Is my choice wrong?

China
November 9, 2008 3:10am CST
Now i am hard to decide that my choice is wrong or right,which has troubled me many years.I am a single girl,living with my family when i graduated.And i have a boyfriend that regnized and confirmed relationship ten years ago.The trouble is my family not aproved the relationship of us.They say that the relationship is not realistic,and i should to think more.Because we not only need love but also consider material in life.Maybe they right.But i don't want to end my love because of material.From the statement,you can know that my boyfriend's family is poor and his education is lower than me.although i am poor too.But,he treat me is very wll,and i love him as him do.The problem is that have i must to choose,or i should wait for the day when my family agreed with us?And now i choose to wait.But at the same time i lie my family about the truth.Is my choice wrong?How can i do?Hope for your advice?
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8 responses
• China
10 Nov 08
No,you are right!When you are young,the relationship you get is the most hearty.Now you have the relationship for 10 years.How many 10-year do you have in your life? So don't give up,even if you can't be a couple.What your parients said may be true.We can't live without material.Without the support of material,we will die,and at that time, what we concern is money, food and cloth.Although we are humanbeings,and we have ethics,we are still animals,and seek to live is the instinct.And who you can really trust? Youself. If I were you,first keep relationship with him,and second make a plan how to set up strong economic foundation.You should prove that you can be your own master,and you can live better.And remember knowedge is the best wealth. Good luck!
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@sid556 (30989)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Don't you think that at 18-19 they should be out on their own and not looking for mom and dad to support them? Do you pay rent at home? My girls all paid rent once they graduated high school. If they furthered their education they were here rent-free. If not...then they had to work and help out and there was no way any boyfriend was going to sponge off from me. I did allow one of my girl friend's boyfriends to stay here for a short time. He was such a mooch and I just gave him a time frame to get out...he hated me but oh well. She was working hard and paying me rent but he was costing me $. I have zero tolerance for people that feel others owe them a living...even their parents. At 18 you need to support yourself and be very very grateful for any help offered you....it isn't owed.
• China
11 Nov 08
Well,I agree with you.As you said,when people graduate,no matter how old they are,as long as they have grown up, they should try to earn their own lives,and be independent.Now, I have graduated and live with my parents,but I haven't paid any rent.And I think my parents weren't accept.In our country,parents do so much for their child,they don't want their child go out and have a rough time,and they would even take care of their child all their life.If I paid rent,what they may thought? Are we strengers? That may be the difference of the culture.In our country,we may prove independence in other ways. In a word ,you are a great mum.Good wishes to you and your family!
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@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Perhaps, different cultures... different family values. I guess for me that I always considered it my job as a parent to make sure my kids were capable of being on their own as I am not always going to be here for them....they needed survival skills and sometimes those skills were aquired thru struggling thru the tough times. Of course, it was hard to watch and trust me...everything in me at times wanted to jump in and make things easier for them. I stood back and it wasn't easy. They worked thru it and all of them are strong & independent people...including my 14 yr old although she still of course needs my guidance and financial help...she is of the mindset that she will be independent. She is a very responsible kid and wise beyond her years. Our goal as parents should always from day one be to teach them to be strong and independent.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I think that I understand both you and your parents here having been on both sides of this coin. I have raised 4 daughters and I have watched them be with guys that are just useless....can't hold a job...no incentives in life, etc. Of course material wealth is not everything. In fact it is not important at all. What is important is ambition and drive to at least be self-sufficient. That counts for so much. Does your boyfriend work...do you? You have graduated and so you should be either striving for a higher education or at least being independant from your parents. Your boyfriend should be doing the same. I am poor and always have been. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom are grown and one still at home. I raised them on my own and without help...worked my tail off and I don't even get child support. It is all about priorities. Mom and Dad won't be there for you forever. I moved out of my home right after graduation...yup...struggled but that was my choice. My parents would have supported me had I gone on to college and were very disappointed when I did not. I did not want to be under their rule & thumb. I did take some classes on my own later on....made many bad choices and learned from them but still...no one to blame and no regrets and did not have to answer to anyone. From the sounds of it you both need some real motivation. You sound very young and dependent on mom & dad. I'd say the first step would be for you to get out on your own and then you can decide whether or not you want to support a boyfriend.
• China
11 Nov 08
I think I know the meaning you said.Now i have growed up and have a steady job,and the same to my boyfriend. But i still lived with my family that my mum hope me to, unless i have Married.My age is 26,and i think i am not a little girl now,so i should make a decision on my future.On the other hand,if my mum know the truth that she will sad ,and i don't want to hurt her.But i don't want to hurt my boyfriend and me too.It is hard to balance the thing.Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Trust me....I felt sad when my oldest daughter first moved out from under my wing. It is ok. As a parent, I just knew that was how it was supposed to be but still...a part of me always wanted her with me. I felt that same little tug of war with my heart on each daughter as she reached of age and moved on. Don't worry so about mom...I'm betting she is way tougher than you think. I am always always here for my girls. I have one that I had to be very tough on. Sometimes I felt I was being tougher on me than her but I stuck to my beliefs. She is now 22 and oh...she is back & forth between being here at home and being on her own. Currently she is here. Of course, I don't charge her rent as a landlord would. I want her to get on her feet again. She does feel bad and if she continues to stay will kick in and pay rent. She works hard and we are at a point where we work together. She does help with food and gas for my car etc. you are right...it is a tough thing to balance but I do know that she is not mooching off me and her goal is to be on her own so I don't mind helping her out at all. If she were without a job and not even looking for one and just assuming that I should take care of her as she once was...that'd be another story.I would not want her to go out on her own and struggle terribly while she is working so hard. It's a tough balancing act for parents as well.
• United States
10 Nov 08
Of course you should keep dating him. I think you should stop lying to your parents, and just tell them the truth. Not only do they deserve to hear it. But both of you deserve to live the truth. Do what is in your heart.
• China
10 Nov 08
Sorry to hear that. its really a extremely serious issue. I cant give you any detailed advice, it all depends on your own, because only yourself know whether he is the right man get along with you in your whole life. Please definitely confirm he is just the "knight" in your dream,and he must care you, company you, share weal and woe through whole life etc. Ask yourself , and the answer sincerely is "Yes, I am sure". Then do not care about anything obstacle, pursue your own happiness.Pain past is pleasure.The day that your family agree with you will come before long! Good luck!
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
parents normally think of what is good for their sons/daughters and you must try to understand that all they want for you is a bright future with someone who has a stable social status, however, you must not hide what you truly feel about their plans for you, tell them your own plans and try to reflect which one is really better. as long as you and your boyfriend work hard, you can have a good life, that is, if your boyfriend is willing to make a lot of sacrifices to be able to pursue your relationship. i'm pretty much sure you're old enough to assess which choice will do you more good and i hope you won't end up regretting in the end. wish you luck.
• Luoyang, China
9 Nov 08
Of course you should keep up with such kind of relationship with your boyfriend.
• China
9 Nov 08
Hello rainnie! I am sorry to heard that happen to you.though i think you make a right choose.yeah to be honest.I had some stuff happen like you.But my ex boyfriend he has high education and his famliy is much better than mine. his parents dislike me.because i was a student,he is a teacher.and I am a poor gilr in a poor family.we loved each other.finally we break up. I know it is no right that a student to be with a teacher,it's bad for him.he might lose his job because of me. sometimes i think LOVE does not mean must to be together. but remember if you find your ture love,pls do not easy to give him up. take care
@annierose (18953)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
I get the point of your parents. They just care for your future, that is why they are worried with the status of your boyfriend. For me, there is nothing wrong to continue with your relationship with him as long that you can see nothing wrong with his attitude. As long as your relationship is running smoothly and the two of you love and care each other very much, stopping the relationship will not be the best idea, I think. Remember, true love come once in a lifetime so not waste the chance to have it. For me, I think your boyfriend doesn't want to belong in a poor status. And I think everyone doesn't want to be poor. But it doesn't mean that he is poor now, he will stay in that condition. He can find ways to uplift his living and be financially stable.Your boyfriend must be given a chance to improve his living. He can look for a part time job and and then make half of his time studying in school. Here in our country, almost majority of the students are working students. They belong in unfortunate family also and because they want to finish their studies, they look for a part time job. Why not suggest this thing to your boyfriend, so your parents will not look down on him.