It might just be a friend of yours making a little joke. :)