right or wrong
By deedeehall
@deedeehall (1144)
United States
November 9, 2008 10:55am CST
ok i have one for you my husband and i have been married for 10 years when our triplets were born i gave up my carrier in nursing be cause the hours did not work with premie babies at home. however i have always worked i started a clening service and i have been geting up at 2:00 in the morning to clean commercial buildings while the boys are sleeping i have done this for six years 7 days a week i am home befor my husband goes to work so that i can be with the boys allday this avoids child care cost and i know my kids are safe with me and they are some times sick so i would be home from work alot if i did it any other way .i have done very well at makeing good in come for us .i even paid the house payment and other bills for 8 years until 2 months ago when i told my husband he needs to pay for the house for awhile.at the end of the year i have to pay self employment tax which comes out of our taxs at the end of the year.heswears he is paying my taxs and wants to file separate even though our tax person tells us it works out better to file jointley.he has had his own bank accont for 8 years.we have no account with both of our names on it.i ask him every day if he realizes the child care money i have saved us thru out the year not to mention our children have been with thier mother and not a sitter.he has never had to miss work for any childrens doctor apppointments and has been able to carry on his same work schedule with out having to worrie about the kids .chid support and allomony would be a lot more then this. this is makeing me really mad after all i have done for our family he thinks i owe him about 1200 dollars at the end of the year.what do you think about this?
11 responses
@ElicBxn (63252)
• United States
11 Nov 08
He is a JERK. You don't owe him a RED CENT! He owes you 1200 a MONTH every month to cover just the DAY CARE you provide for the children, much less the house cleaning services and catering you provide!
You might need to be talking to a LAWYER instead of us!
@dodo19 (47117)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
11 Nov 08
I really have to say that you're a really strong woman for doing what you have done for your family. I really must applaud for that. I have the utmost respect for it. In my opinion, your husband isn't being to understanding or opened to other possibilities and ideas. I'm not entirely sure he sees, understands, and/or fully appreciates the sacrifices that you have made for your husband and your sons. I don't really think you owe him anything. Being a couple means working together, as a team. I know my fiance does things for me all the time and, every time I tell that I'll pay him back one way or another, he always tells that I don't owe him anything. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel, let him see your side.
@joodzki6 (596)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
i admire you for doing all that! i'm a working mom just like you but me & my husband still have shared responsibilities specially with all the expenses. We are only reanting an apartment and i have a kid studying. he was the one paying the rent and i was the one paying school expenses. We shared with the bills and groceries. I was the one paying the maids. Because i can't handle everything the way you do. You should have done those also. speak up to your husband and give him responsibilities and beside it's part of his obligations to you and your children.
Don't put everything in your shoulders, that's too heavy. You should have something for yourself as well.
Yes, you are a superwoman, but you have to put limitations on what you are doing. You have a husband to share responsibilities with. Don't wait the time that you will be full pressured on what is going on between you and your husband...speak up as early as now..so, he ccould realize as well that he has obligations and he should be the one helping you in everything.
good luck to girl! and i envy you for having a triplets.
@mjmlagat (3170)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
Hello my friend deedeehall! I wish everything's okay with you despite some unfavorable circumstances surrounding you. It's not really fair for your hubby to "charge" you with any amount because you know everything becomes conjugal property when a man and a woman get married, well at least in my country, I hope this applies to yours too. It's really wrong for your hubby to treat you like this after all you've done for the family. I'm so sorry for you my friend but keep your faikth in your heart, PRAY all the time.
@harivanam (122)
•
10 Nov 08
Hi dear, iam reall amazed to see ou working so hard for the family especially i like the way ou are thinking for your children.I think our husband is not understanding the things well.To make him undestand i hope a long discussion in a private place at a free time will make ever thing correct.With out expressing the impatience and anger in you try to discuss in a cool mood when yourhusband is also looks good and in nice mood to hear something from you.. I believe that only discussions can solve any type of problems.. don't you? I have a live examople for this The INDIA and PAKISTAN border issue.. now it is almost under control after long long discussions between two countries.. Then, i strongly suggest ou to go with a discussion with patience and try to explain the benifits for the family and if necessary never hesiatate to sacrifice few things for the family.If you do this now later in future your husband certainly will realise your service made for a happy home and agree with you .. Its a time taking process but i think the best way to solve the issues..
@blazivic (100)
• Lebanon
10 Nov 08
Well, i ddnt get the chance to hear his point of view..but from what your saying i think u absolutely right..the 2 of you must share the responsibility to do what's best for the family.try communicating with ur husband and find a solutin so u dont feel bad.u'r working hard, he's working hard,but u need to work hard together "in sickness and in health"..hope things work out for you.
@jenleestan (68)
• United States
9 Nov 08
I think that you are a SUPERWOMAN and that your husband is not being very understanding. It is AMAZING how much you have done for your family and it is so sad that your husband doesn't appreciate it all. To give him the benfit of the doubt, you said that your tax person has explained these things to both of you., maybe he just needs some other "professional" that he trusts to explain things to him again. Hopefully there is a way to make him understand and appreciate everything that you have done. You owe him nothing, you are a family, and you have sacrificed so much for your family, it sounds like he owes you a week off!!
Good luck and stay strong!
@Shar1979 (2722)
• United States
9 Nov 08
I think your husband is wrong. You are husband and wife. Why in the world would he ask you to pay him anyways? How about asking him to pay for child care since you're working as well and paying the bills...and at the same time you take care of the kids. I think he's being ridiculous. I have my own bank account but my husband still open a joint account for us. He don't mind me having my own account at all.
@lavender88 (192)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 08
My salute to you for being able to handle all these. I know looking after a child is not easy but imagine you having to look after three. You really are an incredible and super woman. I agreed with our other fellow lotters, after reading all these, I dont think you owe him anything. You have sacrfied so much of your time and effort for the sake of the whole family, your husband should be the one thanking you. He should appreciate all that you done so far. Be strong woman, you are one strong woman.
